Letters to Lucy || Quinn Fabray

11 || Begin Again

I've been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does

Is break and burn, and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe

I watched it begin again

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About a month had passed since Quinn and I had agreed to start over.

It had been a month of us, more secretly than not, getting comfortable with being friends, which is where we are at now.

Okay, maybe friends who flirt a little.

A month which included the glee club performing "Rocky Horror" literally just for ourselves (it was a blast); Puck getting out of juvie, who now has to do community service; an epic mash-up battle, boys vs. girls; people in the glee club being terrible to Coach Beiste for whatever reason; and me witnessing Kurt being bullied countless times!

This I will expand on.

It was mostly Karofsky. Azimo and a few others, I think someone named Dylan, were in on it too. Thankfully I think Puck had given up that lifestyle, because he never did.

Anyways, the worst worst day was last Friday when I was waiting to drive Kurt home (we were gonna have a sleepover), I was waiting outside the front doors for him. It took him longer than I had anticipated, so naturally I texted back and forth with Quinn for a few minutes until he emerged, crying and looking shocked.

I quickly pulled him into a hug and we went to my car. On the ride to his house, he explained what had happened: Karofsky had kissed Kurt without his consent,* on top of all the harassment.

I swore I wouldn't tell anyone as per his wishes, so when we got to his house we hurried to his room so Burt, Carole, and Finn wouldn't see his (or mine - you cry, I cry) puffy eyes and long face.

I comforted him that night. We watched sappy movies and talked about his crush, Blaine, and did everything we could to get our minds off the situation at hand; we knew we'd have to deal with it soon enough.

Ever since Burt's near-death catastrophe, Kurt and I have had this relationship where we don't hang out at school much (our friend groups don't quite mesh, though he sometimes eats with us at lunch), but we do hang out a lot outside of school.

We just have this pact - sort of like therapists do - that what we say between us stays between us.

Little did we know, this was nowhere near the end of our problems.

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Quinn had invited me to the Lima Bean for a bite to eat today after school, just us. I found her and we sat down to chat after ordering our drinks.

Our relationship was different now. When she was Lucy, she was shy in settings like a café and was only really herself at one of our houses or an empty park or something. Now, she was laughing her loud beautiful laugh out in the open - there's another part of Lucy still intact: her laugh. I notice more and more of those the more time I spend with her.

Quinn didn't act without thinking; she never has. She wasn't going to hold hands with me out of the blue - in public or at all. It would be with much deliberation.

I was the one that kissed her first at the end of eighth grade. I think we had known for awhile, since we'd known each other for 14 years (our whole life), but didn't have any idea what it meant until it happened. She returned the kiss and we spent six beautiful months experiencing young love.

But now we've known each other for 17 years and it's all rushing back. And we had to begin again, because we didn't know each other anymore.

"So," she said sitting down at a 2-person table, clasping her hands together and resting her head on them. I seated myself across from her.

"So," I repeated, mirroring her position. She smiled and leaned back into her chair. I did the same.

"Agh, you know..." she looked around for a few moments. "We've been here before."

"I know... we went just last Thursday with Brittany and Santana."

"No, no, that's not what I mean!" She laughed her angelic laugh. "When we were little, I mean. When we were 12 and our parents had their high school reunion. Do you remember?" I did. We hadn't talked about when we were Lucy and Maya since that evening at Breadstix.

"Oh, I remember... they just dropped us off here and we thought they forgot about us! What was it, five hours?"

"Seven, I think. I don't know, the time passed too quickly when I was with you." She was solemn now. Quinn's solemn face scared me.

After a few moments of suffocating silence, our names were called and our drinks were ready, so we picked them up and sat back down.

We sipped in synchronization for a minute or two until I broke the silence. "Do you..." I backtracked. "Nevermind."

"No, we banned that word." She furrowed her eyebrows. "What were you going to say?"

I paused a second, feeling utterly embarrassed. "It's stupid- I was just gonna ask if you... wanted to sing a duet in glee together." I felt my cheeks get hot as I realized how dumb that sounded. God, I'm a blubbering mess.

"Sure." She sipped her iced coffee casually. "As long as I get to pick the song."

That used to be me, I realized. She would be the one second-guessing and I'd be the casual one, but look how the tables have turned.

"Deal," I replied, more confident. We clinked our cups in a form of cheers.

This felt really good - being here with Quinn. Too good, almost. We'd been hanging out a lot the past month, but today felt different somehow. I felt giddy when I left the Lima Bean an hour or two later.

I'd really thought we were done and had both moved on, but I'm glad we hadn't;

Because on a Wednesday, in a café, I watched it begin again.

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*Always ask for consent. Common sense. If this has happened to you, I'm so very sorry and I hope you're doing better. I love you. <3