Peace and Pain

Chapter Twenty: Is This Really Me

I heard footsteps follow me and I turned around. "Why do you care so much about a girl who works in a diner?" "Because she's friendly, honest, kind and she cares about every cookie around her, unlike you two." I said in a snarky voice. "Now leave before I make you leave." I said again in the same tone. They looked hurt and part of me felt bad. I didn't fully know what I was even saying, but part of me knew it was true. They didn't care much at all. I heard them leave and I walked to my bedroom and sat on my bed and before I knew it sugar tears were running down my cheeks. "I hate myself." I said softly. I hate that she's part of me. I dried my tears as much as possible and started to write. After a while I finally finished and I started to sing. "I wake up to the sounds of the silence that allows. For my mind to run around with my ear up to the ground. I'm searching to behold the stories that are told, when my back is to the world that was smiling when I turned. Tell you you're the greatest. But once you turn, they hate us. Oh, the misery. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Spare the sympathy. Everybody wants to be my enemy. (Look out for yourself). My enemy (look, look, look, look). (Look out for yourself). But I'm ready. Your words up on the wall as you're praying for my fall, and the laughter in the halls and the names that I've been called. I stack it in my mind and I'm waiting for the time, when I show you what it's like to be words spit in a mic. Tell you you're the greatest. But once you turn, they hate us (huh). Oh, the misery. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Spare the sympathy. Everybody wants to be. My enemy (look, look, look, look) (Look out for yourself). My enemy (look, look, look, look) (Look out for yourself). Uh, look. Okay, I'm hoping that somebody pray for me. I'm praying that somebody hope for me. I'm staying where nobody 'posed to be. P-P-Posted, being a wreck of emotions. Ready to go whenever, just let me know. The road is long, so put the pedal into the floor. The enemy on my trail, my energy unavailable. I'ma tell 'em hasta luego. They wanna plot on my trot to the top. I've been outta shape, thinkin' out the box, I'm an astronaut, I blasted off the planet rock to cause catastrophe, and it matters more because I had it not. Had I thought about wreaking havoc on an opposition. Kinda shocking they wanted static with precision, I'm automatic Quarterback, I ain't talkin' sacking. Pack it, pack it up, I don't panic. Batter, batter up, who the baddest?. It don't matter 'cause we at your throat. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Spare the sympathy. Everybody wants to be. My enemy. Oh, the misery. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Spare the sympathy. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Pray it away, I swear. I'll never be a saint, no way. My enemy. Pray it away, I swear. I'll never be a saint." I finished singing and was happy with the result of the song and the melody. I changed my clothes and slipped on a lavender dress, black strap sandals and a lavender flower clip. I walked to Limes Diner and was happy to find Brown Sugar there. 'Hi, can I sing again?" I asked. I enjoyed singing for people and for me to! "Yes, that would be great!" I wondered why until I looked around it was pretty full.