Blinded // Jinkook

2

I was staring at myself and questioning what bad I had ever done in my past life to receive such treatment in this one. If this is what life was I must say I hate it. Someone who already despises me so much has the authority to make decisions on it. 

If I think and look back in my memories I guess I had never hurt someone or even had any intentions of doing so, my goal was just to be happy but it was my actions that made a difference. I never tried to tell anyone what my problem was and why I was upset, everyone had already known I was a motherless child. I guess my mother should have stopped my father from coming close to her, she should have known that she had no future with that man but she had said in one of her journals to me; that she loved my father a lot. 

But the outcome of what she calls love is me is not happy today. I did not deserve any of this. If my father had liked my mother so much he should have protected her, he should have loved me, he should have left something for me but he didn't. He left, mum left and now I am left with no means but just to go on with the flow.

How many times I have told myself this phase but I think I too deserve some value, some friction and movement in life and not just a flow. A mere man has the authority to decide my life and he already did, where is my dearest, God? Should I have any hope left? My only wish was to be loved by someone but I guess God didn't plan my life out.

 Today I am being got married to whom I have attended the wedding of one day in the past when I was just a kid. The man who was once my brother-in-law, tomorrow will be considered my husband.

All this week I was given so many blessings, outfits, gifts, pieces of jewelry, etc. I was being congratulated that I was getting married. Not many had the idea that this was a marriage alliance between the two dynasties. I was so much distressed with so much positivity, everyone was so happy that no one even tried to ask me if I was happy? 

After contemplating anything and everything I peeked outside my window. There were so many guests that had already arrived, carts and horses were lined and the servants were helping the guests with their luggage. It was just a wedding, right? All these people were so good at masking themselves. The night sky was not as sparkling as it was last week, the dark sky was already covered in grey clouds so I guess we will not be able to back to Gwacheon. 

I smile when I realized what I had thought, "we will not be able to go back". I was doomed. I already started thinking about us. I was falling for a man whom I had seen once. I wanted happiness and I guess I was manifesting that, I was scared of this commitment. Where I had lost this fact that I was marring my deceased sister's husband, an old man. 

I came back to my senses when I heard loud cheering from outside.

Oh my Lord.

There were so many, so many people. Did the whole Gwacheon come here? But it was many troops of soldiers, there were big carts which I think belonged to all the officials, one of them would be my spouse.

 "Thack, thack"

I jolted and looked toward my door and was confused who had suddenly decided to come to my room? 

I walked there and opened it only to see Jimin Hyung standing there. He had said last time that he would meet me but I don't think it was the right time to have a word.

Jimin Hyung entered inside and closed the door tight behind him, I greeted him which was compulsory. 

"Hyung what brings you to my chamber?" I ask.

He stared at me and then walked past me. What was he doing?

He went to the window I was standing by and closed them and pulled the curtains down.  Oh, what was that?