Against All Odds.. (Raekkuno)

Chapter 8: Confused Feelings

I shouted, breaking the calm and peaceful silence, "oh, hey Rae!" He gleamed a smile towards me and waved nicely. I smiled back awkwardly and sort of broke into a panic. I tried fixing my hair, checking if my make-up was okay, dusting the grass and dirt off me making sure I was approachable.
"Funny seeing you here, I didn't know you walked around this park." I spoke nervously as he walked up to me with his dog on his leash.

"Yeah, I was gonna meet Micheal and toast here in about like an hour but I wanted to walk Bimbus first." He glanced down at his dog on the leash. Bimbus tilted his head cutely as he stared at me, probably not sure who I was.

"Awe, how old is he?" I asked in awe of the dog.

"Oh, well I got him on my 16th birthday so he's about 2 and a half years old."

I smiled softly and guided my hand out towards the dog. He sniffed my hand and then walked back around Thomas and sat behind his feet.
I heard Thomas chuckle, "yeah he's a bit shy. But trust time he's just a bundle of joy." He took a seat next to me on the small hill, and smiled at his dog. He talked to him in a baby voice, I giggled to myself as I saw the same relationship he had with his dog, within Mika and I.
"Since you had mentioned it, I guess both of our dogs match our personalities." I joked, and shining a smile.

"You know, that actually is true." He laughed.
I smiled softly, even though he always covers his mouth when he smiles it's still so contagious. "So what're your plans for today?" I asked as I laid back, resting on the thin blades of grass.

"Well, Micheal and Toast are supposed to meet me here, and then I think we'll order some food and just play video games at Micheal's house."

"That sounds fun, maybe I can invite Isaiah to do something today. Though, I don't think he'll be up for it." I shrugged, not really bothered by the fact that Isaiah may not wanna hang out.

"Well maybe Toast and Micheal will let you come over." He insisted.

"It's okay, I don't wanna ruin your guy's time together anyway. Bro moments are different."

"Well that's nice of you, I just don't want you to feel lonely." He grinned, feeling anxious about me.
I giggled awkwardly, feeling flattered by his actions in thought, "come on, don't worry about me. There are so many other things that you could be concerned for!"

"Yeah, well I guess you're the one I'm concerned for right now." He said while staring at Bimbus. I felt a rise of temperature on my cheeks, I quickly looked down hiding my face from him.

It wasn't long after the moment when I saw Micheal walking down the sidewalk, his head was down as he gazed deeply into his phone screen. Not wanting to be a bother or kind of like a third wheel, that's when I excused myself from the scene.
I called Mika, and we began walking back home. Stepping back on the sidewalk is when I turned around. I sighed as my eyes met Thomas's body, I softly grinned to myself seeing him happily conversation with Micheal. But once I saw that there was some sort of deep loneliness that had entered me. Why don't I have this with my friends?
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I walked Mika back home and was still confused. Their friendship seems so healthy, and comfortable for them. My friendships are.. different.
I looked around, and it was like a ghost town. There were barley any cars going by, no dogs were barking, no sprinklers were spraying, the wind felt like it wasn't blowing, and usually the birds would be singing in the trees. My mouth curved into a frown, but I looked down at Mika who seemed to be loving his walk. Why can't I just be happy like my dog? And not really give a shit about anything, or anyone else. As long as I'm loved, I should be good. I thought to myself as I petted Mika, but immediately I knew I could never do anything like that to anyone. I mean if I did I wouldn't want it catching up to me anyway.
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I got home and announced I had arrived. With the house being empty, I really didn't know what to do. It was kind of those situations for me when I just wanted to talk to anyone. Hell, I could even go to a drive through and rant to the person taking my order, though that probably wouldn't be the best idea.
-
I entered my room and closed the door behind me. Mika jumped onto my bed, as I fell back into my chair as I let my recent emotions sink in. I huffed and realized I had never felt this sad before. Why though? There must've been something to make me realize, and I think it might be Thomas. I mean, he is the one who has been talking and bonding with me.
Once Thomas crossed my mind I smiled and swooned in my chair, spinning in slow circles while feeling a tingling sensation take over my body. He's great, maybe he'll come over tomorrow and we can play Valorant. Ooh! Or maybe I can get his gamertag so we can play together.
Before I could get lost in my thoughts I caught myself. My eyes widened as concerned filled my body, I exhaled sharply and stood up from my chair as I retrieved all my recent thoughts. I covered my mouth trying process all my recent behavior. Do I like Thomas?
I nodded refusing to believe it, and I ran to my bathroom mirror, I don't know maybe to remind myself who I was, but it worked..I think. I looked at myself and sighed in relief, see I don't like Thomas. I like middle school crush, Isaiah. I smiled once I assured myself I had felt nothing for Thomas, until a moment we had glared my mind. Us in the park earlier, re-thinking triggered me to blush at the thought. -No.. Ok no! I don't like him.. I can't like him!
My heart began racing as I pictured everyone laughing at me because I liked a "nerd." Or how disappointed Isaiah would be. But I can change this..! I smiled believing I could lose any attraction I was growing towards Thomas. But, how..? My heart was beating, and I was practically terrified of how others would react or if Isaiah would even stand up for me anymore.
Ok um, Google. I tapped on the search begging and eagerly began typing my question. How do I break off feelings for someone?
I glanced through my phone looking at the different answers. Ok, I'm definitely not gonna address the situation to him seeing that that's supposedly the first step.
I scrolled more, revealing more answers. Ok, avoid the person, and spend time with yourself. I can do that. Or so I thought, my face fell into my hands as disappointment began to overflow me, "how am I gonna fuckin' avoid Thomas if he's my tutor?" I said aloud feeling my anxiety kicking in. I ran my hands through my hair and found myself pacing back and forth through my room. I breathed heavily through a small circle of my mouth, trying to contain myself from freaking out even more.
I sat back in my bed staring blankly at my wall, feeling all hope was robbed from me in those very moments.