Sudden decisions

66 - Our Life

Can

"Can I hope to be part of this future Sanem of yours?"
I hold my breath waiting for her answer which unfortunately is not exactly the one I would like, but which all in all I expected at this moment.
"I don't know Can, as I told you, I can't figure out what I want."

Silence falls between us, I don't want to press her, my job right now is to support her in everything, be it daily activities or work choices. I don't want her to feel stressed and at the same time I want her to be free to decide what she wants to take care of. I would love for her to come back to Fikri Harika, she is brilliant, creative and it would be a way to have her close to me all day, that's all I would want, but it's only fair that she decides what she wants to do.

I have been here in Gölcük for over a month now, I have chosen to put my professional life on standby, I work a few hours in the mornings when Sanem is at the workshops, but the rest of the day I want to devote all of it to her, or more precisely to us.

I love shopping together as a real couple, preparing meals, tidying up the kitchen elbow to elbow now that she is slowly relaxing again when she is with me. She is physically recovering from the nausea of the early days, I feel like she is somehow blossoming again, she is as bright as ever.
They say that a woman who is expecting a child flourishes again, and indeed Sanem is more beautiful to me every day. I have the impression that her form is rounding off while there is a brightness in her eyes that has something magical, atavistic, the secret of motherhood, the period that is said to be the most exciting in a woman's life.
I avoid pressurising her, but I pursue my plan of conquest with determination, I want to show her in every way how dear and special she is to me. Small gestures but not only, I want to have special attention for her and invent unique moments to share together.
So it is that one Sunday morning I organise everything without her knowledge and propose that we go out for a walk.

Getting into the car I read the excitement of the novelty in her eyes and I realise only now that since we met there has been very little room for walks and carefree moments.
"Where are we going Can?"
"Sürpriz, surprise."
In the hour and a half of the journey I have the chance to discover another Sanem, the one who looks at the world with the eyes of a curious child, the cheerful woman who sings at the top of her voice and moves on her seat to the rhythm of the music, or the inexhaustible chatterbox who has an anecdote from her neighbourhood to tell about everything she sees. When in the last stretch the road becomes a little more bumpy and full of bends I slow down worried that it might bother her giving her plenty of time to enjoy the view where the mountains, covered with dense forests of pine, fir and beech trees are reflected in the waters of a lake.
"How nice, where exactly are we?"

I smile, extending my hand to caress her cheek tenderised by her genuine enthusiasm. "We are at Gölcük Nature Park, just wait and see". I know this place well, I was there as a university student for a holiday. After a few kilometres I pull into a widening and get out, inviting her to do the same.
"Come and see how wonderful Sanem is".

I take her by the hand and lead her towards the fence of a viewpoint from which there is the best possible view of the lake in the distance and the unique wooden construction that makes that landscape an enchanted place in every season.

I hear her hold her breath and then erupt into an enthusiastic exclamation.
"Can, it's beautiful!"
I don't want to take advantage of the situation, but every opportunity is good to hug her, so I bring myself behind her holding her in my arms and against my chest resting my chin on her shoulder and whispering in her ear.
"You are beautiful and when you smile you are even more so."

He rotates his head to give me a look that is meant to be stern but is ill matched by the wonderful smile on his face. What is interesting to me is that she does not shy away from my embrace, but rather I feel her relax as she sighs. We stay like this for a long time, enjoying the beneficial warmth of the sun's rays on a beautiful spring day and the fresh, crystal-clear air of this wonderful place.
"Let's go, the surprises are not over yet".