H.E.R.

Unwanted Pain

Lorelai

I was starving, we had been at the meting for two hours, and it was passed one in the afternoon. I eat like every other hour, this has been torture. 

I really wanted to ask Angeline if she wanted lunch, but knowing her she would reject my offer, and there are so many places I can stop by right now... maybe I can and I'll leave her in the car. 

"Why are you pouting?"

"I what?..." I composed my face, I'm a grown woman! I just need food in my life. "I wasn't..."

"What are you thinking?"

I had to double take on looking at her, has she really asked me about me?

"Umm... that I'm hungry and I want lunch... and maybe a burger, or nuggets, or maybe ice cream.."

"Want to get lunch? maybe to go and take some to Jacky?"

I'm not sure how confused my face looked, but I'm sure it was a Picasso painting, but I wasn't letting this opportunity pass, "YES!" 

"Alright," I saw her smile, "can we grab Tulips? they have ice cream and burgers." 

"Yeah definitely." I was internally dying of happiness, my little girl had asked me for lunch, and we were going to get food. 

"Jacky and Mira!! we got you guys burgers!"

 "We made pizza?" I heard Mira complain.

"Well double lunch!" 

Angeline helped me place the food on the table and I took out some plastic plates, we ate at the kitchen counter not caring to eat at the dinner table. 

"How the meting go?" Mira asked Angeline, her usual response a shrug, "well that's nice," she threw me a look. 

"What it was ok, I mean.. I saw Carmella Davidson,"

"As in Harley Davidson Carmella?" she dropped her pizza.

"Dramatic much?"

"Always, oh my god. I can't believe she's back.." she took her pizza back and started eating it again. "What did you say? what did you guys talk about? ohhh does she still like you?"

I felt my cheeks burn, not sure if from the way she said it, or because my little heart was crushed. "I don't think its appropriate topic Mira." 

"No we are actually very interested." Angeline chipped in.

"No..." I placed my half finished pizza and left the kitchen. Maybe I was hurt that Carmella had made a life without me, and here I had the chance to marry, to have a family and I always looked for something wrong in the person I dated.

I thought I was going to have the happy ending. 

I thought everyone left me. In reality I let them walk away. 

I was sorting out some books in my library when Mira walked in, "sorry I hit a bad memory."

"She's married Mira, she has a child." I took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. She walked over and took my hand, I removed it. "Don't... because I been holding myself together for the past month after I first saw her, I tried to joke about it, to tell myself she's fine, she doesn't need me. I can't break down now."

"You had seen her before? when?"

I placed some books from the coffee table to the shelves. "She's Angeline's doctor, I met her when I picked up Angeline the first time. You have no idea how my heart beat out of its chest, when realization kicked in that night. She was alive! Mira! she was alive after eleven agonizing years life brought her back to me, just so she can break my heart all over again."

Angrily I wiped a tear out of my cheek, she didn't deserve any more tears. I cried every night till I realize life was going to send her back, I just needed to stay positive. "Life has a way of destroying you after you put yourself back together." 

"Oh friend.. I really am sorry..."

"Nothing to be sorry about, I'm happy now. I'm happy for her, I'm happy for myself. I have to beautiful girls who need me, and I can't be wishing for fairy tales, that's movies crap." 

"Ok..." Mira helped me out to finish sorting my books, she didn't say anything while the time she was at my house. 

Angeline and I helped the girls clean the mess they had done while creating their crazy pizza, after it all we decided to make some lemon-aid and sit in the back while Jacky explored the garden. She had gotten a flowers and plants guide from my library and had put it to use. 

"Mira?"

She turned to me, "yeah?"

"Sorry for the outburst."

"I've had my share, and you've put up with so much more."

"Thank you." 

I lifted my cup to cheer with her, "cheers to life changing every day." 

"I can take a shot to that." 

"I'm sure."

I saw Angeline who was listening to us talk, I wonder if she will ever let me in, maybe we can't be mother and daughter, but maybe friends. 

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!! and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

 I been MIA :( hope all you guys are doing great, wishing you a happy year, best wishes from me and my characters, this is a new year and with 2020 messing us up, lets keep positive for this year.