LOVERBOY [bennett x razor]

chapter 16: get it together.

art credit: @owllunarmoss on twitter :)

TW: this chapter mentions self harm, self harm scars and a bit of blood. this is the only warning.

bennett struggled to sleep last night. every time he shifted, he rubbed his arm and would consequently make his pain receptors go crazy because of the fresh cuts on his arm. so it was safe to say that today was not going to be a good day.

i mean, i know i did this to myself but does it still have to sting so badly? he thought begrudgingly. well, i guess that's the point but still.

his thoughts were starting to annoy him already, and it was only 7:34 in the morning. off to a great start!

he forced himself to roll out of bed and get ready for school. obviously, his arms had to stay hidden, so he went with a basic navy hoodie and black pants. slipping his shoes on, he walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. bennett brushed his hair with his fingers but stopped when he realized it wasn't gonna cooperate. he also realized he really could not give two fucks. but he had to right? he was bennett, after all, the clumsy, goofy, and unfortunately unlucky boy that was always smiling. looking at the mirror, he didn't see that boy, but instead a hollow, empty shell looking back at him. it reached its fingers up, following bennett's own. they met in the middle.

would anyone even recognize this part of you? would they even want to befriend you if they knew the truth? it was like his reflection asked him these questions, although he knew it was just him. benny's eyes met in the mirror, and one thought, forceful and clear, rang through his head.

get it together.

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as expected, the day was a treacherous and rough journey, but he managed to make it to lunch without raising suspicion. bennett walked up to fischl after the bell rang, not expecting to find her talking with razor.

oh fUck- what is she doing whAT IS SHE TELLING HIM?? he hastily sped up to them, almost tripping over his laces.

"...yours. no problem at all." fischl finished up her sentence.

"thank you."

"hEy guys, what are we—what are we talking about?" benny very smoothly integrated himself into the conversation.

"oh, bennett! speak of the devil, we were just discussing how—"

razor interrupted whatever fischl was about to say. "benny!"

he grabbed onto bennett's arm and led him away in a hurry, while fischl behind them winked and fluttered her fingers goodbye. they weaved in and out of group of students, razor still in hold of bennett's arm.

"hey, wait—! razor you're—" bennett tried to call to razor but even in close proximity he couldn't hear him. plus, razor was too focused to notice anything. even the warm, red liquid that was seeping out onto his hand from bennett's sleeve. between the friction and the grip on his arm, benny's still swollen cuts opened up again and began to bleed. every push and pull felt like agony to bennett, but he couldn't tell razor. how could he?

after what felt like ages, razor stopped and sat down at their usual lunch spot, pulling bennett down with him.

"razor, i-"

razor finally noticed his hand, with traces of blood on it, still warm. his eyes widened for a split second before his expression hardened.

"bennett. what is this?"

bennett turned to look the other way, while razor began to trace the source of the blood on his hand. his eyes made their way to bennett's arm, his sweater sleeve sticking to his arm with red splotches. razor reached his hands out to him. he barely made contact when bennett pulled back, finally looking at razor.

he looked scared, on the verge of tears, like he was a jar of glass about to overflow.

"bennett..." razor tried again, and this time his friend gave in. he pulled on his sleeve and pushed it up to his elbows revealing bennett's red forearm. razor couldn't help the gasp that left him.

his reaction made bennett pull away, but razor held on tight to his hand. he wasn't letting him go.

"does it hurt?"

bennett nodded.

"you want... to talk?"

bennett shook his head no.

"...why?"

a quick silence took over the conversation. then bennett spoke up, in a small voice, barely a whisper. "i'm scared- i'm scared that if i talk, i'll end up crying."

"okay," razor said, "no talking. but let me clean your wounds."

already knowing that benny carried around a first aid kit in his backpack, razor rummaged around until he found it, and started to clean the blood from bennett's arm. he carefully went around his cuts, avoiding each one as best as he could.

"deja-vu." benny sniffled. "i'm getting deja-vu. like when we first met."

razor just smiled, remembering how he cleaned his wound that time as well. this time, there were too many to put a plaster on, so instead he rubbed antibiotic ointment on the cuts.

"ow-" bennett sucked on his teeth, making a sort of hissing sound. (a/n: im sorry idk how else to describe it but hopefully you know what i mean.)

"sorry. razor tries to be gentle."

"no, it's okay, it'll hurt either way. i just need to suck it up."

once razor finished, he put away all the supplies back into benny's backpack. he looked at bennett. although his cuts weren't bleeding anymore and had decreased risk of infection, his hoodie was still a bit blood covered, at least at the sleeve. razor was sure people would notice, and he was sure that bennett did not want that.

"benny, take off hoodie."

"wHAT?!" if bennett was drinking water, he totally would have spit it out.

"benny's hood has blood on sleeve. take off." razor didn't seem to understand his confusion.

"oh- aha, right, right. that's what you meant, of course." he nervously removed his hoodie, revealing the plain t-shirt underneath. "okay, what now? my cuts are visible."

"i know." razor took off his own sweater, something he had never done before. "you should wash hoodie. with cold water and soap, by hand. but for now, use this instead." he handed over his clothing, unbothered.

"i- thank you. i'll wash this when i get home. but won't you get cold?" now that he thought about it, bennett had never really seen razor's arms before, which was sort of odd. he put the thought aside.

"razor rather get cold than bennett be uncomfortable." just as he said that, the bell rang signalling the end of lunch. razor picked up his stuff and got up. "let's go."

"wait- razor!"

razor turned his head back with a soft hum. his hoodie was a tad large on bennett. it looked really cute on him.

"thank you." bennett wrapped his arms around his crush, enjoying his warmth before letting go and rushing to his class.

razor felt his pulse quicken.

idk about this one guys. anyways, happy pride month, you homosexuals <3
-brisk iced tea