(OLD AND CRINGY AND VERY INCONSISTENT)
[CW FOR SELF HARM IN A FEW CHAPTERS]
Also the description got deleted for no reason so I'll write it all later hfdshgds i might forget though
!!(DISCLAIMER: I AM IN NO WAY GLORIFYING SELF HARM, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, OR ANXIETY/PANIC DISORDER. IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY/PANIC DISORDER, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, PLEASE SEEK HELP IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY.)!!
---
It had been a few months after the week I had woken up. I was in my room. I was sitting on a towel on the floor. I had a blade in my hand from a pencil sharpener. I slashed my arm, a stinging pain shot through my arm as blood built up inside the cut and dripped out. I thought about the day after I had a fight with Alex.
---
[Flashback]
I walked to school, cracking my fingers nervously. I didn't see my "friends" in the hallway waiting for me. Instead, they were talking with Alex. People around me were looking at me weirdly. I tried not to pay attention to them. I went to class and ignored everything the teacher said. I don't remember anything that happened. After class, I went to my locker. I got all the stuff I needed for the next class and closed my locker. I started walking down the hallway where the next class was. I noticed that almost everybody was staring at me. I began to get a bit uncomfortable but continued walking. I got to class and sat down at my desk as I watched other kids flood into the room. Class started and it was boring as usual. The teacher asked a question. I didn't raise my hand because I didn't know the answer. Some of the other kids raised their hands. The teacher scanned the room and I made eye contact with her. I heard the teacher call my name and my heart started racing. I started sweating as I saw the other kids looking back to stare at me. I hated it. I started trembling as I stuttered, trying to think of something to say, but my mind was racing faster then normal. My chest felt heavy, like a ton of bricks had been dropped onto me. It was painful. "Well?" I heard a kid in front of me say. I went silent as tears welled up in my eyes. My mind was screaming "DON'T LOOK AT ME, DON'T LOOK AT ME, DON'T LOOK AT ME" My teacher passed onto someone else, which she should'vedone in the first place. I tried to blink back the tears in my eyes. The lump in my throat was painful and I felt like I couldn'tspeakwithout it hurting.
After class, I ran to the bathroom and let out all of the emotions that built up while in class. I was sitting in a bathroom stall on the floor. A few minutes passed and I took my phone out of my jacket pocket and looked at the time. It was almost time for the next class. I quickly got up and wiped my tears. I got out of the stall and saw another person washing their hands. I didn't know that they were in there. I washed my hands to make it look like I wasn't crying, even though it was pretty obvious. I wiped some tears away as I walked out of the bathroom. I started to power walk to my locker. I saw Alex and my "friends" hanging out next to my locker. I sighed quietly as I approached my locker. Alex saw me walking in his direction. I put my head down towards the ground. Alex said something that I can't remember, but I could hear the smirk in his voice. I lifted my head up to look at him. He looked at my tired face. His smirk turned into a small frown.
---
I walked into the bathroom quickly and got some tissues to wipe the blood off of my arm. I washed the blood off of my arm under the sink with cold water. I started thinking about how I would die. I thought about jumping off of the school rooftop, but I had already attempted that and I had to get a therapist. I thought about starving myself, but it would take too long. I knew I wanted to die a painful death. I looked at my scars and the fresh, still bleeding cut on my arm. I hatched a plan. 'I'll do this tomorrow' I thought.
---
The next day after dinner, I was in my room, gathering the things I treasured most from the laundry basket. The ushanka I made, my favorite hoodie, the VHS tape, and the stack of pictures from my past. I remembered my dream. Tears welled up in my eyes at the thought that I couldn't remember some of the dream. I couldn't remember what Miles's hair color was or what the girl with the red hair's name was. I was so torn apart and sad. I picked up all of the things I treasured, grabbed the screwdriver and pencil sharpener, a pencil, and a piece of paper. I wrote a note on it.
Dear mom and dad,
You suck. You didn't care about me. You treated me like shit, you never listened to what I said. I tried telling you about my mental struggles, but you didn't care. You never did. You wanted me to be this perfect being with straight A's and a romantic partner. I never wanted any of that. I just wanted to have fun and have friends who cared about me, but I never had any of that. I had fun in my coma. I lived a life that I always wanted. I had parents who actually cared about me. I wish you did. As you stare upon my cold dead body, look at the things around me. A stack of pictures, a hoodie, an ushanka that I might be wearing, and a VHS tape. Things I treasured more then my life. I hope you realize what major mistakes that you have made, and learn from them. I'll be with my friends in the afterlife.
Goodbye. - [Y/N]
I put the pencil down and picked up everything else. I looked at my phone and took it with me into the bathroom. I sat down on the cold tile floor, my back leaned against the bathtub. I put on the ushanka and the hoodie. I put the stack of pictures next to me, and the VHS tape in front of the pictures. I put my note in front of me and scrolled on my phone for a bit. I was sitting with my legs curled up into my chest. I sighed, picking up the screwdriver and pencil sharpener after turning my phone off. I unscrewed one of the screws and took out the blade. I put the screw and the pencil sharpener next to me and thought about my coma. I gripped the blade firmly and slashed a line across my arm. I hissed at the pain, but I knew I deserved this. I slashed my arm again. Blood was trickling down my arm like a waterfall. I grabbed the blade with my other hand and slashed my arm on the veins. My eyes widened, pain shooting through my arm. Dark liquid dripped out of my arm steadily. I felt myself getting lightheaded. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but slowing down as I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the pain. Before I could die, I slashed across what used to be my face, under my left eye, and soon, I saw darkness.
----------------
Kai/Raven: !!
THANK Y'ALL!! : )
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
