Sudden decisions

20 - Surreal situations

Sanem

I walk down the corridor to fetch my bag in the changing room to go back to Mr Akif's print shop to collect Miss Deren's prints.
I am getting more and more confused, for the past two days I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster that never stops running.
My heart hasn't had a moment's respite from the moment I took Can's outstretched hand leading me away from that party to when I heard him say that, as his bride-to-be, it is only right that I should wear his grandmother's engagement ring.

I stride briskly through the agency towards the stairs leading to the exit when I hear my name called.
I turn around only to find to my dismay that Polen is behind me, trying to catch up with me as fast as her vertiginous heels and the wide strides of her very long legs allow.
"Sanem, are you leaving? Me too, shall we go down together?"
I don't need to answer as she stands beside me as I begin to descend the first few steps.
"Listen, I know we barely know each other but I'm too curious, I need to know.
When did your story start? 
Can and I have been together for years, many times I've turned a blind eye to his flings, but our relationship has always worked because we are very similar in background and lifestyle. Now he comes to me and tells me he is marrying someone else, someone completely different from me and the kind of women he has always dated. Something does not add up, I know him very well, Can is an honest man, a man of honour, and my impression is that he was somehow forced to make this decision'.

Arriving at the end of this monologue almost breathless, I pause at the foot of the stairs, lower my gaze for a moment towards that ring so special for its history and the affections attached to it, then turn towards Polen. I cannot reveal the truth to her at this moment, the prestigious campaign with Mr Fabri is at stake, and with it the very existence of the agency. I know that for the moment I have to be determined in supporting this engagement even if inside I am aware that she is right, Can has been forced by circumstances into a bond that he would probably never have established with someone like me.

I answer her as calmly as possible, I don't want to argue, but I know what she is trying to do.
'Polen I understand that our sudden bonding may seem rather peculiar. It seems incredible that such a charming and powerful man could have even remotely decided to get close to someone like me, doesn't it? I think Can has already given you his reasons and if not, it is to him that you must go for further clarification, certainly not to me.

She stiffens, directing an icy stare at me. "It's you I'm asking and I can tell from the way you're trying to avoid answering that there's something going on and I have every intention of finding out, I'm warning you."

I do not intend to add anything more, I cannot and do not want to.
"Görüşürüz, goodbye Polen."
I turn my back on her and leave the agency, getting into the first passing taxi to return to the print shop.
For the whole journey and the time I spend there waiting for the prints all I do is think about Can, about that attraction that seems to unite us and the thousand circumstances that divide us instead. Our different social backgrounds, his prestige, my lies, the obligations he feels towards me and my family.
I return to the agency late in the afternoon when by now all the guys have left, hand the printouts to Miss Deren and leave, carefully avoiding going near Can's office.
I need to be away from him, I am confused by his words, his closeness and his unexpected gestures. I feel the need to be alone for a while and gather the courage to talk to my parents, perhaps tonight before my mother starts preparing for Can's visit, I cannot allow it to come to that.

I leave the agency and reach the coast where, sitting on my beloved rocks, I stay until I see the sun disappear behind the Maiden's Tower and the minarets towering imperiously on the other side of the Bosphorus. I have tried to regain the determination that animated me last night when, still sitting here on these same rocks, I came to the resolution that the only solution to this absurd situation is to get away from Istanbul for a while or maybe forever.
I know I have to be the one to stop this madness, I have to make my parents understand that there can be no engagement, it is not right above all to force Can to make such a commitment to a woman who is almost a stranger to him.

I set off at a slow pace towards home as the street lamps slowly light up on the promenade and in the streets leading to my neighbourhood. I am determined, I want to talk to my parents right away to give them time to come to terms with the situation while I catch up with Ayhan who must have gone home by now.

I open the door and immediately my mother's voice calls me from the kitchen.
"Saaaneeemmm!"
I absent-mindedly slip off my shoes and barefoot walk down the long corridor mentally going over my intended speech, when I register with surprise the laughter of my parents coming from the kitchen.

I look out of the door curiously and cannot believe the scene I find before me. Can is sitting at the table with my parents and they are all laughing practically with tears in their eyes.
My father even slaps Can's shoulder with amusement, asking between laughs: 'No, I don't believe it. Did he really say that?"

For a moment I think I am still asleep in Can Divit's shed. The scene I am witnessing at the moment and what I have experienced over the past few days can be nothing more than a nightmare from which I hope to wake up soon.

My mother spots me and, still laughing, beckons me with her hand to join them at the table. "Sanem, come, come. Can is telling us a very funny episode that happened during a trip. Where did it happen Can?"

"In India."

"Yes in India, in fact Sanem let's do this, go and change while I finish setting the table in the garden. Can came looking for you and we invited him in to wait for your return and talking we discovered that he loves dolma. Guess what I made for dinner tonight? We invited him to stay with us, I can't not let him taste them, right Can?"

He nods, flashing his best smile for my mother's benefit.
"Teşekkür ederim, thank you Mrs Aydın, I will be honoured to taste your dolmas."
I wouldn't swear to it but I can see my mother blushing as she makes a vague gesture with her hand.
'What Mrs Aydın, I already told you that you can call me Mevkibe oğul, son'.

Son? I shake my head in disbelief, how long have I been sitting on the rocks? How long has Can been in my house to have already become 'son' to my mother?

My father intervenes to ask Can I don't know what about an Indian taxi driver who tried to swindle him out of his change and at that point the situation seems so surreal to me that I decide to go and change.
I need some time to try to understand what exactly is going on in my life since a certain Can Divit has entered it and monopolised every aspect of it, from work to family dinners to sleepless nights when all I do is think back to every minute we spend together.