Misfits (#2)

43.

It's nearing midnight and I have one more thing to do. Though it's late, I know he'll be awake. I walk to my doors and pull them open, the gentle dark of Amory Manor luring me in.

I don't rush as I walk through the halls I grew up in, tall ceilings and endless rooms that had always felt so big for a small girl so lonely. My last night here before I drive to New York tomorrow. A new chapter, I'm hoping. I also get to see Everest again.

The large doors of the library open. I take the ladder upwards and turn to his favourite windowsill.

It's dark outside, all of Amory Gardens in view from the occasional poled lamp. He sits with a book in his lap, not acknowledging my presence. My youngest brother has always had an air of mystery to him. He doesn't fit, not with regular people.

A boy that looks like that, with a mind like his, doesn't fit with the ordinary and he will never try to. He's like rain amongst sunshine. Thunder amongst plain blue clouds. An angel amongst mortals. He's inexplicably above us all.

My eyes flick to the book he's reading, the pages worn from how much he's read it. Wuthering Heights.

"I'm tired of being enclosed here." I quote the book as I near him. He doesn't look up, doesn't flinch as I gently speak, "I'm wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there. Not seeing it dimly through tears."

He doesn't look at me. His posture's taut, his jaw clenched now. Angry. He turns a page like I don't exist to him.

"Azure." I say and I hadn't meant my voice to shake so much. He means the world to me. To have him resent me, is pain I'll never get over.

"Leave."

Ice. So, so cold.

"You know I won't." I say.

He lifts his green eyes to me and there's nothing in there but calculated anger. He's not looking at me like he's always done, like I'm his sister.

He lifts himself, like he's about to leave but I rush over and hold him by his arms.

He's the same height as me but soon, he's gonna tower over me. He's going to be bigger, stronger and smarter than he already is. He's going to be a man but will he be better than my brothers? Better than mom?

"Don't hate me. Don't resent me for leaving." I look right into those dark eyes, "I have loved you my whole life, and I always will. I'm not giving up on you, just because I no longer live under this roof."

He says nothing. I almost explode.

"Say something! If you're angry, just-"

"What are you doing if not giving up on me?!" He yells back, his voice echoing and I silence, "You want to quote Brontë at me, Vy?"

He looks so much older. Nothing like an eleven year old boy. I couldn't protect his innocence, he never had a childhood and god, it was my fault. I have never seen such heartbreak in someone's eyes than I do in Azure's right now.

"You loved me, then what right had you to leave me?" He quotes.

I hadn't realised, not truly, how much this is hurting him. He hadn't shown me. Not like this.

This home is broken. Our family is shattered. When there are arguments, Azure hides with me and only me. I'm the only person he's ever allowed himself to be vulnerable. He's only young. He has nobody else.

"Azure-"

"You resent this manor, you resent our mother and you have spent your life unconditionally loving. Just so you aren't her." He says harshly, eyes burning with angry tears, "And yet you'll leave me here."