Sudden decisions

3 - A bitter awakening

Sanem

Last night I dreamt of my albatross.
It's been weeks since I've done anything else, every night I relive in my dreams the magical moments when he held me close to him and I experienced my first real kiss.
This night, however, the dream was much, much more vivid than the previous ones.
I dreamt that he held me tightly to him as we moved to the slow rhythm of a beautiful song, my cheek on his chest, his warm embrace making me feel small and safe.
Now I even feel like I can see him in front of me, he looks like Can bay, but that's ok I say to myself smiling, it's a dream and in dreams it can happen that everything is mixed up.
I keep smiling as I look around and slowly realise that something just doesn't seem right.
He seems so real, the light hitting my eyes and the warmth of the sun's rays on my face seem so real... too real.
In an instant I snap to my seat as I look around with one terrible thought in my head.
"Anne, Mum!" I exclaim as I impulsively stand up to go to the door of the cabin just to confirm that I'm not dreaming: it's morning and I spent the whole night alone with him.

I realise that I look almost like a madwoman in his eyes as I frantically move around the shed in search of my dress and shoes, but he clearly cannot know what will happen if I don't hurry home before my parents' alarm goes off.
"She's going to kill me, my mother is going to kill me, I'm sure of it. What time is it?" I ask him as I kneel down to stick my head under the couch looking for one of the shoes that inexplicably disappeared into thin air.
"6.00am, why?"
I emerge victoriously with the shoe in one hand shaking the shaggy hair from my face with the other.

"Quick, close the door to the  hut, please Can bay. I need to change and get home before 6.45."
He looks at me questioningly. "Why 6.45?"
Jumping on one foot and then the other, I start to take off the long terrycloth socks he lent me the day before.
"Like why? What questions does Can bay ask? Because at 6:45 my parents' alarm clock rings and by then I have to have snuck into my room.
Hadi, come on, close the door and the blinds so I can change."

Within 25 minutes I had put on my beautiful evening dress, walked barefoot with shoes in hand to his car and we were already in my neighbourhood.
Maybe I have a chance of succeeding, I say to myself, nervously running my hands through the tangled strands of my hair.
"Lutfen, please Can bay, leave me a few streets away from my house."

He turns his eyes away from the street for a few moments to rest his gaze on me and then on my fluffy evening dress.
"Do you think you can go unnoticed walking around the neighbourhood in the early hours of the morning in this dress?"
I in turn lower my gaze to the amount of coral-coloured tulle covering me, and I can only agree that in addition to hindering my movements, I would hardly be able to go unnoticed in this dress if I were to meet someone.
He's right, the only thing to do is to get home and hope that everyone is still asleep, especially Melahat, our gossipy neighbour.
As we arrive at the front door of the house Can bay turns off the engine and hurries down to come help me emerge from under the mountain of tulle I've sunk into.

"Thank you."
I whisper hurriedly moving towards the house with the key down ready in my hand when, an instant before I reach to insert it into the lock, the worst of my nightmares seem to come true.
The door opens slowly to reveal the stern faces of both my parents and I can't help but be petrified as their gaze moves from me to my dress and then to the man still standing behind me.
I freeze, trying to think of a lie, a plausible explanation, but at the moment I can't seem to think of one that would be remotely convincing.
As I turn to cast a horrified glance at Can Bay, I see behind him the lace curtains of the house across the street move and Melahat's face peeks out curiously to see what's going on in the street in the early morning.
I feel myself freezing.
I look back at my parents only to realize that they too have seen Melahat, the biggest gossip in the whole neighbourhood, watching me come home at the crack of dawn in the company of a man.

With dismay I realise what this can mean: my reputation, and that of my family, is about to be ruined forever in the eyes of the entire neighbourhood because of me.

I hear my mother's low, controlled voice inviting me in.
"I think you better go upstairs and change your clothes Sanem.
Hurry up, we're waiting for you in the kitchen."

It is then my father who speaks in an equally serious tone towards Can.
"I take it you are Sanem's boss, Can Divit right? I would like to talk to you for a moment if you don't mind. Please go and park your car around the corner and come inside to have tea with us."

I feel my heart pounding in my ears as I turn to look for Can bay's gaze but it's locked on my dad right now, he nods seriously and then goes back to his truck to move it.
I enter the house avoiding my mother's gaze and, as far as my voluminous dress allows me, I try to run up the stairs to my room, deeply shaken by the thought of what awaits me downstairs.
I hastily remove my dress with trembling hands, hurriedly slip on my jeans and T-shirt and barefoot rush downstairs in time to see Can bay take off his boots and respectfully slip into the guest slippers we keep by the front door.

As I rush down the steps he raises a look at me that I can't interpret, then moves towards the kitchen at my mother's invitation.
I hurry after them, wringing my hands, unable to believe what a huge mess I've gotten myself into this time.

My father is sitting at the table and with a serious expression he motions Can bay to sit in front of him while my mother places a steaming cup of tea in front of him.
I sit stiffly in the chair watching my father and Can bay stare at each other in a tense, meaningful silence.Finally it is my father who speaks.
"I expect you to come soon, this very week, to ring our doorbell with the most honourable of proposals for our daughter Can bay.
I don't know how it works in your world, but you must know that in ours certain freedoms are not allowed or condoned to a girl from a good family like our Sanem."

I put out a hand to stifle an exclamation of dismay at these words and what they mean for my future.
I can't believe this is really happening.
I shake my head as my mind can only go back to that moment, to that party and my decision to take his hand to follow the evil king into the dark forest.
I knew, I felt, that he would take me with him into dangerous adventures and now I was about to pay the price for my rash choice.
That sudden decision, taken without thinking, was about to change the course of my life forever.
Our lives.