Lovers

Ch. 43: Die For You

Die For You- The Weeknd

"I'm findin' ways to articulate the feeling I'm goin' through. I just can't say I don't love you. 'Cause I love you, yeah. It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold. But tonight I'm gon' let you know. Let me tell the truth. Baby let me tell the truth, yeah."

--

"He said that?" Dawn asks. My girl and her lack of manners. She's sitting at my desk with chow mien hanging from her mouth.

"Yup."

"Well, that's not true. I would never try to even-- that's just not--" she puts the Chinese grub down, processing what I've stated. I've just spent the last ten minutes explaining everything about my therapy session with Dr. Ross.

This isn't usual of me, and I'm even surprised about how forthcoming I am. But this uncomfortable had to come sooner or later, and I didn't like the wasted silence while we ate, so fuck it. Let's drop the ball where it lies between us.

"I want this resolved, Dawn. This is the only reason why I'm sharing it with you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad." I stand from the bed I was sitting across and approach her, opening my arms for an embrace.

She holds one of her hands out, shaking her head, "I'm sorry," her voice faltering.

I crouch down to her level and connect my eyes with hers. "We can't compromise unless you try and not go into already negative. It makes me feel guilty, baby. I want us to work, and that fucking shithead said we can't because of my issues. I don't care, though."

"I know it's selfish to continue this. You have a long ride ahead of you."

"And I want you by my side when I drive on it. Okay, this is me being open and honest and trying to repair whatever damages that might happen. I need you to know that. I want to be still associated with the Underground for our protection."

"All the Underground has done is separate us, Jake." she sighs, leaning further away from me into the chair. "It will never stop. You disband the Underground now, and then the men down there can do some good in the world somewhere."

"Good," I chuckle cynically at her naive words. "Baby, that's all the men were ever taught. They are all variants of me. Do you think they chose this way? These Undergrounds are created for easy, fast money-- for low-income people. Besides, they won't go out to get a "real" job. they'll go to another-- like fucking Brayden's."

"Then let them."

"Let him take all the power that I created?"

"See! Power. It always comes back to that." Dawn's hands scratch at the sides of her temples.

"For us, Dawn!"

Can't she see what I see? I rebuilt an empire, and simply passing it off to another would be dumb. I put in the time. I put in the effort. Why should I give that control away! It'll be wasted.

"Stop yelling!"

"Compromise, please. If you budge, I will follow. But this world is not black and white, darling. This shit is gray in the murkiest shade. So I need you to look through a different lens and see what I'm seeing."

Her eyes begin to well, and I'm not prepared for a cryfest. Instead, she surprises me by shutting her eyes and blowing hot air from her mouth, yet one single tear flows down her cheek. Dawn swipes it quickly before opening her now glass-free stare.

"Okay, let's make a deal." Her tone is much more even than before.

"Sure--"

"I come up with a rule, and then you come up with one."