LOVERBOY [bennett x razor]

chapter 15: his dirty secret

art credit: @januaryamberss on twitter

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS THEMES OF SELF HARM. ⚠️

if you still wish to read the chapter, i have added a warning before the scene!

a sigh escaped bennett's lips as he struggled over his history homework. how was he supposed to know ancient liyuean traditions?? he didn't even live there! he dropped his head into his hands and groaned, frustrated with his lack of intelligence. his poor brain couldn't take any more. it was time for a break.

bennett rose from his chair and walked out of his room to the kitchen. he found albedo there, preparing food for dinner.

the short man turned around to greet his son. he wiped his hands on his apron. "hello, benny."

"hey, dad! whatcha cookin'? smells delicious!" benny peered over his shoulder.

"i'm making steak today. you and your father love meat, so i figured i'd treat you both. right now i'm cooking up some side dishes to complete the meal in nutritional value." his dad made his way to the fridge, searching for an ingredient.

"woah, thanks, dad! you're the best!" bennett pulled his dad in for a hug, causing him to almost drop the butter he just got from the refrigerator. "aCk! oops, sorry, dad."

albedo was ready for something like this, knowing bennett's bad luck, so he didn't even flinch. "don't sweat it. so. what do you need?"

his son chuckled nervously. "w-why do you assume i want something? hahaha..."

the look on albedo's face turned deadpanned, as if to say 'really?' and then he did say it. "really, bennett? i know how you are, i'm your father. so just tell me what you need and i'll see if i can help."

"well, i don't need anything, per se..." bennett glanced up to see his father raise his eyebrows. "...but i sure could use some help on my homework..." he looked at albedo with big puppy eyes to further convince him.

"oh? is that it? then, yes, of course, son. it's no problem at all. that shouldn't be too difficult."

"tch... of course not, not when you're a genius..." mumbled bennett. his dad merely laughed at this.

"anything else i can help you with?"

"nope! well, actually, yes, but i've got to get back to work. i'll tell you guys later, at dinner."

"wait, before you go." albedo swished around the kitchen and whisked up a plate of fruit, along with a glass of water. "take this. studies show that fruit helps with concentration, plus the sugar in it gives you a boost of energy. staying hydrated also improves your daily performance and concentration."

the plate was shifted to bennett's hands, as well as the glass of water. "thanks, dad! you always know what i need."

he walked back to his room to continue his lone study session, ready to take on the liyue adepti in his textbook. but his mind could only float back to one question.

how should i tell my dads? what if... what if they say no? his hands gripped the pen in his hand while his thoughts roared in the back of his mind, out of his control. bennett set down his pen. a broken pen never helped anybody. in an attempt to calm himself, he tried to sip his water, but he ended up spilling it. and not just on him, of course, but on his homework as well.

"gRARGG!" bennett let out a guttural grunt as he stood up, his shirt soaked in water. he looked down at his homework, all his neat writing smudged, the paper sloppy and wet. clenching his jaw, he picked up his now ruined homework and tossed it in the garbage. bennett peeled the wet shirt off his body and chucked it in his laundry basket, but missing by an inch. there was a closet in the hall that held all the cleaning supplies, so he slowly walked over, shivering as he went. when he got there, he ran into his papa.

"hey kid- woah! what happened to you? why are you shirtless and wet??" kaeya furrowed his brows in confusion, looking at his lean son.

"i accidentally spilled some water." bennett replied, calmly reaching for a towel to clean his desk.

"well you look like you just spent the night in a hurricane," kaeya chuckled. "go clean up and meet us for dinner after." he flicked benny's forehead before walking to his own bedroom.

bennett's patience was running thin by now. in and out he breathed, dripping on the wooden floors of his room. with an old rag in hand, he swiped his desk dry. after this, bennett grabbed a clean towel and headed to the shower to clean off. on his way, though, he bumped into his door frame, stubbing his toe in the process.

"FUCK!!" his yell was heard from the kitchen where albedo was.

"language!" albedo replied.

bennett groaned in compliant, slamming the bathroom door with annoyance. he heard kaeya say something, but he didn't catch what it was. in the mirror, he faced a pissed off teenage boy, bare-chested and damp. he pushed his hair back. his chest was scarred from stupid stunts he did as a child. he was a slim guy, but his chest was slightly defined from all the outdoor activities he did. his arms in particular were defined.

sick of looking at himself, bennett tore his vision away and undressed. he stepped in the shower, relishing in the feeling of hot water dripping over his body. he sighed.

why does nothing ever go right? he let his thoughts consume him again, let them fill the small room he was confined in. fuck this.

⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE NEXT TWO PARAGRAPHS. ⚠️⚠️

after washing himself, he reached for his spare razor blade. he promised himself he wouldn't do it anymore. but this was different. the blade felt cool in his palm, a stark contrast to the water running down his back. he reached the tip and pressed it until red trickled from his thumb. the feeling filled him with a familiar rush that made him suck in his breath. bennett held the blade carefully and began to carve into his smooth skin. once, twice, thrice. every incision came with pain, but also with a shot of adrenaline. he cut until his arm was washed in blood. he only stopped because he started to feel faint, both due to the hot steam and sudden loss of blood. bennett turned off the shower after washing his blood down the drain.

he wrapped his body in his fluffy towel. never in his life had he told anyone, not even fischl, not even his dads. his dirty secret. his obsession and addiction. the stain on his happy-go-lucky façade. no, bennett couldn't let anyone know about this. it was shameful after all. he had no reason to, no excuse. he started about two years ago, his last relapse only a couple months back. ever since that first cut, bennett had grown attached and dependent to the feeling. he was still bleeding, now onto his grey towel.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING OVER. CONTINUE READING HERE.⚠️

bennett knew he had a problem, and he also knew that he was the one who caused it. but what could he do?

he walked out to his room to change. he slipped on sweats and flopped on his bed, face down. he didn't bother going to dinner that evening. instead, he laid his head on his pillow and cried.

oops angst :p anyways today is my birthday! yayy!! have some cake 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰!! thank you so much for reading my story, i appreciate each and every one of you so much!! please vote and comment and share! see you guys soon!!
-bazooka