Loosing myself again - Y/n and dsmp

Chapter 17 - cold

(A/N Kind of a Vent so sorry If there's mistakes)

Y/Ns POV

Wilbur finally leaves after Tommy's apology, I run into my bathroom and throw up what I did eat, theres streaks of red in my vomit but I think nothing of it and rinse the gross taste out of my mouth.

1 cut your fat 

2 cuts you ate

3 cuts even Tommy's fed up with you

4..5...

soon I have 17 littered along my hips and thighs, I get up and wash my bright red razor off and call it a day putting bandaids over the worst ones. I fall asleep soon after.

- next day

I groan as I woke up to Tommy's Loud yell at the Playstation, I didn't even get to say goodbye to Ranboo, I check the time, 8:17am so early, I roll back over to sleep, hugging the covers as I'm freezing.

Wilbur's POV

"Ok guys all done?" I say as we get up from breakfast, I didn't want to wake y/n yet because of yesterday and it was kinda early, "let's go swimming, its so frikin hot" Sapnap says and we all agree, I decide to wake y/n up myself just in case of yesterday.

I gently shake the sleepy child "Wakey Wakey" I say shaking her, "h-huh?" she says rolling over groggily "We're going swimming wanna come..?" "I- uh, sure?" she says yawning, "great see you downstairs sleepyhead" I say poking her "heyyy" she says pushing me playfully back, I roll my eyes and leave, she was awfully cold, on such a hot day, she needs to start getting better.

Y/Ns POV 

I'm so cold, my throat hurts, I feel sick because I haven't eaten in, 16 hours now, I put on my blue bikini, rubbing my fingers across my ribs and feel better, I walk downstairs. "Hi guys" I smile, "hey Y/N" they all smile and wave, Tommy looks really guilty, I feel terrible for getting in their way and being a problem, "Hey Tommy do you wanna have a chat?" I say quietly as we head out to the pool, He nods "Tommy I'm sorry for making you feel like that I know I can be a burden to everyone, It won't happen again" "what Y/n I'm the one that should be sorry, I didn't mean what I said" I nod and he hugs me, He's just saying that to make you feel better I tell myself, I drop my towel on the ground to jump in the pool, and then it hits me, I forgot about last night. shit Wilbur's coming.

Wilburs POV

Everyone hops into Dreams massive as fuck pool, They all start having fun, I look over at Y/n who is about to get in, I notice her legs and hips, she didn't...

"Hey Wilbur" she says looking up at me, "Y/N..." I trail off seeing red lines and bandaids littering her upper legs, "What's wrong wilbur" "Y/N I thought you were getting better" I thought she wasn't doing this anymore "Wilbur I promise it wasn't even a relapse it's a few cuts" a relapse is a relapse "atleast you put bandaids on it, Please just come talk to me if you feel like this again, we can't stand seeing you hurt" I say tears in my eyes walking away as she hops in.

Y/Ns POV

I promise Wilbur, a promise I'm going to try to keep, We hop out and Order an early dinner, shit they're getting pizza, how do I get out of this, I can barely stand up straight from the hunger, no we're not eating that disgusting fattening greasy food It says, "Um I'm going to the bathroom be right back" I say and climb up the stairs to my room, I haven't eaten anything but I wan't to throw up, I stick my fingers down my throat and wait a good minute, I throw up whats left, I look down but this time its blood, not streaks, blood and a tiny bit of vomit, shit. I quickly grab out my phone "I throw up a lot but theres blood in it", Throwing up a lot can lead to a lot of health issues... I scroll down "life threatening" my eyes widen, shit no. I flush it down and wash out my mouth going back down stairs deciding I'll just tell them I don't feel well.

I'm freezing, I know it's warm but i'm. somehow cold, it's almost 6pm but it's still sunny, "foods here announces dream" it gets passed around, "Want some Y/N?" George offers, "Sorry, I feel really sick" I shake my head, good job now you better not fucking eat tomorrow it says, "Hey you ok?" asks Karl "Yeah I'm fine just feel kinda nauseous" which isn't a lie because I do, "Hey why don't you have an apple or something?" He asks, No your almost at 21 hours so close, I nod, WHY THE FUCK now I have to throw it up, I eat about half over the span of 40 minutes, as everyones cleaning up I sneak away to the bathroom. I stick my fingers down and wait, I throw up a few times, I stare down, I almost cry, This time it's just blood, no throw up, just fucking blood, I hear a knock, no one followed me right? just fucking my luck.

Wilburs POV

I watch as Y/n sneaks away, cmon all she had was an apple and not even half, maybe she needs meds for the voices I remember I did, I follow her up silently, I hear her throw up then I knock, I knock again before telling her I'm coming in, oh my god.

I open the door and Y/ns Sitting against the cupboard blood stained on her lips, "Oh Y/N" I say pulling her into a hug, I'm too late, I cant help her, "i-I'm sorry Wil" she blurts out as we get up I notice the un-flushed toilet, and it's blood, nothing else just blood.