Lies My Parents Told Me

Chapter Nine

Sang
I was dreaming. It was all a dream. Gentle hands touching my head. More fragments of memories. My real life was screaming at me to wake up. Sharp pain in my ankle caused me to rise from the warm dreamlike memory. I was used to sleeping with pain I just needed to reposition and then I could sink back down into sleep. The darkness started to cover me again, just as a hot poker was driven through the side of my ankle. I screamed.
Shooting upright I was flooded with memories my mother screaming at me, the rain, the fear, the boy. I pulled my knees to my chest, and screamed again, the sudden movement causing my leg to burn. I rolled to my side and vomited. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, all that was coming out was bile and saliva. I gagged and heaved. Tears were streaming down my face. I looked up into the face of a scared little girl and standing behind her phone in hand was the boy.
Where was I? I was outside, now I’m inside. The carpet I had just vomited on and the damp couch I was positioned on were unfamiliar. I tried to breathe in through my nose and out of my mouth but the sour vomit taste was overwhelming. I began to sob, loud heaving gasping sobs. I had no idea what had happened to me. I was terrified. My heart slamming against my ribs, my leg on fire. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t leave.
A hand brushed mine and I flinched away so violently that I jarred my ankle again. An icy feeling washed down my face, my lips began to tingle, my head was spinning.
“Hey, you’re hyperventilating, I need you to slow your breathing or you’re going to pass out. Breathe with me. In and hold, 1, 2, 3, exhale, slowly, 1, 2, 3. Okay again, remember to count. In two, three, four, out two, three four.” His voice was calm, soothing as he demonstrated the breathing he wanted me to copy. I found myself following along.
“Where… where am I?” I whispered. Looking at the little girl. She still looked scared, her big brown eyes were so wide behind those pink frames. She was in fluffy pyjamas like she had been made to get out of bed. Her eyes flicked to the boy. Was this the same situation I was in? Had he brought her home too? Oh god, what if I’m not allowed to leave. She looks so scared, I should be scared, he’s hurting her, he’s going to hurt me. My breathing had sped up again. I flinched at the boy’s deep voice.
“Hey, calm down its okay. You’re at my house, you said your name was Sang or something right?” Why did I tell him my name? My chest was aching my lungs hurt, my vision was clouded by tears.
“Kota maybe, um, maybe you should leave for a second, okay?” the little girl’s voice was soft she stood up and touched the boy, Kota, gently. He nodded and left the room. The minute he was out of sight I tried to leave the couch. The fire in my ankle caused me to grit my teeth and scream. Little girl grabbed my hands.
“It’s okay, Kota can take you to the hospital, I think your ankle is broken. You don’t have to try and leave you’re safe here.”
“I can’t go to the hospital, and I don’t know him, I need to leave.” I told her. She nodded, squeezing my hand.
“Okay, its okay. Kota and I can take you home and maybe you can go with your mom to the hospital but you need to get your ankle looked at.”
“I can’t go home either.” I whispered. I was utterly alone, at the mercy of others. The line from Streetcar Named Desire flew through my mind ‘Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers’. Something I couldn’t do. The people I knew had no remorse when it came to hurting me. Strangers could kill me. The little girl squeezed my hand again.
“You can stay here. Kota’s friend Sean, he’s studying to be a doctor. He’s at the hospital right now. My mom’s a nurse so Kota knows how to make a splint, well we have the cardboard kind in our first aid kit. Let him splint your ankle and then we can get you cleaned up, okay?” I shook my head.
“I can’t I’m not allowed to talk to boys, it isn’t safe. I need to go. They’ll be mad, I have to go.” I tried to stand again, but the pain was unbearable.
“Kota, I think you need to call Sean, he needs to leave early. That or we call mom.” The boy Kota had appeared back in the room. He nodded and started dialling.
How could I have been so stupid, she was right I couldn’t do anything, I was worthless. I can’t follow the rules and now no one can stop them. They can do whatever they want to me. The numb feeling from earlier came back. I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted. The voices around me grew fuzzy, and everything sore started to fade. I would survive I always did, but I didn’t have to be here for it. This was not my body. This was not my pain.
