Loosing myself again - Y/n and dsmp

Chapter 14 - 11pm

TW
Ed
Sh
Panic attack

A/N:
Made this at 2am as a vent not grammar checked or anything ajdndbrbfnjdkejenendkkaskhfjfjd

Y/Ns POV

After yesterday's incident I'm scared to leave my room, they think your a dumb weird baby. Weak, weakweakweakweakweak.

I get up, I open the drawer, nothing, fuck. I rummage through my bag, nothing.  I hear a knock, "y/n it's Karl, come have a little bit of dinner with us" he pauses waiting for an answer, I have no choice "be down in a sec" I say leaving a few seconds later.

I feel sick, gross, fat, im slightly shaking from the sickness. My stomach hurts so bad, I haven't eaten in over a day, everyone is already on the couch watching a movie. "You ok?" Karl asks about to leave "yeah I don't feel the best I'm gonna take a nap" I say reassuring him the food will stay in my stomach. I turn the shower on, the only thing left I can find is my razor, luckily whoever took my blades didn't think to take it. I push it into my old scars, I feel happiness take over as my legs sting and burn.

-10 minutes later-

I step out of the shower half conscious, I grab the towel nearest to me and dry myself down, I avoid the cuts but it's to late, blood is dripping down my legs, I stare at the blood stained towel lying on the floor. What have I done? I can't move, I'm hit with the pain. I was always told I had a high pain tolerance but I can't handle this, I'm shaking now, tears begin to stream down my face, I make it onto the floor and lie down huddled into a ball. What have I done? They're gonna hate you. You deserve this. digging my fingernails deep into my hands I lie there, I'm in so much pain, it stings, it burns, I can't breathe, every part of my legs every SINGLE fucking part. I can't even move,I need to get to bed, I feel my shorts begin to soak up the blood. I drag myself closer to my bed, shaking badly. I let out a painful cry. Shit. I fucked up, I hear a knock as tears fill my eyes.

Wilburs POV
Im passing Y/Ns door as I'm going to bed, Im about a metre to my room when I hear a cry,it's all to familiar, the others are still watching the movie on max volume. I edge back up to her door. I knock, no answer I can hear soft cries. I softly open and shut the door calmly.
Shes lying there, grey shorts stained in red, wet tears eyes and face, shaking violently. "Hey, Hey, it's ok, your safe" I say gently rubbing her arm. Still shaking I gently whisk her up onto the bed, "it's gonna be ok" I say laying down next to her. "Deep breaths count to ten, with me" she slowly steady her breathing and tears. "Y/N You need to be honest with me  what the fuck happened? "It- h-hurts" she says poking my arm slightly. "Yeah I know, it's gonna hurt a lot but I'm gonna have to clean it"I say getting up to get the Medkit, how clean was she? Did she really quit?

The shorts are soaked in blood by now, as gently as possible I rip the shorts off her skin. "Worst part over" I say rubbing her arm as tears prick her eyes. How did this happen? Why did she do it I though she was clean?

I leave her room making sure she was asleep, 3 razors in my hand covered in blood. Luckily only Karl is up downstairs as I walk downstairs. "Hey Wil what's that in ur hand" he says gesturing to my closed hand. He already knows, "y/n relapsed" saddened at the news he mutters goodnight and walks up stairs tears pricking his eyes. After throwing them out making sure it was basically impossible to get them back I collapse into bed exhausted.