Sudden decisions

27 - Pages

Can

I can't stand that man, Osman I think his name is, I can't stand that he touches her.
I actually think I can't stand that no man touches her or even lays eyes on her.
It was precisely because of this inexplicable feeling of possession towards her that I am here this evening after all.

A few days ago I dragged her away from the party and away from Fabri precisely because I could not allow that man to touch her or even look at her. That was the beginning of everything and that's how we got to today.
I untie myself from Akif's embrace to reach her and take her away from the arms of that man who did not deserve her. If he really loved her, he should have claimed her in the eyes of her parents and the whole world as I am doing tonight.
I place a hand on her hip and hold her to me as I stand between her and Osman, take her in my arms and directing a reassuring smile at her I ask how she feels.
She remains silent as she fixes her gaze on mine with an expression of extreme fragility, a vulnerability that knows how to touch my heart. I am well aware that from the first moment I met them, those big hazel eyes were able to reach deep chords of my lonely soul.
During our first meeting at the agency, even before I knew she was the mysterious woman of the theatre, hearing her talk about me with Guliz and Cey Cey I was not indifferent to her charm and with time her candour had been able to reach where no woman ever could. All the fault of those huge eyes and those full, rosy lips that attracted me and ...
BeforeI lose control in front of her family and friends, I pull away, putting my arm on her shoulders to guide her towards her mother.

I greet Mevkibe with the traditional hand-kissing due to people to whom one owes respect and then pull out from my jacket pocket the ring box I bought in the afternoon. It was strange and exciting to walk into a jewellery shop and ask to see the engagement rings, I didn't think I was ready for something like that and instead I enjoyed it. I thought only of her and the idea that from that night on she would have my ring on her finger and not Osman's made me feel good, maybe even too good.
"Here Mrs Mevkibe...our rings."
Sanem's mother directs the most beautiful of smiles at me, it's incredible the warmth this woman with her good looks and benevolent smile manages to convey with every gesture that makes me feel welcomed, at ease. She nods her head visibly excited and walks away smiling, the red velvet case in her hands and her eyes shining.

It is Nihat at this point who approaches us. I greet him too with the ritual hand-kissing, but soon find myself squeezed into his enthusiastic embrace as he says: 'Come here boy, there's no need for all these formalities, you're one of the family now'.
His words move me almost as much as hisarms that, by holding me, are unconsciously relieving a great lack, that of my father, who has always been my only point of reference in a life devoid of family affection.

We both turn away excitedly, exchanging a look of understanding that is worth a thousand words. Nihat is telling me that he trusts me, that he is happy to entrust me with his precious asset, his Sanem. I would like to tell him that he can rest assured and that his erkenci kus is in good hands, but here comes Mevkibe back with a tray on which he has placed a scissors and the two rings tied by the traditional red ribbon, the 'kurdela'.

We have arrived at another important moment in the ceremonial traditionally planned for this evening. It is up to Nihat, as the oldest representative of the family, to proceed with the cutting of the ribbon.
He takes the scissors from the tray while I take the rings and with my throat closed in emotion I turn to Sanem. I look intensely into her eyes for a moment trying to reassure her as I myself want to convince myself that this is the right thing to do, I lower my gaze to her hand and slide the ring onto her slender finger. Returning for a moment to look into her eyes I smile at her nodding encouragingly and put mine on and then turn with her towards Nihat. His eyes are glazed over and he is visibly excited, he grasps the red ribbon linking our rings with two fingers ready to cut it as he clears his throat before speaking.

"Can, Sanem, today is your engagement day, a special day when you begin a new journey together, the moment when the page of one meets the page of the other and together you begin to write the book of your lives. May Allah always protect your union."

Having spoken these beautiful words with his voice broken by emotion Nihat cuts the ribbon amidst the applause and shouts of jubilation of all those present. I turn to Sanem and look intensely into her eyes, she is excited, her eyes are as shiny touched by her father's words as I am. I smile at her and whisper softly, "Shall we start writing the book of our lives together Sanem?" She looks at me with her huge wide eyes, I feel her hands squeeze mine even tighter as she shyly returns my smile, looks away for a moment and then sinks her gaze back into mine as she nods.

Everyone wants to congratulate us once again, we are pulled apart and swept back into a whirlwind of kisses, hugs and congratulations. It is only much later that I manage to reach her again to hold her against me, laying my hand on her hip while Mevkibe is telling everyone funny anecdotes about her engagement to Nihat. At dismissal I know that I should leave with my brother and my friends, who might want to go partying, but I have other plans, plans that can no longer be put off now that Sanem knows I am the albatross.

As we descend the stairs I flank Sanem's parents. " With your permission I would like to take Sanem to the seafront for a walk, we have spent very little time together these days and..." Nihat doesn't even allow me to finish speaking, he rests a hand on my arm smiling. "Of course Can, it's normal that you want to spend time together, no problem, right Mevkibe?" With her usual good-natured smile Sanem's mother nods "Sure son, go ahead, you need some time to yourselves".

And once again that 'son' comes to solicit feelings that for years I had tried to keep at bay, needs that I didn't want to acknowledge, but which I don't have time to analyse now. Immediately outside the door we say goodbye to everyone, I hug my brother and my friends, smiling at their jokes about the fact that I have now fallen into a trap, kiss Sanem's parents' hand and then possessively place an arm on her shoulders as she greets Ayhan and Osman.

I want to make it very clear how things stand now, Sanem is an engaged woman, my fiancée, there is no room for anyone else, least of all that man who gave her a lavish ring and then never had the courage to come forward. As we head silently towards the promenade I remove my arm from her shoulders and take her small hand in mine. She lowers her gaze in surprise at our joined hands but remains silent, a silence that accompanies us to the shores of the Bosphorus where she guides me safely between the rocks to a boulder just in front of the beautiful Leander Tower lit up in the darkness of the night.

We stop side by side to observe it for a long time in silence, then she turns slowly towards me and tilting her head to the side she observes me, her eyes sparkling in the dim light coming from the street lamps on the promenade.

In a whisper I hear her say, "It's you..."

I nod as I move closer to her until I brush against her to whisper softly in her ear. "It's me, it's always been me..."