The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

The bright side

Jimin

    I don't know what happened. One moment everything was fine and perfect and the next...everything came crashing down in an instant. So fast I think I have whiplash.
    One second I'm smiling and feeling happy and relieved and cherished and loved...and the next...I'm kicked back down into reality and Hell.  
     This is my fault.
     My eyes keep cutting back to Namjoon sitting pale and shaking, holding his head in his hands. Blood is caked all over his clothes but he doesn't care.
     I don't really care, either. The mess isn't what's important. It's the cleaning up and healing that matters.
     God, I hope Taehyung pulls through this. I honestly can't believe he could do something like this. Was he always this depressed? I really don't know him at all, do I?
     This is definitely my fault.
     He had one thing...and I snatched it away from him in a selfish jealous reaction to learning the truth about their bond. I hadn't realized they were that close. It was a childish thing for me to do. I see that now.
     And it might have just cost a life.
     Chewing on my bottom lip, I struggle to hold back tears. The hospital waiting room has never seemed so bleak. So cold and lifeless. The irony isn't lost on me.
     I've been where Taehyung is. I've also attempted to take my own life. It was a failure and I'm glad for it now but...I just can't fathom Taehyung going through this. 
     How could he just try to kill himself like this? I care about him. Namjoon cares about him.
    This...is my fault.
    Namjoon thinks it's his fault.
    Everything is a mess.
    How can such a sweet and amazing moment turn into something so horrible as this? I feel like karma is punishing all of us.
    Why can't we all just be happy? Why does ones happiness have to be hell for the other? It's truly not fair.
    Shuddering in a breath, I hesitantly rub Namjoon's back. "He'll be okay. He's tough. The strongest omega I've ever met. There's no way he won't come back and be stronger for it." I try to encourage but the shaking in my doesn't really help the confidence.
     I don't think Namjoon will recover if Tae doesn't survive. I've never seen such a look of panic and abject terror on his face as he rushed us to his house and up the stairs.
     I didn't know. He didn't tell me.
     After making love...his smile turned to pain and he paled, dragging his clothes on he ran out. He wouldn't tell me anything so I demanded to go with him.
     And...I can't describe how it felt walking into that bathroom. So much blood. Taehyung looked like a doll. A broken doll. So pretty like art. So still...His blood painted morbidly across the bathroom...
     I stood frozen and very small as Namjoon collapsed to his knees as he tried to get Tae to regain consciousness. His skin was whiter than the tile floor.
     He hasn't spoken to me since we left my apartment. I know what he's thinking. Regret. He regrets being with me, choosing me over Taehyung. I didn't know it was like that. Not really. It seems somehow Taehyung and I have always been in some kind of secret competition. Even over his brother.
     It's messed up but I kinda get it.
     It's wrong but I can understand how he came to feel the way he feels for Namjoon.
     Does Namjoon feel the same, though? I know. I know he loves me. It's obvious. I can't doubt that. But does he...love Taehyung like that, too? That's what matters. And if he does then...what? What do we do? Where do we go from here?
    This issue can't be ignored anymore. I was going to let it go. When Tae told me he and Namjoon has sex...it did something to me. I felt jealous and possessive and pissed off about it but I was willing to just move on.
     I can't do that, though. Not now. Before, I figured if Namjoon got back with me and him and Tae separated then things would go back to normal...it goes a lot deeper than I can comprehend, though, doesn't it?
     They love each other. I can't deny that. Maybe that's my fault, too. I fell in love with Taehyung first. Now I'm in love with Namjoon. Both have brought me so much pleasure and so much pain that I guess I'm as fucked up as they are. I still want to do this.
     We're all a mess.
     The door opens and the doctor walks into the room. Namjoon finally raises his head, awaiting the worst. I grasp his hand tightly...praying.
     "Ah, Mr. Kim?"
     Namjoon nods.
    "I'm Dr. Young. Your brother is stable. He has lost a lot of blood and will be unconscious for a few days so his body can recover. His arm is severely damaged but we managed to stitch him up. He'll have deep scars and he most likely won't be able to regain full use of his right hand in the future. He will need extensive therapy—both mental and physical—so this doesn't happen again. He was extremely lucky this time." He frowns. "Also..."
     We both hold our breath as Dr. Young's frown deepens further. "What is it? What else?" Namjoon pleads.
    "I'm happy to tell you by some miracle the baby survived as well. It was close. He nearly miscarried. It was very close."
     Shock courses through me and I know Namjoon feels the same by the look on his face. "B-baby?"
     Baby?
     The doctor nods. "The baby is fine. Everything will be alright but both of them will need serious support."
     I've never seen Namjoon so shaken. Even when finding him. "I'll be there for him."
    "Good. I'll report any changes to you but for now he won't be up for a good while and visiting hours are ending. Go home and rest. You can come back tomorrow."
    

