(Yours Series # 5) Always Yours (COMPLETED)

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Hi," I said when I opened the door and saw Chester sitting on the couch. He was holding a can of beer.

"Sorry," he said as he stood up and walked towards the trash can.

"It's fine," sabi ko sa kanya.

"No. I'm sorry," sabi niya.

We never talked about what happened to me before and he never really asked so hindi ko alam kung ano ang alam niya. Ayoko rin namang pagusapan as much as possible. Kagaya lang din nung sa dad niya. Same kami na may mga bagay na sinasarili lang namin. And since that night nung med mission, hindi ko na ulit nakita si Chester na umiinom. Whenever na may lakad din o kung anuman with work friends, sumasama naman siya minsan pero never siyang umuwi na amoy alcohol. I knew that that had something to do with me. And I was grateful for that.

"Si Iñigo?" he asked.

"He's... I don't know," I replied.

I'd known Iñigo for almost all my life. I'd seen him happy, mad, sad, but nitong mga nakaraang araw? I was seeing a different side of him. And I couldn't even get mad at him because I totally understood why he was doing that.

It's family.

And I knew he'd do anything for family because family's something that Iñigo had wanted for so long.

"Si Cha ba?" I asked. I wanted to go see her, but the situation was complicated at ayaw ko na makigulo pa. Nandun si Tito. I had seen him a lot of times, pero iyong kahapon lang iyong first time na makita ko siya na may ganoong emotion and expression sa mukha. Nakita ko rin iyong ibang kapatid ni Chester.

It was... quite a reunion.

Hindi sumagot si Chester. Ibinaba ko iyong gamit ko. Naglakad ako papunta sa couch at mauupo sana roon sa tabi niya. I could handle the smell of alcohol, but I just didn't like that lingering around for too long because it brings back unwanted memories.

"Jury's still out," he replied.

I didn't know what to say. Instead, I just reached for his hand and held it tightly so that he'd know na nandito lang ako for him.

"Gusto mong pumunta bukas?" he asked.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Hindi ako nakasagot agad. I wanted to go, of course. I wanted to be there for Cha and Iñigo. They're my friends. They're my family... But I didn't think that it would be best kung pupunta ako roon. The emotion from both sides were at an all-time high. And... ayokong makita si Cha na ganon. Because the situation felt all too familiar. I didn't want to spiral. I didn't want to make it about me kung bigla akong magkaroon ng panic attack.

I felt him squeezing my hand.

"It's okay," he said. "Sabihan kita kapag nagising na siya."

"I'm sorry..." mahinang sabi ko.

I knew I should be there for him. I wanted to be there for him. I just... couldn't. And I hated myself for not being well enough to be there for him.

Because even though I am already fine physically, the scars are still there. Hindi pa rin ako makalakad magisa kapag madilim sa daan. I still feel chills crawling up my spine kapag may maririnig ako na malakas na tawanan tuwing may inuman. The smell of beer still scares me a bit.

Back then, ni hindi ako makalabas. But I missed living... And I had my entire family to help me cope. So, I got better... but I knew I was not completely like how I was before.

I'm still scared.

I just learned how to handle myself better, but that didn't mean that I am totally fine now.