REM // Van McCann

87. Thinking Too Much

Florence put her coat over me and gave me a hug from behind. She then placed a sleeve of biscuits in my hand and opened the wrapper. She waited until she couldn't wait anymore and got worried because I've not eaten nor moved for hours. She crouched in front of me and placed her hand on my arm.

"Let's go back to the hotel," she said softly and I nodded my head.

The whole walk back to the car, she held onto me to provide support. Despite not having eaten, I felt fine but I ate some biscuits anyway or else she'd nag me. The car was cold so I gave Florence her coat back and started the engine, turning up the heat. And then I drove back to the hotel. Florence told me to head up while she grabbed food from across the street. I watched her figure cross the street and once she went inside, I turned around to head up.

Once I got in, I took my dream journal and letters out, throwing them onto the bed and then I took my coat off. I went to the bathroom to use the toilet and to freshen up and it wasn't until I sat down that I realized how hungry I was. I ate a few biscuits to hold me over until Florence came back. She came back with a carrier bag and the smell of food filled the tiny room.

"Thought we could share a dish. I'm not that hungry after finishing that sleeve," she said, taking the takeaway box out and opening it. She handed me a spoon, urging me to eat.

"I'm really sorry," I apologized, feeling guilty. "It wasn't nice of me to bring you along for my own selfish reasons." All I could think about was how cold, hungry, and miserable she was waiting for me to finish up. She didn't complain at all nor did she try to hurry things up. Florence wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

"I honestly don't mind so quit apologizing for things you don't need to be sorry for." She scooped some rice onto her spoon and ate and I did the same.

Later on, I crawled into bed feeling exhausted and emotionally drained. My mind was trying to make sense of it all. Halfway through the night, I turned to my side and pulled the covers over me, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Can't sleep, can you?" Florence asked and I jumped, not expecting her to be awake.

"You're not asleep yet?" I asked back.

"No, I can't sleep. Do you...um...would it help if we slept together?" Florence offered. I didn't need to turn on the light to know she was blushing and I'm glad she asked because I was too scared to.

"I don't mind at all," I answered honestly. Florence got up and I moved aside so she'd have room.

"Did you get the answers you were looking for?" she asked softly. At first, I didn't know what she meant but then I understood.

"Yes. Yes, I did."

.

.

The next day.

We made our way back to the cliff albeit faster this time and with purpose. There was a lot I wanted to do and our time here was running out. We'll have to catch the train back to Porto soon and that trip alone will eat up a good portion of our day. Florence walked ahead with a bouquet of flowers in her hands while I followed behind her. Feeling much better than I did yesterday, I wanted to bring her flowers.

There was no memorial for her which is what she would've wanted. She wouldn't want to be remembered but become a part of nature. Everyone who lives in this town knows about her story but tourists passing through wouldn't.

Coming here the next day was strange to say the least. It was as if I came back a changed person but I don't feel any different. I've had time to think about her letter and I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't anything bad. She wasn't cursing me but thanking me. And her love can transcend time, distance, and the delicate balance between life and death. She has enough love for the whole world yet doesn't give herself enough credit.