✅ My Sister's Problem

47. Responsibility

I woke up slowly and giggled. I wasn't sure what was funny yet, but I knew it would come soon. I was happy today, snuggling Mr Muggins and sucking on my paci. I felt about as content as I ever had, and completely rested. I hadn't slept so good in the last few days, but now I was all ready to face the world, just as soon as I opened my eyes and got out of bed. I knew I should be moving now, but I didn't want to just yet. My bed felt extra comfy today, and it would still take me another minute to remember what was different.

A minute passed. I could hear voices somewhere outside my door. Mum and Lindy, already awake somewhere in the house. But they weren't right there, because I couldn't hear the words they were saying. Then my memories started to come back. Mum tucking me into bed last night while Lindy giggled. She wanted to feel like she was the big one, and I didn't really mind that. But when I remembered, I knew that I didn't have my paci. Mum had tucked me in, and I hadn't wanted to get up again so I could get it out of my drawer. So what was I sucking? I reluctantly opened my eyes, tried to look down at my own mouth, and slowly realise that it was my own thumb I was sucking on. I laughed to myself a little, finding it funny that I hadn't realised right away. And after another minute, I thought it would be a good idea to stop sucking on it. So I pulled my thumb out and gave Mr Muggins and Lincoln kisses on their cheeks. That was a silly thing to do; I was still acting like a baby, and only made me giggle more. The more I played along with the baby role, the easier it was not to care about what was embarrassing. It was fun, I knew that by now. So why should I care about all the people who'd told me that I shouldn't have fun?

Now my eyes were open, I could see a little strip of rainbow on the wall, shining through the gap in the curtains. The sun must be up already, so my alarm hadn't woken me up. But that was a good thing, because I'd got a full sleep, even after I'd woken up a couple of hours ago. And then I remembered deciding that it was better to wet my diaper than to keep on struggling to hold it. I'd listened to those wind chimes again, the ones I had conditioned myself to respond to. And it had been so easy. I'd let go in seconds and wet myself, and I'd fallen asleep as soon as the pressure in my bladder dropped below some pain threshold, before I even finished peeing. It had been so easy, and I felt great in the morning too. I knew that if I checked my sleep log now, I would find that I'd slept deeper and more efficiently than any night in the last week. I should try to stop thinking of it as gross; this time, having a little accident had been a good thing overall.

At least, until Mum found me in a wet diaper. I didn't know what I would say then. But there was no way I could hide it. I'd made a decision and now I had to live with it. I picked up Lincoln again and snuggled him, telling my best bear that I was going to be okay because Mummy wasn't too mean. I felt a little silly behaving like that, but if I was a baby I should play the role a bit. It didn't do that much for me; the inexplicable joy always seemed to come from other people talking to me like I was a baby. Still, it didn't feel bad as such, and I'd found when Mum last treated me like a little kid that playing the role made it more comfortable for her, reassuring her that it was really something I'm comfortable with.

I looked at my phone again, but there wasn't a reply from Nadine yet. I should just assume that our plans were still on, and that Mr Newman wasn't being a total nightmare after everything that had happened recently. I poked my phone for a few minutes, but I was still limited in what I could do with it. And I knew that I should be getting up, getting dressed, and going about my day. But I was still nervous to open the door; there was a lazy demon on my shoulder telling me that if I put off leaving my room, I might never have to admit to Mum that I was wet.

Those thoughts were interrupted by a sharp rap on the door. I jumped, and almost fell off the bed as I tried to get my balance again. But I quickly hopped up and started running towards the door. Then I hesitated, and turned back. I wasn't dressed yet, and Lindy's demand about not wearing anything over my diaper for bed had become a habit now. I would need to grab my dressing gown at least before letting my family see me. I was just turning round when I heard the door open behind me.