Lies My Parents Told Me

Chapter Seven

Sang

When she returned home from hospital it was two days into summer break. The skin on my cheek was still a mottled blue purple but the edges were starting to yellow. Her medication was stored in a kitchen cabinet rather than her bed side drawer. He had emptied out bottles and bottles of pills that she had managed to hold onto, some of which had expired. I had three lashes of the belt over that. I should have been making sure they weren't expired. I could have made her sick if I had given her the wrong ones. He wouldn't be administering the medication he had too much to do for work, but I had a list of her current medications and dosages written by her new doctor. He would be responsible for filling them and I was to leave a note on the fridge when they were running low. She spent the better part of the week in bed. When I helped her dress and bathe, she didn't fight me. Her blue grey eyes swirled with anger, but she didn't hit out. I had the unsettling feeling that comes before a storm when I looked at her. That inside she was twisting and tearing waiting to unleash. At night I could hear them fighting, for reprieve I opened my windows and crawled out onto the roof. My bedroom faced out over the garage roof, this part of the roof was relatively flat and stable enough to hold me. The asphalt shingles were rough on my legs and hands, but I didn't care. Out here in the dark there was no loud words or raised voices, I could sit and be silent. I knew a fall from this height wouldn't kill me and it was late enough that no one should be able to see me. The street around me was silent except for the occasional bark of a dog and the low hum of a car in the distance.

Maybe this was a peaceful as life got. I closed my eyes and focused on the calm. After a few nights I realised that slowly something was thawing inside of me that had been dead. The next night before I could head out onto the roof He came into my room.

I had just pulled my nightgown on and was turning down my bed when the creak of the floorboards in the hall alerted me to his presence.

"Tomorrow, I leave for work. I will only be gone three days this time. I expect you to take care of her while I am gone. You know what will happen if you don't." His brown eyes were almost black, his shoulders squared, body tight, like a snake coiled to attack. I knew he was in a dangerous mood. I nodded to him, not trusting myself to talk. His hand struck out and grabbed my right wrist pulling him towards me.

"Don't forget what I said about boys. If I hear a whisper that you've spoken to anyone the consequences will be harsh, but if you so much as breathe near one of the neighbours sons I won't be able to stop myself." I shuddered; the ice that laced his tone chilled me down to my bones.

"I understand" I whispered. His hand squeezed my wrist causing the bones to grind against each other. I choked on a whimper. He slowly released me and walked out into the hall. She was standing in her doorway watching as I walked out of my room and headed to the bathroom. I ran my wrist under the cold water, watching the red marks fade.

He left early in the morning, no more threats. I had not slept following his visit but rather sat in my closet prepared to move into the crawl space if needed. I was tired and groggy. A night of adrenaline fuelled watchfulness had left me jumping at small noises but not alert enough to gauge the safest reaction. I was weary of feeling under threat. I slept walked through my normal routine cleaning and tidying. All the unpacking was complete, so I found my hands idle by 8 am. Wanting to clear myself of my nervous energy I decided to draw myself a bath. I relaxed into the water feeling my muscles unknot and the heat seep into every part of me. I floated lazily. The heat of the water causing my hair to stick to my face. This was calm. I achieved the same feeling in the bath as I did on the roof. I felt that maybe these small moments could be enough. That when people in books talk about being happy it is in tiny fragments carved out of the day. Slivers of time where there are no pressures, no expectations. I began to drift off, the warm water and the easing of my tensions lulling me to sleep.