𝐄𝐳𝐫𝐚 | 18+

47

My eyes widen and my mouth runs dry as the hairs on my arms stand straight from my skin.

I stare at him in bewilderment.

No, he's messing with me. He wouldn't...he can't.

"I can explain..." He says, pleading me with his gaze. His body language and his slow movements indicate that he's trying not to scare me or make any fast movements to frighten me.

Tears well up in my eyes as the gravity of the situations starts sinking in. The atrocious crimes he's committed without batting an eye.

"No.." I shake my head, blinking away the tears. I can't believe it. I can't start to fathom the idea of him being involved in something so brutal.

I stand and he mimics me, a hand reaching out to caress mine but I yank it away.

"Please, Lee-"

I don't know what to feel. Fear? Betrayal? Both?

In this moment I feel like I can't quite grasp my thoughts, the shock acting as a wall. I straighten my posture and take a step backwards from him, starting to head towards the door.

"Wait, Lilah, please-" He starts coming towards me but I stop him.

"Stop. Don't come any closer." My voice comes out weak and shaky as I fight back sobs.

He listens to my request and keeps his feet planted on the ground. His eyes bore into mine and for a second I feel sympathy towards the pained expression on his face, the sincerity in his eyes...no, I can't. He's a killer. I can't believe the man that is so loving at home has such a horrible background.

I turn around and head towards the door, knowing that if I were to hesitate any longer I would end up forgiving him and staying.

"No! Please, Lee!" He shouts. It's an angered shout, but it isn't directed towards me. It's strained, frustrated, upset.

"I can explain!" He repeats. He circles around the counter and heads towards me.

"Stop!" I scream.

Was telling him once not enough? I'm not quite sure if I should be feeling scared right now, I don't know if he's dangerous or not.

He halts in his steps.

"I just need some time," I say shakily.

I'm not ready to leave him. I'm still emotionally stuck to him, glued, even. He's the man I care about, the one I want to spend every day with, the one who puts up with my crap, the one who listens to me for hours. And I'm not ready to just give it all up and throw it away, throw away the whole bond that we've created between us. I care deeply for him, regardless of his...job. It's difficult to accept. That why I need to spend some time to myself. If I'm able to distance myself from him, to the point of being able to leave him, I will. If I can't, I won't. I'm not comfortable with the idea of constantly living in danger. I don't want to live with the fear of being ambushed by his mafia enemies.

"Okay." He breathes, nodding. I breathe deeply before I hear Igor's meow. I look down at him and scoop him up. Placing him on my chest and shoulder, holding him tightly with my left arm, I twist the doorknob, grab my spare car keys, and walk out without looking back at Ezra.

As soon as the front door to his house closes, the tears that I had been trying to hold in, pour down my face and my entire face reddens, but I don't let the sobs escape my lips. I flinch when I hear a loud crash coming from behind the door.

He probably threw something. He tends to get angered easily and ends up breaking stuff. I usually give him a hug and tell him it's alright, but I'm not there to do that now.

While part of me aches to feel the warmth of his arms around me and his lips on mine, another tells me to go home, not to give in so easily. I go with the latter and start walking down the stairs, sucking my emotions back inside of me. I can let it all out on the drive home while listening to James Arthur or something.

I feel that it's okay to cry, it's a way to channel one's emotions without causing any physical damage. It's a way to relieve yourself. It doesn't necessarily show weakness, it may show more vulnerability but not weakness. Everyone cries when they need to, men, women, children. Everyone. And that's okay.

I make my way through the lobby and reach my car. I unlock it and put Igor in the passenger's seat. He loves car rides, so he immediately curls up into a small ball. I get inside and shut the door, keeping my hands on the steering wheel as I squeeze my eyes shut.

I cup my hands over Igor's ears, covering them, and scream until my throat burns. I remove my hands from Igor, who seems to be unfazed, and start the car. I drive away and head home, glancing up at Ezra's window. I can't see him and part of me is relieved.

Him being in the mafia would explain many things that have happened since we've met each other, I suppose he's been in the whole organized crime group for a while now. So he's been a part of the mafia the whole time that I've known him. That would mean that he wouldn't kill me or anything because, if he wanted to do that, he easily would've been able to a long time ago. So why should him admitting it to me, change my view on him? He didn't change in any way, he simply told me something about him. Something extremely confidential, but still something.

I'm just a bit shocked. I wasn't expecting it.

Once I pull up to my apartment complex, I park and get out while keeping Igor cradled in my arms like a baby, which his legs in the air. He bites his paw.

"Weirdo," I mutter, removing it from his sharp teeth.

I make my way to my apartment. Locking the door behind me, I inhale a deep breath and set Igor down. He scurried to the kitchen meowing, looking behind him to see if I was following him or not.

I open the cabinet under the sink and scan it for his food. Ezra took it. Part of me is relieved he wasn't letting my cat starve, while another is annoyed that it's not here.

"It's your lucky day, buddy." I say without enthusiasm. I open the fridge and grab the raw chicken I've been meaning to cook for a while.

"Do you have a preference on how it's cooked?" I ask him, looking down at the ball of orange fur. He sits on the ground, staring up at me as he waits.

Once the chicken is cooked, I cut a few pieces off and place them in his food bowl. I eat some of the meat myself before walking over to my couch and letting myself fall onto it.

Tonight is going to be a long night.

word count: 1208
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Hello pretty ppl, I wrote this chapter late last night so pls forgive me for any grammar mistakes lmao I haven't had time to read it again so if u find any lmk and I'll fix them.

Stay safe<3
-S