The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

Can't change the past

Taehyung

      I can't calm down. My breathing is labored and my whole body hurts. Why did I have to open my stupid mouth and tell I'm the truth? I've ruined everything again. God. Why can't I just stay in my lane and keep silent. No one needed to know the truth.
       I'm terrified to peak up at Namjoon who's leaning against the closed door, solemn and way too calm after being hit like that. I'm sure he's beyond angry at me. I never planned to tell him that Namjoon was at fault. I don't know why he admitted it.
       "I-I'm so s-sorry..." I sob, choking on tears. I hate myself more than I ever have.
       Namjoon blinks and unfreezes, slowly moving towards me and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Dropping his head down low, he releases a long breath. "Why are you sorry?"
        I swallow, unsure. "Y-you aren't mad I told him? What if he leaves you? Us?"
       He shrugs. "Wouldn't be the first time and I would deserve it now just as much as I did before. I can't be mad it's the truth. I should have never threw you down those stairs. Even if it were Jungkook's kid, it wasn't my place to do that to you. I could have killed you and..." He stops, clenching his fists on his knees.
       "And?" Urging him to continue.
       He finally looks at me, tears in his eyes. "I could have killed you and back then I wouldn't have cared if I did. I was a monster. I don't deserve any of this he really should leave me for good. Everything I touch, I destroy. I've tried to change and I like to think I have but honestly I can't change what I was and did. I'm not mad you told him. I'm sorry how he reacted to you."
       "He has every right to be angry at me."
       "We've really caused him nothing but misery." He muses quietly and I have to agree. I don't want to lose Jimin but is it really fair to keep pushing him like this. He deserves better than both of us. We're too fucked up and broken.
        Neither of us have anything else to say for a long time. Eventually I excuse myself for fresh air. Walking out into the gardens, I spot a small figure by the koi pond. Jungkook really has the best property.
       I hesitantly make my way over to Jimin, who's sitting and stirring the water with his fingers, obviously lost in thought.
       He silently watches me struggle to sit down beside him. "Hey."
        Shuddering out a breath, he whispers a small 'hey' back.
         "I'm not mad at him."
         He scoffs. "How could you forgive him for that? He killed our baby! He could have killed you!"
        Smiling a bit, I shrug. "I guess the same way you forgave him and me all those times."
       "It's not the same, Tae."
       "Isn't it, though? We've done some pretty fucked up shit to you."
        "H-how...how did it happen?"
        I lean back and stare up at the stars, unable to bring myself to recall that day so clearly. "I was taunting him. I made him angry. I was threatening Jungkook." I laugh at the absolute ridiculousness of my past self. "I was going to use the baby to ruin Jungkook and Jin's relationship."
         His eyes widen in shock. "Seriously? So you were going to pretend it was his? Would you ever had told me the truth?" Hurt underlying his voice.
        I take a deep breath, wanting to remain honest. "I don't want to lie to you so I'll be honest—back then I was trash. I probably never would have unless it benefitted me in some way. I only cared about myself and my end goals and Jungkook was the goal. I didn't care about you enough then and happily used you just like Namjoon did." My face heats with shame. "We've all changed but nothing can change the past. You deserve to know the truth."
       He takes it in, nodding. "H-how did he do it?"
       "He pushed me down the stairs." I wince, recalling. "I was taunting him, telling him my plan to mess with his best friend's life. He hated me and had enough. I honestly don't blame him. I probably would have done the same to him has our roles reversed."
       "That doesn't make it okay!"
        "I never said it was okay, I'm just telling you why I've forgive him. I deserved it. I was a menace to everyone including myself. He practically did me a favor."
        "I really hate you think that way."
       "That's because you don't really understand how fucked up we are as a family, Jimin." I sigh, shaking my head. "We've tried to tell you we're a mess but it's hard to understand from the outside looking in if you can't know the context. Nothing makes sense."
        He frowns. "I don't regret slapping him." Huffing.
       "It was funny. The sound was really loud." I smile.
       He hesitates before grasping my hand. "I'm not leaving you guys. I just needed some time."
       "That's a relief. I wouldn't blame you if you did, though. We're not holding you hostage, you know. It would suck but you're allowed to leave us if you want to."
       Scoffing, he chucks a rock into the pond. "I know that. It's just...I'm a mess, too. I don't think anyone else would be able to take my shit besides you two."
       I frown. "Should I be happy about that or offended?"
       He shrugs, standing and helping me up. "Take it as you want but it's what's keeping me by your side." He jokes, dusting us both off.
       I hug him tightly, kissing his cheek. "Let's go talk to our alpha."
       He nods solemnly, pausing. "Hey—is it just me or does he looks like he's been playing in dirt?"
       I shrug. "Beats me. Probably burying bodies somewhere." Chuckling.
       His eyes widen before he joins me, laughing. "He's crazy but I doubt he'd commit murder so easily."
       "Right. He's too much of a neat freak for that." We both laugh at the image of Namjoon digging holes on the ground. "He's too proper for such dirty work."
       There's no way Kim Namjoon would sully himself to such a level and besides me, who else would he want to kill?