Physical Attraction | Sakusa Kiyoomi

51.

I fucked up.

Again.

I lost count on how many times I did by now and instead of a why, I ask myself when the fuck did my life become such a mess. When did it got so chaotic and complicated like this?

Easy.

The moment she slipped through my fingers.

The moment she awoken feelings inside me I didn't know I was capable of having. And more difficult – I didn't know how to deal with. 

I fucked things up with Arisa and now I may have also fucked up the only chance of help to sort this mess out.

Miya didn't look at me once, nor has he said a word since we've been out of his room. In fact, nobody did. After my last statement the room went absolutely quiet. Meian was the first to break the silence, ordering us to the common room in order to treat our injured faces.

We could have easily gone straight to the infirmary, but I don't have to be a fucking genius to know the captain didn't want to pull more attention to our current situation then we already caused.

That's were we are right now. Sitting at each side of the big room, as if the captain's afraid we would be at each other's necks the second we get a chance to. But that won't happen. Miya didn't pay any attention to me, and it's been over half an hour – the most I've been in a room with him, witnessing, that in fact he can shut up for once. But at the moment, I wish he wouldn't. It feels unnatural. Wrong.

And for my situation – hopeless.

Why am I even feeling this way? It's not like I expect him to great me with open arms after admitting I fucked up things with his best friend – literally and metaphorically.

Still, the usually clingy twin acting cold and distant to me feels anything but right.

My gaze wandered to him. Our wounds were quickly dressed and only when the setter was covered with band-aids on his nose and cheek did I realize that I had done more damage to him than I had initially intended.

As if sensing my gaze, he suddenly broke the oppressive silence.

"If she's leavin', ya better start lookin' for a new setter."

"Shut up Atsumu. Stop being ridiculous," Inunaki retorted sharply, as if he had been waiting for such a statement from the blond. He carelessly threw the cotton ball dipped in disinfectant, which he had dabbed on the injured man's cheek until just now, onto the rest of the pile of medicinal garbage.

"Whatcha mean ridiculous?!" Energetically, the setter jumped off his chair, pointing in my direction without bothering so much as to look at me. "She wants to leave because of that fuckin' asshole!"

"Hey! Calm the fuck down!" retorted Meian just as loudly as Miya, before continuing to speak more calmly. "We don't even know for sure if she wants to go or not. She hasn't mentioned anything like that."

"I heard her talking to Coach about it." I didn't need Meian's piercing look to know I was adding fuel to the fire. However, I knew the facts and even though Miya didn't appear to even want to be in the same room with me right now, I still needed his help.

Snorting dryly, he dropped back into his chair before shaking his head uncomprehendingly, looking anywhere but at me.

"Don't worry, before she quits the team because of me, I'll quit." I had made that decision as quickly as I had made the one that I had to win her back. If either of us was going to leave the team, it was going to be me. The team would probably choose her over me anyway.