REM // Van McCann

72. I'd Love That

Florence's hand went to the back of my neck and she pulled me in closer. Fueled by built-up tension, neither of us wanted to break apart until Florence had enough and pulled away. I quickly followed her, closing the gap once again. Her hand dug into my hair, getting caught in the tangles but I didn't mind. And then I could feel her falling slightly, her legs giving way.

"Easy there," I said against her lips and she laughed.

Her laugh was like music to my ears and I knew I had to stop or else she wouldn't be able to stand anymore. I pulled away so we could both catch our breath. Florence's chest was heaving and her cheeks were flushed. Her lipstick was smeared. I probably ate some of it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. She was absolutely bewildered at what just happened, not knowing what to do or say.

I'm not sure what compelled me to kiss her but I don't regret it either. It was clear there was tension between us and no one wanted to make the first move so I took it upon myself. Plus I'd rather kiss her than the toad. But kissing her confirmed what I already knew. That I had some feelings for her. As frustrating as she is at times, I can't help but be attracted to her.

She was staring at me, the makeup accentuating the intensity of her eyes so I had to look away. The pub was completely empty and I couldn't remember when they disappeared. We were so caught up in the kiss that even Florence forgot about her own dream which I found slightly amusing.

"That was some kiss, huh?" I teased. "You were so focused on it that everyone in the pub disappeared. You abandoned your own dream." Florence looked around and laughed, blushing slightly.

"What caused you to kiss me?" she asked, looking at me nervously. "I thought you didn't know how you felt so I'm very confused now."

"No matter how much I try to fight it, I can't."

"Why are you trying to fight it?"

I paused, not knowing the answer to that question. Why was I trying to fight it?

"I dunno..." I answered honestly. "It's possible that I'm still holding onto my first impression of you or maybe I just never moved on from Clara." Florence's gaze softened.

"What was your first impression of me?" she questioned.

"Probably the same first impression you had of me."

Florence smiled at the memory of when we first met. I had just answered Roman's questions and she came to me asking if what I was doing was real. To be fair, I probably wouldn't have believed it either but I would've been nicer about it.

"I was being a jerk, wasn't I?" she said. "As for Clara, I don't know if you can ever get over someone. She'll always be a part of you and a part of your memory. It seems like you really loved her though."

I looked at the ground and nodded my head. It'd be much easier to get over her if she was a jerk like Florence's ex but she's not. That's why I was hoping to go to Portugal to walk in her shoes and get some closure. I won't be at peace with myself until I get some answers and try to understand what Clara was going through.

"So shall we go back then?" Florence asked. "Are you gonna tell them what happened?" She was horrified at the thought of me telling them what happened but I wasn't sure why when I should be the one who's horrified. I'm the one who kissed her and enjoyed it.

We were in a weird spot. We were definitely interested in one another but didn't know how to proceed based on our history. But I figured that was a conversation we could have at home. The thought of it just being the two of us made me nervous. How will we act around each other at home? It's not like I've asked her to be my girlfriend. I'd rather we get to know each other first and see if we're compatible. How do I know if I'm after one thing or if I want to spend the rest of my life with her?