Blinded // Jinkook

1

I finally sit down on the green luscious grass I feel all the wariness in my body run away, today was an excellent archery session and I even worked out more than I had intended to. Even after growing up here and spending most of my time here practicing in this field, I still can't wrap my head around the beauty of this area. The place where I was standing was very close to my heart. In both good and sad times, mother nature opened her heart to me.

This field was never this beautiful; I lost my father on this field and after he was gone my life became miserable but I couldn't sit and cry forever, I had to get back up and make him proud. Though I l have not done anything significant throughout my twenty-two years of age I feel that I should always strive to make myself better.

This field was the proof of his hard work, persistence, and drive to protect us, and here I was nothing.

Today was one of those days when I was regretting everything even though I am at no fault, I have this lingering feeling about what I am doing in my life. I am wishing that this all had not happened; I wish I was not born.

There is no role of mine here, my parents bought me to this world but I had never seen them, my mother died the next hour I was born, she didn't receive the medication because she was a maid. Being my dad's mistress caused her so much suffering but that didn't stop there, I had no one to take care of me, no one with whom I could rely on. I didn't even know what is a mother's love.

My father and Queen Consort had two children, Princess Saebyok and Prince Jimin and I was the illegitimate Jeon Jungkook, the only good my father did was to give me my mother's surname.

My father's daughter, Saebyok Nuna was twelve years older than me, at her young age she could see the ill-treatment I was getting as a child and that made her closer to me. She always took care of me and it was because of her I started finding a purpose in my life, even though I had always distanced myself from her she never did let go of me.

I had always felt that the Queen never liked me, I was perplexed as to why she cared so much for Jimin Hyung when he had tried to cut my face and I was there crying in agony. I still have a scar on my left cheek. After that incident, I realized that something was different and started spending much of my time with Saebyok Nuna. I wished she had never disclosed this all to me but she wanted that my mother deserved the recognition from her son. Even if she was just a maid, she had given birth to the child of the King of Busan.

She showed me the diary entries of my mother and how she wanted me to become. My mother was a maid for Saebyok Nuna that was how my dad met her, even if she was pregnant she took care of her; she knew that she would not survive and told Nuna to take care of me. At that time the queen was expecting her third child but that was born dead, I guess that was why she loathed me.

When I was first displayed to the public eyes I was announced to be the son of the King and Queen of Busan, my father lied to the public, and my mother was never given any importance. I was furious when Saebyok Nuna told me all of this.

She told me how my father spent the last hour with my mother alone in her chamber, at least he was with her in her last hour. I wish I could have seen my mother but Nuna told me that I had my mother's eyes. She had big doe eyes and that is what made my dad attracted to her in the first place, did my dad even love her? If he did he could have proudly let everyone know that I was the son of a mistress but he didn't, he must have had his complications which I have no idea about.

As I stare at the beautiful sunset in front of me I felt all the emotions rush, I had to cry out; I was feeling heavy. It was Saebyok nuna's death anniversary today, seven years ago she left us. My last hope, everything I had wished for in a person and whom I strived to be forever had so much impact on my life.