Misfits (#2)

12.

Everest.

I'm an idiot. It's a fact I've known for a long while. I do stupid things and say stupid things and don't really think about things before I do them. But isn't that the way to live?

Being a grouch is nowhere near as fun. I would know. Luca was a miserable douche for eight years before he met Ria. And to avoid impulsivity and being childish just with the argument of life is something to be taken seriously, or it could land you in trouble, is nonsense to me.

You can be serious your whole life and still end up in awful situations. You can remain uptight and mature and still, the world could toss you around in an instant. I see no point in abiding by the world's rules when the world never takes orders from us. It has free will, so will I.

Avoiding Violet shouldn't feel like a stupid decision. So I don't know why it does.

Two weeks where she's barely looked at me when we pass each other in the halls. I see her with Aurelie everywhere. The girl haunts me. Sitting in the cafeteria with her chin propped in her hand and a small smile on her face. As much as I said I'll stay away, I watch her just for the rare occurrence where she'll catch my gaze.

When she does, it doesn't help my case. I itch to talk to her but I've tried to come across as unbothered as can be. Kept the girls around me. Not spoken to her or engaged with her. But god, she's way too fucking beautiful.

What Aurelie had said to me that morning in the cafeteria stuck. She doesn't want Violet getting caught up in things she can't handle because she's already got a lot on her plate. And when I walked into that classroom and saw her pacing, breathing as if every inhale hurt her, I saw so much of myself.

Panic attacks that take away your breath and sanity. I feel it in myself every time, so I did what I would always yearn for. I held her close until I could feel her heartbeat settling.

When she let go, I wanted to snatch her back. The thought terrified the shit out of me. So for the sake of her and myself, I said I'll stay away. I don't want to hurt anyone just by being in their company.

Something in my head's saying stupid Everest.

Violet just slipped out of Mrs Dane's classroom and I could see from afar, she's upset. She looks paler recently and somehow even more reserved than she usually seems. As if she wants to blend into the wall and disappear.

It doesn't take me much to deduce that she's a sad girl. Fighting a world of battles in her heads. Nobody hides like that, guards themselves like that if they haven't been given a reason to.

She told me not to follow her. I unclench and clench my fist by my side. I can listen, right? It's not hardwired into my brain to always be stupid.

Victoria's spewing shit in my ear. Mrs Dane still hasn't started teaching and something's tugging at me to go after her.

Fuck this.

I throw my backpack over my shoulder and slip out of the doors, old Mrs Dane not having spot me either. I make it down the halls and don't see her anywhere, peering into any empty classrooms. Reaching the main doors, I push them open and scour the grounds.

Rain's just starting to pour down and I curse it. I like sunshine a lot more. I run a hand through my wet hair and freeze when I catch her, weaving through the parking lot. Rain beats down on her, soaking her hair over her shoulders and her bare legs.

I run to catch up to her fast pace but slow down. She comes to a stop as she walks onto the sidewalk. I hang back for a second and wait. Even without looking behind her, she just looks...pretty. Her hair darker now that it's wet, sleeves of her sweater pulled over her hands.