Flourish - A Review Shop by TeamOfDreams - On Hiatus

Let the Fates Decide...?

Author's Name:

Han_Banana21

Reviewer:

sky_is_limit

Review Type:

Hook

Hook Review:

Let's start with: are the first two chapters interesting? I think in multiple ways they are. I'll start by saying that the introduction to this mysterious curse was the most attention grabbing to me in chapter one. Something has happened between the families of Arwyn and Ray to make them hate each other and I did find myself wanting to know what the issue was. So, I do think you did very well in grabbing the attention of readers by introducing that and letting us know that puppy love has turned into real love, but the two characters aren't allowed to carry on. Chapter one definitely left me with questions I wanted answered.

When I got to chapter two, I did find some things lacking. I feel like there's not enough description regarding the characters to really get into the story and picture what's going on. For example, at one point, Arwyn's parents tell her she's grown into a beautiful woman. Well, unless I missed something, I have no idea how Arwyn even looks. What color are her eyes? Her hair? It definitely doesn't need to be an info dump, but I feel like some description is needed. It could be as simple as her saying she inherited her whatever color hair from her mother, so on and so forth.

Finally, I feel like the whole curse business gets thrown out the window in chapter two. Nothing is ever mentioned about it again. I feel like regarding that, there's a disconnect between what's happening and what's been mentioned. I feel like, come to find out, there's no curse and the only reason they can't be together is because of what happened to her sister and their parents not wanting them to be together. For me, that kind of takes away from the hook and makes me feel a little confused personally.

Past that, I do think overall, you have an attention grabber there. So, if I had to rate the hook, I'd say a 6/10. I definitely think it's enough to want readers to keep on reading and uncover just what will happen between Arwyn and Ray, as well as the new character Darius.