The Mimic (HE/HIM VERSION)

37

"You took a chunk out of that wall when you hit it, y/n! You could sign those bricks!" Sam exclaimed with a laugh as they continued to rewind the clip. Y/n rolled his eyes with a fond smile. He wasn't embarrassed of the clip of him hitting the wall, but it wasn't something he wanted to relive over and over. It just reminded him of how disoriented and exhausted he was, he was just surprised he ran in a straight line. But, the team were having fun picking it apart, so he didn't mind.

Y/n soon glanced behind himself to notice Bruce stood in the doorway. He raised his eyebrows at him expectantly with a slight head tilt, gesturing that they should walk back to the lab. Y/n's smile seemed to falter slightly at the sight of Bruce. He knew he had to talk to him. But he didn't want to. He didn't want to bring the emotions from last night back up. Y/n sighed, making his way toward Bruce so he didn't have to talk to him from across the room. "Do we have to?" He asked with a frown, leaning against the wall and watching the team have fun. Bruce nodded with a slight hum, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's either that or I just get Wanda to read your mind. I'm here to help you, y/n. I can't do that if you don't tell me anything." Bruce said seriously. Wanda would never accept to reading y/n's mind, but y/n didn't know that. Y/n seemed to tense up at the idea of Wanda reading his mind, standing up a little straighter. He didn't want Wanda to do that, there was too much going on in his head, he didn't want Wanda to be affected by that. Y/n gulped slightly at the idea of that, his eyes seeming to fill with a sort of nervousness. "Fine..." He murmured, glancing back at the team once more. Y/n ended up making eye contact with Bucky, who seemed to be watching him with a concerned frown. He could see how nervous and uncomfortable he was. Bucky nodded at him as if he was asking if he was okay, but all he earned in response was a head tilt to gesture for him to follow. So he did, standing up from the couch as he made his way toward Bruce and y/n. The trio begun to walk down the hall to the lab, Bucky's hand on y/n's back in attempt to calm him a little. "You alright?" He asked curiously. Y/n nodded with a sigh, but he didn't look okay. He didn't want to talk about it. He was having a good day. "Yeah, I just need you there."

Soon enough, y/n and Bucky were sat on the edge of the medical bed whilst Bruce leant against one of the counters opposite them. Y/n was fiddling with Bucky's metal hand to distract himself as he told Bruce about his most recent nightmare. Having to pause and compose himself a few times, but he got through it. Bruce took some notes whilst y/n talked so he could remember it in the future, especially the fact that furniture in the room was floating during the nightmare. If that got worse they'd definitely have to step in, he didn't want him destroying the compound accidentally. Y/n soon finished talking, his vision blurry from tears as he continued to fiddle with Bucky's hand, refusing to look up.

"Well, at least it shows that your memories are coming back. That's a good thing, and it must be nice to slowly start to understand yourself." Bruce hummed with a sympathetic smile. "You're not there anymore, you're safe here. It shows how far you've come." Bruce said seriously. Y/n shrugged with a sniffle, reaching up to wipe his cheeks with the back of his hand. "But the thing is, I wasn't being brainwashed then." Y/n started, looking up at Bruce with a frustrated smile, frustrated at himself. "And I was still a murderer. I mind controlled guards and shot people in the head. That wasn't me being under their control. That was me, Bruce. Me." Y/n said with a hint of bitterness in his voice, shrugging Bucky's arm away when he tried to pull him closer. Y/n stood up from the medical bed, just needing to pace as he talked. "How am I supposed to be this 'new avenger' with all this blood on my hands?" He vented, laughing bitterly. Bruce glanced up, noticing as things in the lab begun to levitate. "Y/n-" He started, but was quickly cut off by y/n's venting again. Bucky met Bruce's eyes with a nervous look. "People now expect me to be a hero, but even without brainwashing I killed people! Not knocked out, killed. And I smiled about it! I smiled!" Y/n vented, beginning to raise his voice. He continued to pace back and forth, running his hands through his hair out of stress. "I didn't even hesitate! I just made them pull the trigger with no second thought. What if they had families, hm?" Y/n begun to break down, hitting his head with his palms. He was so angry at himself. He was a monster. "Parents waiting at the dinner table. Partners waiting at the end of the phone for a phone call. Children asking where mommy or daddy is. Pets waiting for-" Y/n was suddenly cut off as he crashed into Bucky's chest.

Bucky enveloped her in a tight hug, moving his hands away from his head. Y/n broke down into Bucky's chest, crying hard out of anger and frustration. Bucky didn't say a word as he held y/n close, simply closing his eyes with a sad look on his face. He hated seeing him beat himself up like this, but he understood exactly where he was coming from. The overwhelming guilt of all the lives he'd taken was crushing. Bucky rested his chin on top of y/n's head, rubbing his back slowly. The angry cries soon turned into sadness as the furniture in the room fell back to the ground. Bucky kissed the top of y/n's head as he continued to rub his back, knowing he just needed him to be there. "You're not a monster. You and I both know that. You were raised by them, taught how to kill and fight from a young age. That was all you knew." Bucky murmured quietly. Y/n nodded slowly as he kept his head buried in Bucky's chest. He felt safe there, in his arms. He wasn't a monster when he was with Bucky. He was just a normal person.

Bruce watched in shock, quickly taking notes of it all. Maybe it wasn't the right time for y/n to announce himself as one of the Avengers. He had enough going on mentally to deal with the pressures of the public watching his every move...