REM // Van McCann

33. I'm Not Sure I Trust You

When I woke up, Roman had already removed his mask, apologizing relentlessly. Bondy had his hand on his shoulder telling him not to worry and asked if he wanted tea to which he said yes. The fact that Roman was apologizing was a good sign; it's a sign that he's reacting well to going under.

"You're awake," Roman observed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake up—"

"It's fine. Don't worry about it," I said, removing my mask and taking off my probes. Roman did the same and I stood up. He was about to stand but I stopped him. "Don't stand up just yet. I need to make sure you're fine."

I walked over to the computer and pulled up Roman's data. His heart rate was high but I could see it slowly going down. His pattern was similar to that of Florence's but Florence was more quiet when she woke up, granted she had a more drastic way of waking up. Everyone's different. I saved the experiment and closed out of the program. I'll analyze the data later. I meant to clean up after Roman leaves but Larry stood up to help me clean up.

"Thank you," I said to Larry and I made my way back to Roman. "How are you feeling? Do you have any difficulty breathing?" My eyes watched him carefully looking for any signs he wasn't okay. He seemed to be doing fine at quick glance but I needed confirmation from him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered, though he was visibly distraught. "You told me not to think about him and I didn't listen...."

"Don't beat yourself up. It's harder than you think," I reassured him. "We're learning which is good. You woke up from thinking about him which is one of the methods to wake up, remember? There will be plenty of opportunities to practice waking up, don't worry. And you're adept at recognizing you're in a dream."

Bondy came back, handing him a mug and Roman thanked him, blowing on the tea and testing the temperature before drinking it. I tried to understand why Roman was so distraught when he did well. My guess was that he's a go-getter. It has gotten him far in life and he takes failure personally. He must be a sensitive person on the inside.

Look at me trying to read people's personalities when I'm exactly the same as him. His breathing slowed and he wasn't shaking as much. And most importantly, he stopped apologizing. He was thinking about what I said, no doubt going over the dream. Despite this failure, he's going to learn from his mistakes and come back even stronger. He's resilient and failure motivates him.

That's when I realized another aspect of this study I didn't anticipate. I was going to learn a lot about Roman and Florence. This is different from being their friend. As friends, they can control what I see but in dreams, there is no control. I get to see their insecurities and how they truly feel about someone or something.

I don't know who Charles is but he doesn't give off good vibes. Roman is wary of him and I'd be the same based on what I saw. The thing is that Charles looks harmless but it seems like he's questioning Roman's authority. Charles is a threat to Roman. The ideas were flowing and I wanted nothing more than to usher Roman out so I could write my thoughts down but I need to make sure he's okay before letting him go. Bondy hung around as we both waited for Roman to finish his tea. He was visibly starting to relax. His shoulders were no longer stiff.

"Can I talk to you real quick?" I asked Bondy. Bondy nodded his head and we stepped off to the side. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure thing," he replied.

"Can you watch him and make sure he's all set before leaving? I'm afraid I'm gonna forget the dream."

Bondy nodded his head, understanding what I was getting at. Even though my chances of forgetting this dream so quickly was low, I was more afraid of forgetting my analysis of the dream. The nature of his dream was intriguing. It's very different from everyone else's dreams and I'm sure Bondy would enjoy reading about his dreams. I walked over to my desk and logged in, opening a blank template and began typing. I could hear Bondy talking to Roman, no doubt telling him the switch in plans.