   
     The drive to Namjoon's is deathly silent. I can't stop thinking about it. Baby. Taehyung's baby. He's pregnant. He's having a baby. It's Namjoon's. Will Namjoon leave me now? We have Ryujin but I have nothing else to hold him to me. He has to be there to support Tae...
     God. I can't say anything.   
     Neither of us move as he parks the car. We don't look at each other, either.  
     "I'm sorry." His whisper fully conveys the pain he's in. Hollow.
     I can barely manage to swallow. "W-what are you sorry for? Taehyung is alive and having your baby. That's great. It's a miracle." And it is. Fucked up as it is...it truly is a miracle. I can't fault any of that. I can't begrudge Tae his life and I won't ever do that.
     He finally looks at me. Tears shine in his eyes. "I love you, Park Jimin."
     I don't bother holding back my own tears. I look back down. "I love you, too. I wanted to tell you under different circumstances but..."
     We both break at the same time and reach for each other, sobbing and clinging to one another for support. I love Kim Namjoon. I can finally admit it fully. I want a life with him. I don't care about the past or anything to happen in the future. I just want him to be with me.
     Don't leave me.
     My heart is breaking to pieces. "It's okay. It's going to be okay, Joon. I'm here, okay? We'll get through this."   
    "Can we really? How can you still want to be with me after all this? It's too much, right?" He buries his face in my chest and cries, fingers digging into my arms.
      I tighten my hold on him. He's done so much for me over the years...I can do this much for him. No one asked for this. Not me or Namjoon and, least of all, Taehyung. I'm strong enough for that. I tilt his chin up and meet his eyes. "I want to help you with Taehyung. I want to be there for you both."
     "I can't do this to you, Jimin."
     "Well I can't lose you or him." I pause, hesitating. "I love him, too. He's important to me. I want to see him get better and be happy."
     "Even at your own expense?"
     "If he has to have you to be happy and feel better then...then I'm willing to share. I don't want to let you go now that I've worked everything out. Don't leave me and I won't leave you." I counter as confidently as I can muster.
     He pulls me in his arms. "I fucking love you. I will make this up to you, I swear, but I have to protect him—even from hisself."
     Smiling sadly, I touch his wet cheeks. "I know and I will help you. Two is better than one, anyway, right?" I joke, desperately trying to lighten the mood. "At least now Ryujin will have a sibling."
      He groans. "I can't believe he's pregnant. How the hell could I ever admit I'm the father? He's my little brother for gods sake!"
     I quickly assess the issue. "If anyone asks...we'll tell them it's mine. Problem solved."
     He gives me an odd look that makes me self conscious. I go on. "It's possible, you know. Before, he pretended he was pregnant with mine, right? Well now this will make up for the lie. Better late than never, right?"
     He shakes his head. "I really don't deserve you, baby." He kisses my head.
     "No, I think it's the other way around. None of us asked for this life to end up like this but we can at least do the best we can with what we're given. I've learned to try and find the bright side." Shrugging. My amusement dies a little, though. "I'm happy he's alive. I want to make sure he never feels like this again. No one deserves to feel like their life is worthless. I won't let him think that." I know all too well the feeling.
      "The bright side..." He muses quietly as we get out of the vehicle and head into the house.
     I grab the bleach and a ton of towels to clean up the bathroom while Namjoon goes about making the proper plans and appointments for Tae's recovery.
    Standing alone in the red and white bathroom, I feel...revived somehow. We can do this. This isn't rocket science. We can make this work. Somehow...a new beginning for all of us.
    What we thought was the loss of one life has now became the rebirthing of two. It's truly...going to be a happy time. I have to remember that.  
     Every bit of darkness has a bright side...