REM // Van McCann

49. Is Something on Your Mind?

Subject: DecodeREM Program Acceptance

Dear Van McCann,

It's been a pleasure getting to know you these past few weeks. We're very much impressed with your background and would like to offer you a spot in our DecodeREM Program. Please accept or decline within 14 days of receipt. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you,
Jessica Stewart
DecodeREM Program Coordinator

I stared at my screen, dumbfounded, reading my email over and over again. Why is it that I'm quick to think they've made a mistake than to believe I got in from grafting? I've spent weeks focusing on my interview and as a result, I fell behind in my classes. It's all worth it and I wouldn't change a thing because now I have a plan after I graduate.

The first person I wanted to tell was Clara but I've been keeping this from her. I felt guilty for not being entirely truthful to her. To be honest, I didn't think I'd get in. There were many things not working in my favor. This program favors US residents over foreigners because of the logistics, there are a limited number of seats in this program, and it all depends on if they issue me an H1B visa. Things can literally go wrong anywhere. I had to be cautious. Even though I got in, it's up to the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to issue me a visa.

I thought about telling Clara what I was doing but decided not to unless I knew it was happening for sure. Now that the biggest hurdle was out of the way, should I tell her now? There's no doubt she'll be upset at me for not telling her in the first place. Maybe it's best not to tell her, though I'll have to tell her eventually. In the meantime, I phoned me mum and dad to tell them the good news. I've told them about it since the beginning and they were supportive of me saying it'd be a good opportunity. People who've attended this program have been hired in big name companies so it's definitely a way in.

-

Clara was all smiles when she spotted my car in the car park. She opened the door and got in, leaning over the console to give me a kiss on the lips. Even though she has her license and can drive, her family only has one car and since she has a way to get to work, she leaves the car for her family.

She takes the bus in the morning because I can't be arsed to wake up that early to drop her off but I do take her home if I don't have anything going on. We don't have much time together except weekends so we take advantage of every moment we get, even if it's only a twenty minute car ride to hers. She'd try to convince me to join her family for dinner and I put it off for as long as I could.

Clara went on about her day. There was a momentary power outage that caused absolute chaos in the office and she was telling me how her manager was freaking out. Based on what she told me, she has a good relationship with her manager but I've come to know that she likes seeing management being put to work.

"You're unusually quiet today," Clara noted. I could see her facing me in the corner of my eye but I kept my eyes on the road.

"Me? Quiet? That's a word no one would use to describe me," I joked and Clara rolled her eyes.

"I meant quieter than usual. Is something on your mind?"

How does she know these things? I've been debating the whole day whether or not I should tell her the good news. I was worried what she'd think. What if she's not happy for me? What happens then? The moment didn't feel right so I made an excuse.

"It's nowt." My hope was that she'd leave it but her being sensitive, she knew I was hiding something and wouldn't give up until I told her.

"You can tell me what's on your mind, Van." Her voice was soft, trying to persuade me to open up. She was trying to make it feel safe to talk. But something told me it wasn't the right time. My mind tried to come up with a a believable excuse and the only one I could think of wasn't the best option but I went with it anyway.