Eyes of Fire | Bucky Barnes

31

That'd been a low blow, and they both knew it.

Uxolo could, and would, tolerate a lot of disrespect. Probably more than was healthy for her own psyche and the habits of the people around her. It was only because she'd understood the actions to be bred from some type of insecurity, imbalance, or unhappiness within the aggressor, rather than something she needed to correct or change.

But that. That'd been the entire purpose of her visit today. To own up to her wrongdoings, to her inability to read what must've been his obvious discomfort, and apologize for crossing a line. And here Bucky was, using it as his own sort of leverage, waving it about as a weapon. As came naturally to him, she supposed.

She blinked rapidly, unable to help the sudden watering of her eyes. She didn't need to take this, even if she thought Bucky didn't truly mean most of what he was saying right now.

"Something is telling me that this is the part where you apologize." Uxolo said firmly.

"Or, this is the part where you leave." Bucky offered up, as if that were a true and reasonable counter-option. "But that might be too difficult for you, huh?"

"It breaks my heart to see you this way."

If it were possible, Bucky's glare got even more intense, eyebrows lowering and eyes taking this uncomfortable tint that would've made anyone else back away. Pure fire.

He spat, "Do not pity me."

"I am not pitying you." She clarified carefully. She'd been telling the truth, both before and now.

"Yeah? Then what 'ave you been doin' all this time?" Bucky said fiercely, "Bringing food and fucking tea as if we're ol' pals going for a fucking picnic? We are not friends, Uxolo. We are not lovers. How could we be?"

Is that truly what he thought? That she'd been treating him this way out of pity? Out of some moralistic obligation she had?

"Just love a sob story, don' you? Is that what I am to you?" He leaned forward, back stock straight, mocking, "Poor Sargent James Barnes, charity case. Disgraced soldier waiting for be fixed up."

"I care. Is that such a problem?" Uxolo questioned, and he took a deep breath of his own, letting out a bitter laugh and shaking his head. "Why are you pushing me away? Why must we fight, James?"

"Is that so wrong of me?!" He asked, eyebrows raising as if he truly couldn't understand her confusion. "I have been goin' from one fight to another for 90 years. Is this supposed to be any different?!"

And so it came out. As it always did. As it always would, as long as it was Uxolo slowly, and gently drawing it out of him like a holy choir healing a child from a greedy demon.

James "Bucky" Barnes was a fighter, through and through. If not in an alleyway, against kids picking on his best friend, then on a battlefield. If not there, then behind closed doors, obeying the command of someone who didn't deserve his unyielding loyalty. And if not there, then within the confines of his own mind.

Not fighting was.... foreign. Strange. And surely, not James "Bucky" Barnes.

It almost made too much sense when Uxolo thought about it carefully.

"You do not need to fight me." She said softly. She reached out for him, and like clockwork, he moved towards her as if there were a magnet within him. She placed her hands on either side of his face. His focus shattered;"You know that. You must."

Uxolo made eye contact so naturally, so passionately, that it was almost scary. But now, here, it... helped.

" 'm afraid of what'll happen if I stop." James searched her eyes, gaze flicking between them as he admitted, "I don' want to fight you. I don' want to fight anyone anymore."

"I know, James." She agreed sadly, caressing his rock jawline with the soft fingertips of her thumbs. "It can not be easy, and you are much stronger that you are willing to admit. You have the control here."

An almost minuscule nod; to signify that he'd heard her, that he understood. That he wanted to try.

"And when you have stopped fighting." She continued, "What do you want?"

Had he hidden it so well that such a question needed to be asked? Had he been so disrespectful and out of line that she thought anything else?

"You."

"You want me." She turned the words over. "And how will you have me, James?"

He looked at her then, eyes fierce, mouth set. It was the face he wore when he was fighting, even as he struggled to control it.

"How will you have me?" She repeated. "Fully clothed, glove on your hand, your head turned away so our lips can never touch?"

He tugged away from her, his shoulder scrunched, his gaze angry and ashamed as he turned his face away.

"I will have you without armour. Or I will not have you at all."

James was brave enough for a moment to take in her face and all the minutiae of the expression she always carried. Reading emotions had been quite difficult for him... after, but he'd studied Uxolo and he'd studied her face. He knew what the soft frown on her lips and the furrow of her brow meant.

There was something blazing in her eyes, but the intensity of it had lessened to a cold simmer. She's giving him a choice, a choice she isn't sure of which he'll choose, and it terrifies her.

And it equally terrifies Bucky.

He tried to imagine a life without her and his mind conjured a bleak picture. He thought about wandering the nation before him without the comfort of her presence. He imagined the torment of being apart from her without the hope of ever seeing her smile again. He thought about her, and everything he had left to learn from her, about her, to experience with her.

It would be selfish to do this with Uxolo, to continue this doomed relationship in addition, despite the risks, but isn't it human to be selfish?

Bucky isn't human, not entirely, but neither is he a selfless creature. He should operate on his own terms, so perhaps he'd be allowed to be a little selfish as long as Uxolo is being selfish beside him.