Mind the Gap is a collection of fiction short stories. They vary in style, themes, tone, characters and length. The aim is to provide a different lens colour to look to reality. It's also the sandbox where I tried different voices, where I experimen...
When you left this morning I was heart broken. I wandered all over the house for hours, looking for a place to hide from my feelings, to no avail. By midday, I was becoming desperate, like a trapped dog. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. At four, it was becoming dark outside. Winter nights are merciless. I laid down on the sofa we had chosen together. Every time I felt like crying I bit my lips, my heart violently pounding inside my chest. I wouldn't give you that, you don't deserve it.
Adrian came quickly after I sent him an SOS text. Discarded lovers are handy. I'm despicable, I know. Adrian also knows. He doesn't love me, he just wants me and that makes him safe. He was getting his reward, covering my face with kisses, when you came back using your own set of keys. You found us in bed, half naked, caressing each other. And you ignited. You called me names you've never dared before, grabbing him by the wrist and kicking him out. What right do you have? We had broken up in the morning, we were not one anymore. I observed you while you were circling the room, letting your venom pour.
After a while, you sat down on the bed corner, your hands holding your head. "I love you" you said. I stayed in silence. "I really love you" you insisted. "I thought you wanted to make your parents proud". "I thought so too" you agreed. 'And?' I said with a gesture, my lips sealed. "Today, when I went to see her, after we broke up, she noticed I was very distressed. She said she knows my heart is somewhere else. She doesn't want to start her married life like this and gave me an ultimatum. I should clarify my heart first, then decide who I want to be with". "I think I'd like her. She sounds like a clever woman, you should marry her" I said nodding in admiration. "When we broke up this morning..." "When you broke up with me this morning" I corrected. "When I broke up with you this morning, I thought...I believed that being with you didn't let me..." "... love her" I finished your sentence, as I often do. "Yes" you said. "But you've discovered you can't love her and now you're coming back. I can't give you what you want" I said. We both fell in silence. "I love you" you declared, "I've always loved you, since the beginning. I was so nervous every time you were around. When you started seducing me I had already fallen in love with you long ago".
Isn't it the confession one desires from our beloved one, when one is hurt as deeply as you hurt me? Wasn't my heart aching for you, my arms dying to comfort you? But then, what about me? My feelings were still the same as they were this morning, when we woke up in the same bed where you hugged me all night. That was my heart, my head though, was cold as ice and sharp as a knife so I kept my distance. I intended to keep quiet but I heard my own words, as if they were being spoken by someone else. "If I had a younger sister and she would come to me after a breaking up like ours, I would tell her 'that man is not good for you, he doesn't really care about you'. And if she protested, I would ask her to think about the future. 'Can you relay on such a man?' Don't look at me like that. Do you think it's easy for me? I love you with all my heart. Don't tell me you'll change. If you did, you wouldn't be the man I fell in love with. Leave my face alone, don't try touching me again! You shouldn't wait, I will not change my mind. I will live in hell for some time, dreaming of you cuddling my body at night, missing your smiles, the light of your eyes and, after some time, I don't know how long it will take, I will start forgetting you and maybe, one day, I will find someone worth loving. Your face blushed in anger. "Sorry I laugh", I said, "but it's so silly of you to say that I don't love you. You are upset because you are not getting any of us now. You are not thinking of her or me, you are thinking of yourself and how miserable it feels not being pampered by someone's attention. You can do as you wish, yes, you can stay but I won't change my mind. You may try to make love to me but it won't help. You say I am being selfish?" 'You can't see my heart bleeding now' I thought. "You should leave" I continued. "When you came earlier I hoped there were still some possibility for us but, the more you talk, the more I see how little I mean to you. You hate me? I'm sorry I laugh again. Would you like something to drink? This is taking longer than I expected. I'm being sadistic, you say. Indeed. My soul requires your sacrifice to start its regeneration. Cruel? Very much. Isn't it fascinating we are seeing each other's true faces today? Better now than in twenty years time. Oh! Good bye then, leave your keys on the table, please".
You couldn't leave without slamming the entrance door, could you? I felt it on my skin. Now I can cry all I need.
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