The Mimic (HE/HIM VERSION)

85

Y/n tensed up at the sound of Bucky's voice. It was a bitter mixture of relief and guilt. He was happy that Bucky was well enough to be awake, but y/n was also that put him into a state like this. His voice was hoarse and raspy from all the coughing and wheezing last night, yet he could still hear the gentleness in his tone. Y/n couldn't even look him in the eyes, taking shaky breaths as he stared down at the ground. He was trying his hardest to fight back tears, the image of him bleeding out replaying in his mind over and over again. He didn't understand why Bucky was still holding his hand, he was expecting him to push him away like everyone else was. "I'm sorry." Y/n whispered brokenly, blinking hard in attempt to get rid of the tears. He begun to try and pull his hand away from Bucky's as he spoke, almost as if he was trying to soften the blow of Bucky letting him go.

But, Bucky didn't let y/n let go of his hand. It wasn't a tight hold, he could still slip his hand away easily, but it was enough to show y/n that he didn't want to let go. He frowned at the sight of him. God, he looked destroyed. All he wanted was to pull him close and never let go, but he couldn't. "For what? You and I both know that wasn't you. It wasn't your fault, y/n." He murmured, trying to get y/n to look him in the eyes. Bucky continued to rub his thumb over his knuckles, his eyes trained on the broken look on y/n's face. He hated seeing him like this. So tired, so broken, so stressed. It was a side that not many people saw, people usually only saw the bubbly side of y/n, but Bucky understood that look on his face far too well.

Y/n shook his head over and over as frustration and guilt begun to bubble over. He felt so stupid for falling for Zemo's tricks. It was like taking candy from a baby, it was easy. All Zemo had to do was give him that bear and he was like putty in his hands. "It was my fault, it was! My hands were the ones on that knife. Mine." Y/n argued, beginning to raise his voice slightly. He was angry with himself for causing all of this, for almost killing the one person that meant the most to him. "I watched as that knife sunk into your chest. I punched you over, and over, and over-" Y/n cut himself off as he realised that tears were falling down his cheeks. He was drowning in guilt, there didn't seem to be a possible way that Bucky could forgive him in his mind. Y/n turned his head away from Bucky as he begun to cry, he wasn't supposed to be crying, he was the villain here.

Bucky's face softened into sadness and sympathy as he watched y/n break down. "Hey, hey..." He whispered, squeezing y/n's hand in attempt to get his attention again. "Come here, Doll. Come closer." Bucky cooed, gently tugging on his arm. His own mind was destroying him, something that the rest of the team could never understand. Being brainwashed has always been a brutal thing. It's as if you're sat in the backseat of your own mind. No control. The only thing you can do is watch as you mindlessly ruin people's lives. Bucky had promised y/n that they'd never go back to that. Yet here they were.

Once y/n shuffled the chair closer to Bucky, he reached out to cup his face with one of his hands. "Look at me, y/n." He whispered, a small smile appearing on his face as y/n finally made eye contact with him. His eyes were watery and tired, it was obvious he didn't sleep well. "Does it look like I'm upset with you? Because I'm not. Not one bit." He hummed, gently wiping his tears away with his thumb. "You can't blame yourself for what happened. We've both been there far too many times. But guess what? I'm okay. Bruce told me that everyone's okay." Bucky murmured, moving his hand away from y/n's face so he could take both of his hands in his. "There's no blood on these hands. Maybe a few bruises and cuts, oh, and some toothpaste, but I can't see any blood." He smiled, wiping the toothpaste off of the back of y/n's hand.

Y/n rolled his eyes with a slight smile as Bucky mentioned the toothpaste. He hadn't even realised. He was relieved beyond belief that Bucky wasn't upset with him. After seeing Wanda's face last night, he really believed that he'd ruined relationships with everyone. It was nice to just be around Bucky, to see that dopey smile on his face, and to feel the warmth of his hands in his. He sniffled slightly as he let Bucky explore his hands and all the different cuts and bruises that covered them. His hands were destroyed from last night, but the most prominent one was a purple bruise that spanned across both hands, in a perfect straight line. It was where Steve's shield had hit him. If it wasn't for the numbness and the fact that y/n had been in shock, y/n would've been in a lot of pain. But now y/n just seemed to ignore it, other people were in more pain than him. Y/n watched as Bucky traced the bruised line, wincing as he accidentally pressed a little too hard. "Cap's shield." He murmured.

"You need to ice that." Bucky hummed, apologising for pressing too hard. He didn't like seeing y/n hurt, he didn't deserve it. "I still feel bad for cutting your cheek. It looks sore." He frowned, moving to cup y/n's cheek again. Natasha had stitched the wound up pretty well, leaving a pretty clean line across the side of his face. He traced the line slowly before tracing the bruise across his cheekbone and the cut on his lip, basically just taking the time to explore his face. Seeing him so beaten up made him feel slightly annoyed, nobody should've hit him that hard (even though it was probably the only way to stop y/n from hurting them even further). "Do you want me to get Bruce in? He can probably take a look and see if you need anything." He offered genuinely.

Y/n couldn't help but laugh slightly as he moved his face away from Bucky's reach, gently pushing his hands down. He was so protective over him, it was funny. Even on missions he did this. Y/n could handle himself, he was an adult. But it was nice to be fussed over by him, it felt normal, and it was just nice to feel loved. "No, no. I'm fine, Buck." He smiled, pressing gentle kisses to his knuckles. "Why're you fussing over me? I'm not the one in the hospital bed. I should be the one fussing over you." Y/n hummed with raised eyebrows. Bucky shook his head with a slight laugh, leaning back as he covered his eyes with his metal arm. "Oh god, please don't." He chuckled. Bucky could have a hole through his head and he'd still swat y/n away from fussing him. "Well don't fuss over me then! I'm not a baby." Y/n laughed, poking his side when Bucky lifted his arm up.

Nat was right. They were fine. They were perfectly fine.