H.E.R.

Old Feelings

Lorelai

I grabbed my purse and ran out the door, "wait Carmella!"

She was about to cross the street when she turned back to me, confused.

I ran to her. "I'm not busy..."

"I know this perfect coffee shop..."

"Bugsters..." we both said, I smiled at her.

"yes, how you know?"

"I practically live there and I like the home-like scene."

"Me too."

We walked next to each other down the block to my favorite coffee shop.

"I didn't know fixing broken and damaged things was a career you wanted."

"I didn't, I wanted to be a teacher."

"Why didn't you?"

She looked at me like I was someone interesting telling her the most exciting things in the world.

"I realize that I can't deal with the lying college adults, they think college is a free pass."

"True, I didn't care about test, homework, paperwork."

"That was high school though."

"Yeah most definitely I can only imagine you."

"Joe Hunter-Chazeth, my friend teaches school and she said it's not easy. It takes a lot to keep up with the school system, most schools lack the materials to teach. She said she goes out of her way to get what's needed for her class."

"Wow, and I know how much you hate shopping."

Laughing we ordered out coffee's and some muffins.

"What else have you been up to? besides fostering the girls."

I took a sip of my hot drink, "Um... to be honest I haven't done much. I traveled a couple of times, lived in another country after my parents passed away. I had a pet dog, she died about three years ago. I'm a college grad, in a field that has nothing to do with what I do now."

"Ain't that the sad truth? Sorry about your pet,"

"Its ok, college for you was rewarding, you're a doctor for crying out loud!"

"It wasn't easy."

"Nothing worth having comes easy, anything that comes easy, is not worth having."

She nodded at my words, "you're right, what I'm waiting for is all worth it," I could only smile. "Um, how's Angeline?"

The painful memory of last night played in my head, her distrout face, her sad eyes.

"She's good..."

"What happened?"

She has been so good at reading me, "I wish I could do more for her, like show her I'm there for her..."

"She's still in a path where she doesn't know a tomorrow, she doesn't know where life will take her. She needs time."

"I know..."

"just be patient with her, she will come through. She know's you mean well, she just doesn't want to acknowledge it, afraid to get hurt if you walk away."

"I don't want to talk away,"

"She will come to understand that, trust me. You're a wonderful person and anyone who spends time with you knows not to walk away."

I really wanted to ask her, why did she never come back to me then? was I not good enough?

"You were more than life itself to me Lorelai, life just got in the way, and things played out different."

I tore my gaze from her loving eyes, "I have to go pick up Angeline, and Jacky."

I stood up, before I could turn to walk away she grabbed my hand. "We still need to talk Lor..."

Dr. Davidson

"I had a date today... well like a coffee date."

"That's good mom, wow when was the last time you had a date? like a year ago?"

"I believe so, I'm glad you're putting yourself out there."

"I don't know if its ok..."

'Hey...." she took hold of my hand at the steering wheel, "its been ok, don't think its not. You deserve to be happy again."

I took a couple of more streets and we parked in the side of the small isle of tombstones.

Hadley took the bouquet of roses and walked along side with me.

"Wow, it's still surreal."

"I know..."

We both looked at Brandy's tombstone, 'to the fairy in the sky disguise as a hummingbird' four years ago, I was faced with the thirds hardest decision of my life. To stop my best-friend, my wife, and the other mother of my child, her life support after a car accident.

To end her life.

I felt Annett brush her thumb over my cheek, "it never gets easy."

"She would have wanted you to be happy mom, there was not more she could have done in this life time. She needed to start living her Fairy life in heaven."

"I don't know how you're so mature for an eleven year old."

"Mom Brandy used to tell me all the time 'that can not be changed today, leave it for tomorrow, and if you think tomorrow can't be fixed why fix it? let it go, be as happy as you can be.' so if she couldn't be fixed tomorrow, it was best to let her go. You did what was best for all of us. You always have." She hugged me tight, I took her in my arms.

Hadley Annett Davidson was the best decision that Brandy made me chose, without them I don't know where I would be.  

"I learned a lot from two great women who taught be to be as smart as Albert Einstein."

Annett let go off me and went to place her roses in the clear vases.

"I found Lorelai again Brandy,"

I whisper to her in the air.

"you always said what's meant to be, will be. You always knew I would come back to her. Yet you still loved me, cared for me, loved my daughter with no hesitation knowing my heart belong to another. I hope I gave you the best 8 years of your life as my best friend, partner in crime, and the best two years as a wife." 

"You need to be happy mom,"

As if to agree with Hadley's words a small breeze pass through us, and a small hummingbird flapped its wings hoovered over us and took off.

I felt such weight lifted out of my shoulders, I couldn't help but breakdown and knelled before her tomb, wondering how she always did it? she knew how to make my life easier.

I was finally letting go.... of the old feelings...