Call Him Slim Shady | Eminem

10

"Did you know that vanilla extract has a 35% alcohol level, and when drunk in one shot can completely intoxicate you? It can even lead to alcohol poisoning" Tomie randomly blurts out while sipping on a chocolate martini.

"Seriously?" Is all I can answer with, turning to look at her. I'm high, really fucking high plus I took some acid, so things are starting to look the way they shouldn't.

"Yep, you'd get a regular buzz if had at a normal pace, but downing it in one go is super dangerous" she explains further, grabbing a chip from the bowl at the booth. Usually there aren't snacks at the after parties, which I find stupid, but tonight we got luckily with ruffles.

"Yo, how about... on our way home, we get some and try it?" I ask with a giggle, forgetting I'm talking to a doctor cause I'm an idiot.

"Did I not just warn you about alcohol poisoning?" She asks in a parental tone, turning me on. Her strong mannerisms, gorgeous body, and intelligence all mesh together in this terrifying blend of: Marshall is falling in love, oh fuck, this is bad, this is bad.

"I- I know but what if we just mixed it with stuff and drank it like a regular drink, we should be fine right?"

"Yes I guess, but that seems kind of pointless, we have all the alcohol we need right here" she gestures around the place.

"Let's bake a cake, with a whole fucking bottle of vanilla extract and get more smashed then we are right now" I propose, mentally patting myself on the back for coming up with it.

"Are we dating?" She randomly blurts out, catching me off guard. Are we? I guess? We don't really go on dates, but I guess going to clubs and drinking with each other can kind of count.

"Uh... I guess?" Is all I mutter, still confused why she changed subject.

"Cool cause I'm starting to realize I'm dating a stupid person" she sighs with a giggle.

"Did you ask if we were dating just so you could say that sentence? Also! I'll have you know that I'm incredibly drunk, very very high and also on acid... so, don't call me stupid, I'm very intoxicated" I rant, speaking in a fake offended tone, not taking myself seriously. "But dead ass though, what do you think about the cake idea?" I bring us back to the original topic.

"Do we have an oven in the hotel room?"

"Dude it's a pent house suit, we got a whole fucking kitchen" I groan, grabbing a handful of chips to munch on.

"Alright why not" she shrugs.

My brain goes to her garters, I'm impatient to watch her bake, her hips swaying. I wanna tear her clothes off of her and eat the cake off her stomach... Ah, that's the viagra talking, but to be honest, it does pose a good point. That would be really sexy.

***

"What type do we get?" I mumble, looking at the few options in the baking isle.

"Vanilla bourbon, what flavor should the cake be?" She asks, staring at all the mixes.

"Oh oh! We should do mug cakes instead, we can just use the microwave and with that amount of vanilla extract, we'll get buzzed for sure" I suggest, "plus it's less mess, also how would we eat an entire cake in one night, we need to leave in the morning"

"Very smart points, ok, which types? Oh, red velvet"

"You're favourite cake is red velvet?" I ask to hopefully use for later.

"I don't really have a favourite cake flavor, I like them all, but yeah red velvet is nice... want to know a fun fact?"

"When will you ever fucking run out of those?" I groan

"Never, red velvet cake is just a chocolate sponge cake with a dialled down level of cocoa".

"Huh..." I mutter, kinda surprised.

"Alright, I'll get red velvet, the boxes come with two packs for two mugs, unless you want a different flavor" she suggests, waiting for my opinion.

"Naw, red velvet works" I agree, holding the vanilla extract while she holds to mug cake mix. We head to the front of the register and pay.

Luckily no one noticed me, I always dress like I'm on the run from the cops when in public, I don't know how some people don't ask, "why you all covered like that?" Some times. But to be fair, if you're scared someone would be doing something suspicious, why would you get yourself tangled in their business?

We get back to the hotel room and Tomie takes off her heels before busting open the cardboard box. She's quick to take out the mixes and pull out two mugs.

"This is gonna be nasty" she laughs, tearing open one of the packets. "Alright, hand me the extract" she holds out her hand and I place the bottle into her palm. She's swift to pull of the package and unscrew the cap. "Oh god here we go" she groans before pouring half the bottle into mug along with the mix. "Ok I just need to add a little bit of water and there we go" she mumbles to herself before popping it into the microwave for the required time, then moving onto the next mug. That viagra was right, seeing her swiftly move around the kitchen, working her magic, it does turn me on slightly.

"The things we get up to" I marvel,  watching the mug spin.

"Weird shit for sure" she confirms, mixing up the second mug.

"I call dibs on the first mug" I blurt out, grabbing at the handle of the microwave. I swing it open and grab the hot mug.

"Of course" she sighs, putting the second one in.

I grab a spoon and dig out some cake, it's super moist, scary moist, but given how much vanilla extract is in here, it makes sense. I blow on the cake before putting it in my mouth.

"Yeah I taste alcohol" I wince, not enjoying how incredibly strong it is. Don't get me wrong, I like alcohol, but something about the way concentrated vanilla tastes... it's not enjoyable.

"To be expected" she murmurs, watching the time go down on the mini timer.

"I don't know how I feel about it" I mumble, but I'm too intoxicated to care, I just keep eating, regardless on whether I like it or not... I'm eating.

"Then just keep eating it I guess?" She giggles, watching me chew with a perplexed look on my face.

She pulls out the second mug and takes a spoon of her own. "I used to eat these with friends all the time" she remarks, bringing a scoop to her mouth. She eats it, her face mixing with many different emotions. "Eh, tastes like someone was purposefully trying to get drunk of cake" she mutters.

"Isn't that what our plan was?" I question with a cheesy grin.

"Well I guess yes" she smiles.

We finish them as if we enjoyed them, put them in the sink then plopped down onto the couch, finally letting the exhaustion be recognized.

"Man I'm so tired" she sighs and all I do is groan in agreement. We ain't fucking tonight, and honestly, I'm content not to, it was an enjoyable night.