The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

Endless Revelations

Jimin

      "Are you comfortable? Need anything? Snacks? A drink—more pillows?!"
       "Jimin! Please stop! I'm fine." Tae sighs and relaxes back against my old bed from Jin and Jungkook's place. I fluff the pillows again but he swats me away. "Enough. Seriously. I'm gonna drown in pillows."
I hold my hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. Sorry." I guess I'm a little worried.
He fiddles with the blanket, plucking at a loose strand, not looking at me. "Hey...can I ask you something? Seriously?"
"Anything."
He doesn't speak for a long moment and I think he forgot or changed his mind but then he looks up. Tears are in his eyes and he looks...troubled. "D-do you think I'm disgusting? How could you not? Why don't you hate me? Not only did I do all those terrible things to you and broke your heart b-but I also made you lose your boyfriend and n-now...now the whole Namjoon thing." He looks down, shame on his face. I brush a tear from his cheek. "I'm a disgusting freak and you should hate my guts. Why are you helping me?"
       I slowly sit down and stare at my hands, a million thoughts racing through my mind. I release a breath that sounds more like a sigh. "I did hate you." Barely able to whisper it aloud. "I liked you so much. So fucking much, Taehyung. I was in love with you. I would have given you anything or done anything for you." I pause, uncomfortable. "But I was lying, too. I was pretending to be something I wasn't and was also dragging you along with me."
       He doesn't speak, listening intently.
       Groaning, I continue. "I never wanted you to know the truth but honestly I think I know deep down we never would have worked out the way we were. You were suffering just like I was suffering just in different ways but neither wanted to be honest with the other. Did you ever really love me or was everything an act on your part? Even a little bit?"
       He bites his lip, twisting his hands in front of him. He looks...softer, more vulnerable than I've seen him in...well, maybe never. "Yes, I did. I was too obsessed with Namjoon, though, to properly think about it. I was just following orders...that's what I thought." He laughs. "I was an arrogant ass and used you but I secretly loved that you wanted me. You were a great boyfriend, you know? Besides the whole cheating thing." He smiles.
       I choke out a laugh. "Right. I was a slut."
      He sobers up. "I'm sorry for helping him rape you and getting you pregnant. That was fucked up."
      I eye his stomach. "I'm over it. I love my child and don't regret it. Maybe I wouldn't have chosen this life exactly but I don't regret being a parent even when it's hard. She's my whole world."
      He smiles, eyes glassy. Reaching for my hand, he swallows hard. "Jimin...I need to tell you something. You might really hate me but I need to say it."
       I frown, suddenly unsure as fear replaces humor. "You can tell me anything." My skin prickles as he works himself up. A weird sense of foreboding overcoming me.
      "T-this...this isn't my first pregnancy."
       I keep my face smooth and calm. "Namjoon got you pregnant before?"
       His eyes widen and he shakes his head wildly. "No! Sleeping with him was recent." He blushes, scratching his neck.
       I think. "Jungkook?"
      He meets my confused gaze straight and bold. "I was pregnant with yours, Jimin. For real. I was gonna have your baby."
      Everything goes still and silent. My mind screaming at the implications. He didn't lie about being pregnant with my child?! Then how!
       I force my mouth open. "Y-you got rid of it?" Completely blindsided and unsure what to think or say or do. How could he do that to me? To us? To a child?
      He shudders, more tears spilling. "I didn't do it...not intentionally. I wanted it." He admits in a hoarse whisper.
      I glare at him unable to stop myself. "Then how? You killed my baby?" I stand and pace, anger bubbling up inside me.
      "No! I didn't...I didn't do it!" He cries. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know not everything was a complete lie! I'm r-really sorry, Jimin." He sobs.
      I face away from him clenching my fists. "Then who did? What happened to our baby, Taehyung?!"
      "It was an accident!"
      "What kind of accident? Why is it so hard to tell me if it was? Why do you look so guilty! Why are you crying!" My voice raises but I can't help it. I'm trying to understand but can't. "Did you do it because of me? Was it my fault! Did you hate me that much!" I yell, panicked sobs ripping out of my throat. Nearly hysterical at this point.
       He shakes his head, sobbing into his hands. "It wasn't like that!"
       Panting, I furiously wipe my own tears away. "I want to understand but you aren't explaining anything! Why won't you tell me!"
      "It was my fault."
     I jerk in surprise and turn to see Namjoon lingering in the doorway, a pensive and concerned look on his face. Guilt heavy in his eyes. What...no. No he didn't. He wouldn't. He wouldn't go that far, right?
      He crosses his arms and I vaguely notice dirt caked on his hands and clothes. I'm too wrapped up in this crazy revelation to ask, however. I stride to him and grasp his shirt, pulling his face closer to mine. "What did you do?" Accusation coating every word.
       He stares down at me for a long moment before glancing over at his brother who keeps shaking his head, crying.
      He takes a deep breath and his next words break my entire world apart.
      "I killed it. On purpose."
      I release him, horror obvious on my face as I step away from him, not wanting to touch him, I got Tae pregnant and Namjoon killed our child? How? Why?
      A sob chokes out of my throat of it's on volition. "Why?"
       He straightens his shoulders and I feel like I've never seen him look so stoic. So cold. "Because I believed it best."
       "For who!" I gape at him. Rushing forward, I slap him hard across the face. "How could you! How was that your decision?! After everything you did to me and to him!" I laugh, falling to my knees. Unable to breathe. "If you hadn't forced me to get pregnant of your own will...would you have killed my child, too?
      I don't want to know but I have to.
      He hesitates but I don't know what it means. "I was a different person back then, Jimin. I honestly can't say what I would have done if things were different." He sounds just as broken but there's honest steele behind his words. Maybe he would have...killed our baby...what...
      I clench my eyes shut and focus on breathing. When does this shit ever end! Why is it always something. Can't I have a day of peace in this life?!
      Silently, I get up and march towards the door. I shove past Namjoon and I'm a little surprised he doesn't try to stop me but then again it would be stupid if he did. I need to be alone. I need to think. Rethink. I don't know what to do anymore.
Can we go on through all these endless lies and reveries? I'm not too sure anymore how much I can take.