H.E.R.

My Tomorrow

Angeline

Have you ever wondered why things happen?

Because I have, I have wondered ever since I can remember. I been abandoned, I been left in a closet for days with little food or water. I have been abused, beat, and left for dead.

But why me? Why me out of all people in this world?

I will never know, but what I do know now is that my today, and my tomorrow is safe. My inner child is safe, my future self is safe.

How do I know?

I am sitting under a beautiful green tree that is it now covered in snow looking out a beautiful frozen lake, a slight breeze making the tree branches move letting their snow fall to the ground. If my ten year old self can look at this now, she would think it was a dream.

My new forever mom Lorelai is out in the middle of the lake teaching my new sister Jacky how to skate, who is not so good. I somehow managed to pick up the sport pretty quickly and I been in and out of the lake taking some time to take it all in. Because if I fall or trip or hurt myself I feel like I will wake up from this beautiful dream. I have a mom, I have a sister and we're all in winter vacation in an old cabin by the lake.
So yes, I am scared of waking up from this dream.

I looked at Lorelei, HER out of all the kids in the world she chose me. Me, a girl who no one wanted, but here I am, and it makes my heart happy because she saved me.

Jacky

"Let goooo!!"
"You got it!"
"You're doing great!"

Lorelai let go of my hands and I drifted on to the middle of the lake scared out of my mind, giggling and smiling and screaming in excitement. I've never been on a camping trip, I've never had anyone teach me any sport, I've never had anyone take the time to look at me, but Lorelai took the time to get to know me, took the time to bring me back to life. I feel joy, I feel love, I feel alive.

Am I scared? Yes, I am. I am scared that this will end, but somehow every time Lorelai takes my hands, or grabs me, or hugs me, I feel like the world could end and this is where I want to be, in her arms. Comforting me, loving me, encouraging me.

I extended my arms as the cold wind hit my face, I could feel Lorelai skating next to me, looking at me, making sure I don't fall, but I felt free. I felt alive for the first time, I feel like I am awake and I can let myself feel her love. I shut myself for so many years and finally here I am, letting my left be a child. A child that is loved.

"You can do it Jacky!" I heard Angeline yell from the side of the lake, I didn't want to look or I'll lose my balance.

Lorelai skated in front of me extending her arms waiting for me to hold on to her. I looked at HER, and I want to be looking at her for the rest of my life. She makes me feel safe, and I don't want that to ever end.

Lorelai

I let go of Jacky as she slowly skated away in our backyard lake, this has been the most memorable moment of my life. I can't seem to remember half of it, but this right here, right now. I'm living it, I'm loving it, I'm afraid to wake of from the dream I always dreamed of.

I wanted a family, I wanted to marry and have a wife, and have kids, and adopt four or five or six. But these girls, Jacky and Angeline, they fill my heart to the fullest, I think it's overflowing. They fill my home with laughter, yelling, screaming, and chasing each other but it's a good kind of feeling. I have KIDS! I have them, and they have me.

I have thought about fostering other kids, but for now, I want to get to know the ones I was blessed with.

I hope Harley can understand, and if we're meant to be she'll wait for me, like I waited for her. I want us to fit in each other's lives, and not rush into things. Maybe in a year or two, I'll eventually ask the girls when they ready to add someone else into our little family.

For now, I'm enjoying every second.