Loosing myself again - Y/n and dsmp

Chapter 9 - Disneyland

Tw⚠️
Panic attacks
Ed
Heights
Anxiety/death anxiety
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Y/Ns POV

Luckily after an eventful day yesterday I talked with Wilbur and Karl, I make a difficult promise. I thankfully wake up to normal friends who aren't treating me any different. "Disney land day today" screams Tommy as we pack up what's left of breakfast, luckily Karl only made me eat a few slices of Apple. "Alright everyone, you have 20 minutes to be down here we're leaving with or without you" Dream says as everyone rushes off to get ready.

I throw on my favourite hoodie, I frown at my arms, luckily I save myself by letting Niki rewrap them before I can do anything. I smile at her as we rush downstairs. I hop in a car with Tommy,Ranboo,Tubbo and Wilbur driving "can't you all go annoy the green baby" he says annoyed as Tubbo grins jumping in the front seat "I'm stuck with the children" he says trying to sound angry but clearly he's happy "Your so immature" he says as Tommy throws random stuff at him. Me and Ranboo exchange a look as we finally get on the road.

Once we're all there we immediately rush into a cafe as Tommy was begging for food and wouldn't leave anyone alone. "Y/N what do you want?" Ranboo says nudging me, "huh" I say clearly zoned out "she'll have the salad or something" Karl says pointing at a menu and letting Ranboo order for us all "Karl I'm not hungry" I say angry I have to eat "it's just a salad it won't kill you" he says as I sit down with everyone.

We get our food, while everyone is eating I'm staring there, I feel like I'm about to throw up, but not from food or anxiety, my stomachs so empty, I can't remember the last time I ate without throwing up. I slowly eat 3/4s of my salad hoping it will go away.

As we're leaving Karl looks at me proudly, I get a few proud looks from Wilbur, Tommy and Dream as well. We end up in a queue for a roller coaster, I start to feel sick, I can only imagine how fat I'll be after that. "You ok?" I hear as I turn around and nod, it looks so high, what if I fall out, what if I die, but everyone will think I'm dumb for not going on it and that I'm weak, my breathing speeds up. "Y/n are you sure your ok?" I hear Karl ask I nod as tears prick my eyes I hear him say something and I'm dragged out of the line. Once we get to the bench i say through small tears "im sorry, im sorry I ruined it, I just can't" I say, "it's ok, im not a big fan of roller coasters anyway" he says handing me water. "I can take you home?" He offers determined not to ruin it for everyone I say "no it's ok im not a fan of heights, im sure I'll go on the next ride" he nods scrolling through his phone as we wait for everyone to finish the ride.

Once everyone's off and jumping around we re group, luckily no one asks Next ride we step up to is a big swing that goes above the Ferris wheel and spins you around almost vertical really fast for a few minutes, I should've sat this one out, one screw falls out I, dead on the ground. " alright this ones in pairs" Dream says looking up at the chairs above us. I look around me, George pulls dream in, Technos standing with Phil, Quackity and Sapnap are smiling at each other talking, Tubbo and Ranboo pull away from Tommy, leaving him alone. "Sorry guys, I'll ride alone" Karl says standing next to Quackity and Sapnap, Wilbur and Niki are clearly paired up. "Y/N you coming?" I gulp seeing he height of it what if we fall? Will it hurt? I stand next to Tommy in line as we're the last 2.

"I'm sorry if I panic" I say looking up at him "it's fine" he says as we step forward, "by panic I mean like panic attack" I say quietly as we're almost at the front, "it's fine, your safe" he says grabbing my shoulder tightly. I gulp as the ride before us starts, at first its fine but then the arms extended, the chairs we're almost vertical. It won't hurt for to long right? Will the chains snap or the chair? I know I'd be perfectly safe if I wasn't overweight. I'm frozen to the ground, a warm hand tugs me out of the queue into the ride. We sit down, "you'll be ok, I'm right here, nothings going to happen" he says as the ride jerks up and begins to turn.

(IN A PLATONIC WAY)
Tommy's POV

"Nah I'm going with Ranboo" tubbo says, "sorry" I say glancing at a confused Ranboo. We sit down, I notice the panic on her face, she's scared, really scared. "You'll be ok, I'm right here, nothings gonna happen" I say trying to keep her calm. "We're gonna fall, I'm too heavy" that's when I notice her body dysmorphia is the cause of her ED, "y/n, your not fat, your not even close, we're not going to die I'm here" I say gripping her hand on the bar as we spin in the air.

When we begin to slow down, I look over, she's actually smiling, I haven't seen her smile since we last streamed together ruining Wilburs circle house. It was almost a year ago right before things started to go downhill.