Brahms heelshire x reader ( "The boy" Fanfiction)

Chapter 12: Lucid babies

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This chapter doesn't make much sense due to the fact I put it on halt back in January and continued near May so my original idea where it was left off is altered. when I mass edit, this section would be re-worked.

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Chapter 12: Lucid babies

I felt the heaviness of my eyes drop, heaving me into a deep sleep.

***

And my eyes fluttered open, but I didn't feel well rested. My mind was spinning, pulling me back somewhere.

I closed my cardigan around my chest, and peered out the window for y/n . . . who wasn't here yet. I had hoped my nap would have passed time long enough for them to return.

I walked along the halls listening to the ticking of the living room clocks.

I passed a room, and another room, and another and another . . . until I paused right in front of a room, in poor condition, all tattered and un-occupied.

I felt like I wasn't supposed to be here. The sweat slicking onto porcelain was an uncomfortable feeling that made it all the worse. 

I knew every blind area and each inner wall that connects the whole house. But I have never seen this room before; and I don't think it's meant to be here. 

A small lamplight swings on its own will; illuminating a little girlish baby carrier, with little frills and butterfly wings that should've lifted it away far from the blood that pooled out of it.

I held on to the baby stroller, holding it in place as it lightly rocked. There Was someone inside; and it was the "boy doll" as y/n called it, but it was me.

Its porcelain model, polished to last for eternity as a remnant of an estranged childhood.

   I lost focus on the doll and I stared at the door I had just emerged from.

but it didn't make sense.

y/n walked past me yet I wasn't acknowledged as I normally would.

I wanted to be noticed.

They came forward and went past me while I watched. They rocked the "baby" since I stopped its movement,  and someone appeared. And it was a man? Or so I think it was, They were an unfamiliar face, but I might've remembered them if I thought too hard. I turned to y/n ready to ask who the fuck is this? Are you cheating on me?

It seems they were in the room before me, but I hadn't noticed them until now.

I felt my chest sting and I never felt this feeling before. A swarm of bees flushed against my chest and they stung and poked at my veins in a taunting matter. I wasn't suppose to feel this way, I didn't feel in any control.

I had woken so suddenly, and painfully that my head was hurting.
I remember when y/n told me dreams can have meanings. I believe this one was quite straightforward considering the situation.

I sighed silently, pondering what conclusions my mind had created.
Do they think of me as nothing more of someone they have to take care of? Am I too dependable?

I felt fear once shriveled away in the past swell up inside. I wasn't meant to be the one afraid of such simple things; but I knew something must be done.