Even If It Means A War (Chaotic Series #1)

Kabanata 39

Even If It Means A War

Kabanata 39

The events still haven't sunk into my mind. First, my brain can't absorb the fact that we won't be divorcing after all. Second, we're in a place far from our families, with them knowing that we're here for divorce proceedings. Third, everything he said.

I can do this, right? His challenge to me is to be braver. I shouldn't have any fear anymore.

Thinking about my grandfather turned into harsh devil sent shiver down my spine. All the brutality would pass through him.. He's capable of any violence. I'm sure he would kill Zame without hesitation.

Is Zame brave enough to face him? From what I see now, and how he's acting, he has no fear left. Wala na siyang pakialam pa basta mabawi kami.

I trust him. Mas umigting ang pagtitiwala ko sa kaniya ngayon.

Kung noon, palagi kong sinasabing magtatago kami habang walang nakakaalam, pinapahintulutan niya akong paunlakan ang gusto ko. So even if he wanted to reveal our relationship back then, he would still listen to me. Because I did not want that. If before he wanted us to run away and be far apart, he couldn't do that when I said I did not want to. He always listens to me before. Not that he doesn't listen to me now. Nakikinig siya sa akin pero alam kong siya ang nakaupo sa trono ngayon. He won't listen to me now. So if I say I don't want to and I retreat, he won't listen to that.

Hindi ako aatras. Mas lalong hindi ako lalayo. I don't want to disappoint him. Tama na ang ginawa kong pang-iiwan noon. Kung nasaktan man ako, mas nasaktan siya at ayokong may gawin muling ikasasakit niya. He needs my assurance that I won't run again. Even if he doesn't say it, I know he worries that at any moment I might leave again. He was hurt and traumatized, I know. What I did was traumatic.

I won't run again. Lalaban ako.

We're going okay now. Ayoko nang mantsahan. He's doing this for us. To bring our family back from the depths where once sunk. I don't want to make the same running decision I made three years ago because right now, he is very prepared. I don't want to think about what would happen hypothetically in the next few days once we're back.

Bawat patak ng minuto at turo ng kamay sa orasan, mumunting kaba para sa akin. Masaya ako pero may nakaakibat doong pag-aalala. Zame was right, I should be braver. I need to surpass this if I don't want my family to be completely lost. He is... my strength for this.

Zame gave me a severe look. We're at a restaurant having dinner. Napansing niyang kakapiranggot pa lang ang bawas sa plato ko, kanina pa kami nagsimula.

"Should I replace your food? May gusto kang kaining iba?" malambing niyang tanong, balanse ang tingin sa akin.

He's here and I feel protected. Tuluyang nawala ang galit ko sa kaniya. Iniisip ko na lang kung galit pa rin ba siya sa akin. Sana hindi na.

I looked around and saw a woman with an ice cream beside her meal. Nainggit ako kaagad doon kaya nilipat ko ang tingin kay Zame.

"Uhm, can I have an ice cream?" I asked in a small voice.

Patagal nang patagal, lumulutang na ako. Pakiramdam ko kumikilos ako sa ibabaw ng hangin. Zame in front of me! Nagbalikan na ba kami?!

I don't know. Wala naman siyang sinasabi. Baka pag-uwi namin? I really don't know. Haven't we officially gotten back together in this situation? But he hasn't mentioned anything yet.

May sinenyasan siyang waiter na lumapit. Lumapit ang waiter at gumilid sa kaniya.

"One bowl of chocolate and vanilla ice cream for my wife, please," aniya roon sa waiter.