𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄, the adam project

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉

The four of them were in the hotel room they got for the night. Adam and Y/n sat next to their father as he rambled guilty apologies, looking down at the floor. Y/n furrowed her eyebrows as the boys responded to their dads self-demeaning comments, not knowing what to say.

"Stop-stop-stop." Adam said waving his hands at Louis. "Stop what?" He replied, Y/n now paying more attention. "Stop being a scientist."

"But I am a scientist..?"

"Start being a father! You cared more about the universe, than you did your own kids!"

"That's not true!"

"No he didn't.." The twins immediately jumped to their fathers defense as Louis stared at his son wide eyed. "That is true! He did! And when you're... older you'll realize that." Adam hesitated with his words, looking at the twins confused and hurt faces.

"I-you know what? That ship as sailed for me. That's fine. But they need you." Adam said to Louis, a pained expression was written on his face that said he was partially lying.

Louis looked at the twins, before looking back at Adam. "You. What do you need?"

"I need to go for a walk." Adam said, almost laughing to himself, before grabbing his coat and leaving the motel room. Y/n watched him with sincere and sorrowful eyes, the ones she wore so well, before she looked down entirely at her hands placed in her lap.

•••

When Louis left the motel room, he also left his kids shattered hearts there. Adam laid at the head of the bed, obviously not asleep but refusing to move. Y/n pat his shoulder comfortingly, trying her best not to cry, she couldn't cry, she told herself that she wouldn't, she said that she would be okay with him leaving again. She had to keep her promise to herself, but she didn't know if she could. She squeezed her eyes tight for a second before she got up with shaky legs and walked out of the motel room.

She spotted Adam sitting at a bench not too far away from the motel, she cracked a small smile because she knew he wouldn't have gone far. Her shoes padded gently on the blacktop as she approached the picnic table, sitting down on the bench right across from Adam.

"What?" Adam said gruffly, with the hint of softness his tone only held when he spoke to her. Y/n was just now putting the pieces together for why. "Nothin' I just.. needed some air. Like you." She smiled softly and Adam took a swig of his beer.

"I know why you hate him so much." Y/n blurted out, mostly because it was the only thing on her mind. It wasn't often that Y/n's loud brain was only thinking of one thing. "Really? Well, do tell! I'm on the edge of my seat! Holy shit. I wonder it I— Was it because he's narcissistic, or, uh, never came home from work or card more about his job than his kids—" It was obvious Adam wasn't in the best mood, but his sarcastic tone of voice comforted Y/n, it was good to know some things about Adam would never change. A part of him would never grow up.

"It's because he died." Y/n said in her usual soft tone, though it seemed a bit annoyed and empathetic at the same time. Adam's face softened as he looked at her, knowing that she was right. She was always right.

"You hate him, because he died. You made yourself hate him. Because it was easier than missing him. And I'm sure you hated me the same way." Y/n's face broke into a pained smile. Adam's eyes softened and he took another swig of his beer.

"No." His voice all the sudden turned sincere, which peaked Y/n's interest. "Hating you wasn't an option. It would just make me feel shittier. There was no way to hate you. No reason to. I just wallowed in sadness. I couldn't do what I had done with dad. You were always by my side, through everything, and I gave you nothing but shit. If I hated you it would just be another stab to the back from me. And I'm sorry, that I blew up like that. You shouldn't have known what happened in the future." Adam spoke slowly, with this sort of guilt that made Y/n feel sorry for him.

"It's okay. I already knew. And I wanted to know, I couldn't stand being in the dark while everyone around me danced around it like it was some normal daily conversation. Adam told me, even before you talked about it."

They sat there in an uncomfortable silence for a while, not because they were uncomfortable, but the subjects floating in the air felt suffocating to them. "And I remember things..about dad... that you wouldn't want to." Y/n went back to their first topic, because talking about her death still freaked her out.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"He used to play catch with you. Every night after work, even when he was tired, but he would still go back to the yard, and you'd play with the pitch back. You remember the pitch back, right?"

"Oh, I...I remember the pitch back. Yeah he bought it so he didn't have to play with me."

"No..." Y/n shook her head, and Adam looked at her with an amused expression. "He bought it because they had one in the window of Altman's. Every time we passed that store, you begged him to buy it for you, so that's what dad did. He'd see you throwing in the yard, and he would always play." Y/n smiled at the memories, tears building up in her eyes. Adam's face was now awestruck, he had never really noticed just how observant Y/n was, and just how much she wanted good for others, even if she completely ignored herself.

"What about you?" Adam asked with raised eyebrows. Y/n looked down, that same teary-eyed smile plastered on her face. "He would come upstairs, and we would play guitar. He always thought our electric guitar was the coolest, but he was so bad at playing it, I would basically teach him. I would show him the songs I learned and he would always seem impressed even if it was the same song I had been showing him over and over. The song we played the most was.."

"Back To the Old House." The two of them said simultaneously, and Y/n wiped the tear that dripped down her face. "We would always dance around in the kitchen to it, and we decided to learn it. We almost got it all down before.." Y/n cut herself off, not wanted to even mention the fact her father was going to die. Adam remembered that song all too well, he remembered hearing it upstairs as he ate dinner. And he remembered hearing the songs then sickly-sweet cords in his sisters bedroom after their dad died. Before she got rid of the guitar, before she forgot about it. Before she forgot about who she really was.

Adam looked at the girl with smiling eyes that hinted sadness. "That was the song you were going to play, on the anniversary of dads death." Y/n looked at him wide eyed, but Adam didn't want to cry by looking at those eyes. " You couldn't find anywhere to get a guitar. You ran around the whole town the night before the anniversary. You were stressed out of your mind but you didn't want help because you were too worried about how the rest of us felt. You got hit by a drunk driver. You were killed the day before dads death anniversary." Adam's mouth was open but he couldn't find the words he wanted to say, both of them let their tears freely fall.

"I hated myself after it happened, because you called me. You needed my help, and I didn't even answer your fucking call. After all you did for me, and I brushed it off. And you died."

"It's not your fault." Y/n said so quickly after Adam finished it was almost as if it was a part of his rant. "That wasn't your fault." Y/n shook her head as she looked up at Adam, who sighed deeply. Y/n furrowed her eyebrows and grabbed Adam's beer, taking a swig herself. "This shit is insane." She mentioned and both of them chuckled.

Adam shook his head with a light hearted chuckle, and he ruffled Y/n's hair.

"Yeah, it is."