Sudden decisions

71 -Falling in love with you

Sanem

"I only ask you to open your heart to me, if it can be love let it be Sanem, let's see where it takes us. Can you do that? Can you trust me and give our marriage a chance?"

The intense look Can is directing at me right now tells me he is serious. He has said and repeated several times that he is intent on doing things right and that he intends to stay by my side to make up for past mistakes.
I am aware that I also have my faults, not everything that went wrong in our relationship was his fault, I have also done so much wrong to him.
We are husband and wife, we are expecting a child and for almost two months now he has been here in Gölcük trying in every way to show me that he cares for me above all else. He has even given up the job that seemed so important in the early days of marriage that he forgot about me for days.

I remain silent, my gaze chained to his as a thousand thoughts crowd my mind. Pinar phoned me and said I did a great job and offered me the chance to continue working here in Gölcük in their workshops. I could do that, but I know it is not what I want. I don't like the idea of staying away from Istanbul and my family of course, but I also know that the truth is something else and to make such an important decision I need to fully understand his intentions.

"If I told you I want to stay here to continue working in the cosmetics laboratories what would you do Can?"
Continuing to hold my hands between him he lowers him head for a moment to look at them and my heart skips a beat at the idea that he is about to say he cannot stay. But there he goes again, fixing him gaze in mine with determination, saying: 'You are my wife Sanem, I had decided to come here to take my family back even before I found out you were expecting our child. I followed you because I realised that home is where you are Sanem and for me it will be wherever you decide to live. If you choose to stay here, I will stay beside you because my place is beside you. I have told you and I repeat that I will not leave you."

"What about your job?"

He shrugs, smiling and lifting a hand to caress my cheek. "My work cannot be more important than you or us Sanem, I will set it aside to take care of what really matters and only our marriage and family matters to me now, I don't care about work at all."

I don't need to know any more, I read everything in his eyes that look at me with a devotion that moves me. I release my hands from his to take his face and bring it even closer to mine and let him read the emotion I am feeling at this moment, but I want to ask again. "I don't want you to make sudden, careless decisions Can, are you really willing to give up everything to be here with me?"

Now he is the one who takes my face in his huge hands looking at me with an intensity that makes me shiver.
"The sudden decision to grab your hand and take you away from that party was the best decision I could have made. It was instinctive because I think my heart already knew what I took weeks to understand Sanem.
You are all I want, I don't care about anything else, I am more than sure. If you tell me to stay I'll stay if you tell me to go Sanem I'll stay anyway, even if I have to pitch a tent in your garden if you don't want me in the house. I'm not leaving here without you because..."
He lays a light kiss on my lips and then returns to look at me with a gaze that almost needs no words.
"Because Sanem Aydin seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much. I struggled to admit it even to myself, but now I am sure. Seni çok seviyorum I love you so much and if you let me, I will prove it to you every single moment of my life."

I feel the tears flowing freely down my cheeks but it doesn't matter, I close my eyes for endless moments because I need to keep hearing in my ears the echo of those words I thought I would never hear from him: 'Seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much'.

"Sanem... Sanem"

His heartfelt call forces me to reopen my eyes, which now stare at him almost unable to believe it's true: he loves me, he said he loves me.
But I have to be objective, isn't that basically what he is already showing since he has been here? He has come for me, he has stood by me in spite of my unfriendly attitude towards him and the invitation to leave that I have extended to him several times. He promised not to let me go and I believe him, I want to believe him because....