(Yours Series # 5) Always Yours (COMPLETED)

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"I'm okay," I told Chester as I felt him staring at me. I forced myself to smile because I was at a point in my life that I needed to smile to fool myself. Maybe the call center got it right—you just have to see yourself smiling and for some reason, it'd delude you into thinking that hey, maybe everything's not as bad.

So, I smiled.

Because what else was there to do?

"I'm fine," I added as I grabbed a tissue, wrapped the pregnancy test, and threw it right in the trash can.

Paglabas kong CR, I looked around to see if there's something that needed cleaning. But I had been obsessively cleaning the past few days. Pakiramdam ko ay nalinis ko na lahat ng dapat linisin dito. Parang nagawa ko na lahat. There's nothing left to do. I could no longer distract myself.

I felt like I was about to spiral.

And I didn't want to.

Because once I do, it'd be hard for me to pick myself back up.

I'd be in a dark place and I didn't want to be.

I just wanted to be okay.

Why couldn't I just be okay?

Dahil wala naman akong pwedeng gawin dito, I decided to just go inside the room. Matutulog na lang ako. Maybe I'd go to work early and see if there's anything I could do there. I just really needed to focus at something else. I didn't want to dwell on the negative. First test pa lang naman. Sinabi naman sa amin ni Chester na this wouldn't be an instant solution. It would help, yes, but also, it would take time. And prayers.

"Chester—" I said nung lumabas ako. I was about to ask him about the plan na pumunta ng Bulacan. At first, the idea seemed silly. But... it didn't seem too bad now. I mean, what would we lose, really? Besides, I searched about it online and some people really do believe in it. Plus, I wanted to go to church. I remember back when I was still an intern, there's this mom who told me na nagsisimba siya sa iba-ibang church. Kapag daw kasi first time mo sa isang church, you can make a wish. She said na ang dami niya nang napuntahan na church. She wished for her daughter to be well, but we all knew that that was impossible... But she did live longer than expected. So, maybe it did work.

Nothing's wrong with believing.

"What are you doing?" I asked when I saw him holding a paper and scissors. He was in the middle of cutting when I went out. Mayroong mga pinaggupitan niya sa sahig. Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Are you trying to make a mess?"

He looked at me and shrugged. "Ang dumi, oh. Gusto mong maglinis?" he asked as he continued to cut up pieces of paper.

I bit my lower lip. "I love you," I said.

"I love you," he replied. "Maglinis ka na."

I laughed as I felt myself tearing up. He was making me cry because I was just so happy that I got him in my life. I thought only I knew myself pretty well, but it was starting to feel like Chester knows me, too. He knows when I am happy; he knows when I am sad. He knows when I need space and he knows when I needed him right beside me. He knows my highs and my lows. And he knows when to pick me up and when to just let me be.

I grabbed the vacuum and started. Chester just stood there and continued cutting papers up. May ilang paper na nakalagay sa table. Balak niya bang gupitin lahat 'yon?

"Chester," I said out loud because the vacuum was loud. Tumingin sa akin si Chester. "When are we going to Bulacan?"

"Bulacan?"