Loosing myself again - Y/n and dsmp

Chapter 6 - I tried

Tw⚠️
Sh
Ed
Anxiety
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Y/Ns POV

Luckily no one makes me eat breakfast though I get a look from Wilbur, "maybe we should do a stream today and have a rest day tomorrow then go to Disneyland?" Dream suggests everyone agrees.

Ranboo walks in "we're setting up stream, do you want to join?, Tommy, Tubbo, Wilbur and Me are playing some board games while doing a bit of a q n a". I nod and follow him into the living room where I'm greeted by them all. 10 minutes later we set up stream from Tommy's account.

Ranboossock: YO THEY'RE LIVE
LuvforNihachu: Y/N'S HERE TO
Bananas4life: ew why's she here
Sniffbur: TOMMY ITS A WOMAN

"Alright settle down chat, we're gonna be doing a bit of q n a while playing monopoly" he shouts "Y/N, Ranboo and Tubbo are here too" Wilbur says pointing around at us.

Clingyduo10: AYO?
Skeppyswife7: Why's y/n wearing a jumper in Florida it's like 30 degrees?
Annoyingtoast: YO Wilbur :D

Me and Wilbur frown at the second one, we set up monopoly

RanbooFan32: Is anyone else there?
Georgiaiscool: why's y/n wearing a hoodie?

Chat is going fast but somehow Tubbo catches a few "uh yes, Dream,George,sapnap,Karl, Quackity,Phil,Niki and Techno are all here" he says listing them off. "I actually have a bit of a cold" I say before Tubbo can answer for me. Only Wilbur knows the truth.
We continue to play monopoly for a bit.

WilburScoot7: Bahahah ranboo's winning L Tommy
TubbosBee: Good job Wilbur, get the child!!!
Haileysoot: Y/N looks fat lol
Enderboo: is y/n ok?
Gogyswife: GG everyone!!

I stare at the 3rd message, I know I shouldn't listen to it but I am fat it's true. We wave bye, I try look unfazed by the negative comments. Luckily it's almost dinner time.

Karl rubs my hand under the table as Wilbur serves everyone food, luckily he only gives me half a potato and a small bit of steak. I still can't eat it. "5 bites" Karl whispers into my ear after cutting it up for me. I nod knowing in the next 10 minutes it'll all be in a toilet. I feel nauseous as I get up to go to the bathroom, instead Karl drags me into the living room to watch a movie. I slowly accept it as the nausea goes away and the screen for the next hour and a half. Once it's over I quickly leave saying goodnight to Tommy, Wilbur and Techno the only ones still up.

I quickly rush into the bathroom with my remaining blade, towel and change of clothes to not be suspicious, I drown out any sound by showering. Im mad the ones from the airport didn't scar it makes me feel like a failure. Rinsing the stinging cuts I then dry off. I leave the shower running just in case. I fall onto the ground, do it, you deserve it. I press it into my left arm, or what's left of it, now my whole left arm is soaked in blood, I run over them, deeper, to deep, shit they might need stitches, I quickly move onto my right arm, one of the only remaining scarless places on my body, I press it deep it feels good
1 cut
Your fat
2 cuts
You can't keep food down
3 cuts
Your ugly
4 cuts
Your annoying
5 cuts
Your the reason your dad hates you

Soon the 5 cuts turn into 10, each thigh and arm. I quickly realise I definitely took it to far. Blood is quickly dripping out of my thighs and spewing down my arms. Shit. I pack everything up. Hitting the restart date button, Dizzy I stumble out of the room, luckily Nikis asleep. Some might need stitches. Wilbur? No he'll be mad, really mad, I could end up in a mental hospital. George, I made a promise, I couldn't keep. Niki? She'll be mad to, Tommy or Ranboo? No they don't know anything.. Karl? Perfect, I haven't made him a promise about this, no one knows the full story yet, I know he doesn't have the heart to send a 16 year old to a mental hospital. Packing my things into my bag quietly I rush out into the dark hallway and into his room. Slowly I close the door and stagger up next to the bed, I whisper his name 3 times shaking him, silent tears streaming down my eyes, he rolls over. I fucked up.

Karl's POV

I'm shaken my name, who's voice is that, y/n's? "y/n what are you doing up-" I'm cut off as she stares at me, her face is puffy tears streaming down her face, "Karl, help me.... Please" she say pulling my arm. "Y/N what is it?" I quickly add "I won't be mad" clearly dizzy she rolls up her sleeves, I could never have imagined what I saw, ever. Dried blood, fresh blood almost spewing out of her arms. It's getting on my bed, how did she- oh god she did this to herself, it's to deep for me to fix myself, Karl stop, she needs you, no crying. "Y/N oh my god..." "K-Karl please help-p me" she says through tears and panic, I check the time 2am, I hope no ones up. "Y/N hang in there" I quickly run to my wardrobe getting the nearest hoodie and throwing it on. "Your ok, I've got you" I say picking her up bridal style while grabbing my keys and shutting the door quietly "you'll be ok I promise" I say hopping in the drivers seat unsure of my words as she turned extremely pale and looks like she's about to pass out. "Your ok we're almost there" I say finding a spot to park in. Oh my god I can't tell them she did this to herself, they'll take her away. I quickly help her out of the car, slowly but quick enough I help her to the ER. Immediately doctors and nurses rush forward taking us into a room. "What happened?" Is the first question asked as the immediately try to control the bleeding. "I fell in the garden" she says, good save.

While she's being stitched up I squeeze her hand, shit what do I tell the others. "Can I do something quickly?" She nods, I quickly open Wilburs contact and type "Y/N had a nightmare, I took her on a walk we'll be back around 9" I turn back at her almost fully stitched up. "Mr jacobs, may I have a word?" I nod smile at her and step outside. "I really find it hard to believe that she fell in the garden, there's old scars everywhere on her arms" says the nurse "I'm sorry can you just fix her up please, she's fucking 16 ok?" I say clearly loosing it knowing it's all self inflicted "sorry sir, she needs to take these for a few weeks every morning to keep infection away" she says handing them to me as I step back inside tears in my eyes. Don't cry,don't cry.

I help y/n out of the hospital and into the car. It's almost 8:30. "I'm sorry" she says looking down "y/n I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner" I say pulling onto the road. "Also sorry about your hoodie" she says pointing at the blood patches all over the front "it's ok, I'll be able to get it out, I should change before I get back" I say smiling, luckily her hoodies black. We pull into the driveway, "please don't send me to a mental hospital" she says, pain in her eyes "I won't that's something we'll all need to convince Wilbur though" I say giving her a quick hug knowing Wilburs going to know the second we step through the door, the medication in my hand, the blood stained jumper hanging over my arm and y/ns bandaged arms. I take a deep breath pushing open the door. Immediately Wilbur runs up questioning us "didn't you get my text" "like y/n wouldn't have come to me" he says dragging her by the arm upstairs, I give her a sympathetic look mouthing "I'll make sure he doesnt" luckily everyone else doesn't bother me to much, I just tell them I can't tell them and she's ok.