Stuck between You and Him || heejaywon ✓

It's so heavy - lhs

" Are you sure you don't need help , hee ?" His concerned voice feels like a lullaby to his ears . Jake's really his comfort person . Woooppss! It used to be Jay , why does he found comfort in somebody else now ? This is not right , in Heeseung's mind.

" Yeah . I'm sure Jay will arrive soon , Jake and I want to talk to him to finally settle this once and for all . I'll call you if something happens "

" Alright . Even if nothing bad happens , please do call me . I'm worried for you . " He can see how worried the younger is .

" I'll be okay . I'm not a kid , ya know "

Jake understands that he needs to leave . He knows that Heeseung still wants his relationship with Jay to be fixed and he can't get in between them . He knows where he stands . He's just a friend .

He left Heeseung after he gave him a tight hug .

Now , Heeseung is just waiting for Jay to arrive . Why is he taking so long ?

After maybe two hours , Jay arrived . His face had a mixture of guilt , sadness, anger and disappointment . Heeseung just stared at him as he put his shoe in the rack.

" So .. " the older started because it seems like Jay won't speak first.

" What ?! You know what happened ? Jungwon is missing ! I can't find him anywhere ! It's your fault !" He accused him and even pointed a finger at him .

" Wow. Are you hearing yourself right now ? You act like a child who lost his lollies . Aren't you going to apologize for what have you done ? You freaking betrayed me , Jay ! "

Heeseung stood up , finally . He crossed his arms and raised his brow .

" Apologize ? I'm not going to apologize at you unless I see Jungwon . You know what ?! Fuck this relationship . I'm breaking up with you !"

He said and Heeseung's world just stopped spinning . Is this how other people feel when they're on a break up ? He feels his knees weakened by his words . Is this really happening ? Why ?

" L-love .. I .. " he wants to grab Jay's shirt but the guy already left him and went to their shared bedroom and slammed the door .

Heeseung's tears suddenly rolled over his cheeks . He can't breath normally . It's really painful hearing those words from the one you've been with for years . The only one he love in those years and until now .

His world only revolved around him and now he's saying those things as if they never been together . As if he's nothing to him . As if he never loved him .

He sobs uncontrollably but silently . He doesn't want Jay to hear his noises so he muffled himself with a throw pillow he found on the couch .

He was clenching his chest and wiping his tears with his arm . The tears won't go away . It only added everytime he wipes them off .

He wants to go to his boyfriend and beg him to take back what he said . But he knows that the younger was still angry . He'll just let him for now . Maybe if he'll cool down his anger , he'll take those words back . Those are invalids words for Heeseung . He won't accept it.

" I know he still loves me .. " with shaking voice , he said . His voice was hoarse because of crying . " He doesn't love Jungwon that much .. I know it . He only loves me and no one else . He can't leave me . He'll never " he added , though deep inside , he's unsure .

He saw how Jay changed in these past months . He feels that he's slowly falling out of love with him . But he won't admit it . All he wants to believe is that , Jay still loves him . And that he will never leave him .

He wants to believe in those but at the back of his mind , he's afraid . So afraid .

He never imagined , even in his wildest dreams that they'll ever separate . Jay promised him that he'll never leave him even the worsts things happens . But why is it happening now ?

Heeseung went to the bathroom to wash his face . He's still crying as he walks but his eyes are already puffy . He wants to cool them down .

He waited for some minutes before he knocked at their room . He needs to sleep . He can't sleep on the sofa . It's way smaller than him and it's uncomfy . Jay knows about that . So hopefully he'll let him in .

But he already knocked few times and the other didn't opened the door . It's locked and Heeseung doesn't have the spare key .

So instead of complaining , he slowly dragged his feet to the couch with his shoulders dropped  .

Maybe he'll force himself to sleep . He's tired anyways . Maybe he can sleep in an instant .

But as soon as he pressed his back on the sofa , he suddenly bursts into tears . Not because of the hardness of the couch but his chest felt so heavy .

So heavy that he couldn't take it anymore . He remembered the earlier scenarios , the past scenarios in which he saw them at the beach and earlier today when he's with Jungwon again.

He doesn't know why Jay did this to him . He gave him all he have . He loved him . He cared for him . But he ended up destroying their relationship .

Does Jungwon really worth it to break what they have ? Does he love him that much that he's willing to take risk and leave him alone ? What's in him ?

Heeseung just stared at the ceiling . It's plain white . He can still see it but his eyes are already blurry . His nose stuffed . He can't breath normally . Tissues are thrown on the floor beside him . He moved his arms and covered his eyes .

He wants to sleep . So that he can forget about all of this for a while . Maybe he'll have a dream of him and Jay . Loving each other . Without another person ruining them both .

Maybe if he'll sleep , his mind can rest . His heart can rest . Because it's so heavy .

His eyes are tired . Really tired. He tried closing it . It's still early but he wants to sleep . He needs sleep .

A minute passed by and the living room was occupied by soft snores and heavy breathing . He finally let's his body indulge sleep .

After ten minutes , Jay opened the door . He instantly spotted Heeseung curled at the couch. He knows how uncomfortable it is to him so he went to check on him .

He's sure that the older was already asleep so he didn't hesitate to carry him and settle him on their bed.

Before he left him , he stared at the older ..

" Maybe we really should go in separate ways " he whispered .

He finally decided . He'll choose Jungwon over him . He doesn't care if they're dating for years . He wants to start new with Jungwon now .