Lovers

Ch. 12: Bored

Bored- Billie Eillish
You'd say you'd stay but then you'd run. Giving you what you're begging for. Giving you what you say I need. I don't want any settled scores. I just want you to set me free. Giving you what you're begging for. Giving you what you say I need, say I need. I'm not afraid anymore. What makes you sure you're all I need? Forget about it. When you walk out the door and leave me torn

She's always been the noble one. The one that has to make sure everyone is okay. No matter if it hurts to see their face. That's why this friendship agreement is even settled. She think she can fix me, but since I've known her, I was never broken. This is just who I am.

Dawn wanted to travel through town with me as her chaffeur, and I'm hating every second of it. I barely understand this friendship so to speak, but Dawn's risking her mental state for me.

"I've missed Alice and Casper, how're they?" She asks, trying to break the silence with meaningless noise.

"Fine," in actuality I have no fucking idea. I've avoided them since graduation, along with anything associated to Dawn.

"Well that's good," she returns my shortness. I exhale deeply, and her brow quirks up, "what's the matter now?"

"We need some rules if we are going to try to be friends. One being that we can't have small talk. Never in fact. It's uncomfortable as hell."

"How're you suppose to start a conversation," she snorts.

I glance to her, a frustrated frown is at her lips, and I wish to wipe it from her mouth with mine, but instead I use my words. I rather do that, "Sorry. I just... it's weird you know." I look back at her again, "If you really think about it, I don't have friends, really. Alice's my cousin, so she's obligated to be nice to me. Same with Casper, he's dating her. The guys from work drifted away after we broke up. Alicia and Kevin... barely speak to them unless I'm in town, so..."

"Wow, have the tables have turned," she leans into her car door, looking out the window, "You know, I use to think you were the most popular guy at school. That you had all these people parading around you. Yearning your attention. I mean I was one of them. Far away in the distance, I can still see myself as what you like to call an attention whore."

She stays quiet after that, letting the memories soak into her aura. Those aren't fond thoughts of us. In fact there embarrassing to think back to. "I was dick back then," I try to ease her.

"You still are one." I glance to her again, but a smile is what I'm granted.

A solid half and hour roles by, and we finally make it back to the old slums of Dawn's neighborhoood. Well it's not the slums. It's the ideal way of living in the white America. I wish I had the luxury, but I can't assume every home with white picket fences had the ideal family. Dawn didn't. Not with scar across her scalp from her father. The faded bruises. Everyone has a fucked up childhood whether they like to admit it or not.

"Are you sure you want to wait in the car?" She asks me as we pull up to her house.

"Yeah. You know your mom. She'll just ask a million and one questions. Are we together? Why'd we breakup? I'm not ready for that shit." I pull out a back of cigs, and begin to light it. It's better than alcohol, but Dawn has never seen this side of me.

"I didn't know you smoked," she says slowly.

"Just started." I puff out the window, avoiding her face. "It keeps me busy."

I can tell she's put off to this new revalation, but at this point I don't care what she thinks, especially now when she chose this route in our relationship. We're just friends. I can't help but cringe when that phrase continues to repeat in my head over and over like a mantra, mocking my predicamaent as if it's meant for me to fix something. I wish I could, but the ball is in her court from now on. Especially with JC over our heads.