Sudden decisions

40 - Engagement

Can

I rang the doorbell at Aydin's house with a false smile on my lips and a boulder of regret weighing on my heart, this is not how I would have wanted things to have gone, I would have wanted to be happy and excited about introducing my father to my fiancée's family.

The door was opened by a Sanem who looks even more beautiful every time I meet her, in a provocative red dress she is the embodiment of sensuality, the temptation that is hard to resist and not what I would like to deal with right now. I can't deny that I am attracted to her, I have been from the first moment we touched in the dark of the theatre and when I first saw her in the agency, but right now I wish it wasn't so, I just want to continue to be angry and despise her for what she has done to me.

I try to shake off these thoughts to enjoy the pleasure of returning to Aydin's house and meeting Sanem's parents, they are people of a benevolence from another time and I cannot deny that every time Mrs Mevkibe holds me in her arms and calls me son something melts inside me. It is with pride that I introduce them to my father, the one fixed point in my life, my family in the absolute sense.

'Mr and Mrs Aydin, it is a pleasure to meet you. Your Sanem is a beautiful creature and I am happy that my son Can met her and decided to want her for himself. I wish them all the best for the future together, side by side'.

Sanem's parents smile movingly while I feel torn by guilt for the lie I am carrying out, but the fault is mine alone I tell myself, I was a fool to believe I had met a rare creature only to discover later that it was all a sham. I meet her eyes that look sorrowful, sad, but right now I cannot give her the benefit of the doubt, I cannot believe she is sorry for what she has done.

The evening unfolds quietly, I continue to play my role as a boyfriend in love and Sanem seems to humour me even though she appears tense, nervous.

'Everything is already organised for the engagement party in a week's time, thanks to the help of the women in my neighbourhood everything will be ready in time' Mevbike is clearly over the moon, her cheeks as red as a child excited about the event she is preparing so carefully. Nihat rests his hand on hers smiling proudly. 'If anyone could organise an engagement in such a short time, this is my wife. She is a force of nature and to give her daughters the best she would do anything, you can swear."

Once again my gaze meets Sanem's troubled one as we are both aware of how things really are, I almost feel as if she is directing me a pleading look, but I know I cannot and will not do anything to change things.
My hands are tied, I cannot back down. I tried, in anger, to convince myself that I would do it, that I would blow it, but now in my cool mind I am aware that I cannot, never, ever, back out of my word to her parents. Sadly I wanted to leave her in uncertainty, but in reality I already know that we are going to get married, may Allah help us. That this engagement will be called off is out of the question both because it would affect my father's health, whom I think I have not seen so happy in years, and because I know I cannot disappoint these good people whom I now see smiling so warmly at me.

When, on my way out, I greet Sanem on the doorstep with a kiss on the cheek, I cannot ignore her almost desperate look. "Can, please...." I shake my head softly and whisper softly to her so that no one can hear us. "It can't be otherwise Sanem". I know she would have wanted to retort just as I realised she would have wanted to resume the conversation several times over the next few days, but I didn't allow it, I always tried to avoid being alone by arriving late and perhaps leaving the agency early with my father. It is pointless to talk about it again, everything is settled as far as I am concerned.

In the eyes of others, I tried to appear as the most affectionate of boyfriends and one evening I went so far as to tell my father that I was going out with Sanem, so as not to give rise to doubts about our relationship, instead going to the coast to be alone and think. The news coming in from the private investigator as the days go by about Emre is more and more disconcerting, he has been living an excessive lifestyle for months, spending exorbitant sums on evenings out at fancy clubs, expensive clothes and women of dubious repute. I cannot associate this Emre with the figure of the task manager I see every day in the agency. The account she gave me of Sanem, on the other hand, leaves me confused, there is nothing to say, she is a simple suburban girl with an immaculate life, devoid of excesses or crazy spending. So why did she take all that money from my brother? This is still being investigated by Mr Kılıç when we arrived on Saturday, the day of the engagement party.