I eased back onto the couch. I no longer felt the damp clothes tight on my skin or the tangled knotted hair that caught on everything. The little girl was crouched in front of me. I watched her mouth move but I didn’t hear her. The boy, Kota, replaced her. His green eyes full of concern behind his black rimmed glasses. His brown hair unruly as he ran his hands through it. I felt so tired of this. Tired of everything. He held my hand in his. My hand looked so small. His hands were square with long fingers that traced mine. He wiped my hands with a small white cloth. The grazes should have hurt, but I watched detached, unmoving, unfeeling. His hand moved up along my arm and I followed its path until it reached my neck. He moved his hand to my face angling my head, so I looked into his eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed. His lips were moving. I closed my eyes. Enjoying the dark behind them.
Kota
Jess told me to call Sean and I did. She had looked so scared by me, Jess was right. She had panicked and tried to leave despite the terrible pain she would have been in. She’d been sick, she flinched away from me. She was so worried I would hurt her. When I left them, I started to count. Usually, it calmed me and helped me keep my breathing even, but I was so worried about what had happening in there that it wasn’t working. She was so scared of me. I felt sick. I felt like him. When she flinched away from me, I remembered flinching away from a hand that could bring affection or pain, that changed its mind on a dime. I think Jess asked me to leave as much as for the girl as for me. I was terrified of turning into him.
I had lurked in the doorway watching how she interacted with Jess. She went quiet while I was on the phone to Sean. I was just telling him that it was almost certainly broken when Jess yelled my name. I rushed into the lounge to see the girl staring, unblinking.
“Kota I was talking to her but she just stopped replying and now she’s not responding when I touch her or talk to her.” Sean cursed on the phone “Kota put me on speaker.” I put the phone on the coffee table and turned-on speakerphone.
“Jess what happened right before she stopped responding?” Sean’s no nonsense doctor voice was coming into play.
“She tried to stand up a few times. She told me that she couldn’t go to the hospital, and she couldn’t go home, and that she’s not allowed to talk to boys. She seemed really scared of Kota… no offence.” I shrugged. It was hard not to take it personally but knowing she was scared of Jess too helped.
“Did she mention why she couldn’t go home? Or to the hospital?” “No, just said that they’ll be mad.”
“Can you try touching her hand Jess? Does she respond to touch?” Jess brushed her hand along hers. She didn’t even blink.
“She didn’t move. Should I do something else?” “Kota can you touch her hand see if she moves then?” I hesitantly reached out my hand and took hers rubbing my thumb along her knuckle. She didn’t flinch away or move at all.
“Nothing, last time I tried to touch her she flinched away from me, but now she’s just gone. Do you know what’s wrong?”
“I can’t really tell without seeing her but she could be in shock, like a dissociative state, or it could be absent seizures. She flinched last time you tried to touch her? Just you Kota or did she flinch from Jess?” Jess answered.
“She let me hold her hand without flinching away but she was really distressed when Kota came near her.”
“Kota you said she had a green bruise on her cheek, was that the only bruise you saw?” “I mean yeah she’s wearing a raincoat and jeans, I only saw the bruise on her ankle because Jess did the cuffs."
“Do you have reason to suspect she might be homeless or a runaway?” I thought about the bag she was carrying.
“Could be a runaway she had a bag with her.” “Okay Kota check in her bag for some ID and I will be there as soon as I can.” I hung up the phone sitting on the edge of the coffee table.
“I’m gonna clean up her hands, Jess can you look through her bag for ID.” Jess frowned at me.
“I thought Sean told you to do that?” I rolled my eyes.
“He did but girls sometimes have things in their bags that they don’t want boys seeing, you know Lady things.” It was Jess’s turn to roll her eyes.
“Not like they’re things you haven’t seen before.” She grumbled before unzipping the backpack and looking through it.
I cleaned the grazes on her hands. I knew the antiseptic would sting but she still didn’t move away from me. When I turned over her left hand to clean it I noticed a red mark peeking out of her sleeve. A red ring going around her wrist. Who would do that to someone? I noticed her eyes tracking my hands and I moved my fingers to her wrist. I slowly moved my hand up her arm and her eyes followed me until I reached her shoulder. I moved my hand to turn her head so she was looking at my face.
“You’re going to be okay. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you anymore.” She closed her eyes. A small sigh leaving her lips as her body relaxed. My hand still on her cheek.