15 What Ifs [COMPLETED]

FIFTH WHAT IF

FIFTH WHAT IF

"What if panaginip lang pala lahat?"

~ Angelyn Bacarro

~~~

ERIC'S POV

Drops of rain pouring down so heavy and fast as we both listen to our favorite song on the radio.

I turned to look at my dad, who was singing along with a wide smile plastered on his face. "Here comes the best part," he said excitedly like a child, which made me smile as well.

Well, in our home, Dad's smiles and laughter were contagious.

We were both singing along now, even though I never hit the right notes, and Dad would laugh at me and tease me about it.

We were having a lot of fun... until a bright light flashed before our eyes and a loud screech and honk filled my ears. The next thing I know, I lost consciousness as I stared at my dad who was soaked in his own blood.

It took almost a month before I regained my consciousness... but I lost two things that day of the accident. I lost my capability to walk and my dad.

Mom wanted me to undergo procedures and medications to get back and be able to walk again but I don't want to.

I... I don't deserve to walk anymore and continue a normal life now that Dad's gone.

It was my fault that he was gone.

This was my fault.

I deserve to be punished.

I... I deserve the pain.

I suddenly woke up from a nightmare of that certain day. I was sweating and was trying to catch my breath.

Every single time I remember that day, it was always that scene—that picture of Dad, soaked in his own blood, with his lifeless eyes staring at me.

I knew I wouldn't be able to get through that—I deserve to get through that again and again. I deserve to be in pain because of that. It was my fault. It has always been my fault.

I let out a deep sigh, trying to catch my breath and calm myself. Once done, I fixed myself and reached for the wheelchair. I struggled a few times to be able to sit there properly but I'm getting used to it, little by little each day.

Mom and Khiena tried many times to make me consider taking the treatment to once again get my feet together and be able to walk, but they never succeeded. I don't want to get better. I have to stay like this because I deserve this punishment.

If I only didn't do it. If I didn't ask him, he would still be here, alive, with us.

My thoughts were cut off by a knock on my door. "Sir Eric, pinapatawag po kayo ni Ma'am Evelyn sa sala po," I heard the maid say.

"I'll be there." I heard footsteps fading away, which made me let out a sigh and wheeled my way into my closet to pick up a random shirt since I go topless when I sleep. Once settled, I went out of my room. I did not need any more assistance since I want to burden only myself.

When I got to the living room, I saw Khiena, Mom, and two other people, probably the same age as me and Khie. They somehow looked familiar, but I really don't give a heck.

"You called for me, Mom?" I asked as I kept my eyes on Mom, but I could clearly see those two people from my peripheral vision. Why does that guy seem familiar? "You got visitors..." I used the line to glance at the boy as I creased my forehead and stared at my Mom again. "Why?"

"Ericson, I'd like you to meet Alliah Mae and Dax Allen." Dax Allen? "Oh! And do you still remember the kid you used to play with when we were in the province with your grandparents? That boy is Dax!" That's why he seemed familiar. What a small freaking world. So nice to meet an old face. Note the sarcasm.

My eyes flew back to the boy named Dax when I heard the girl's voice. "Allen! Huminga ka nga!" She even budged his arm, but the boy just continued to stare right back at me. Does he remember me? What a weird time to meet an old friend. "Ano bang nangyayari sayo?"

"Dax? Are you okay, dear?" Even Mom was worried about the guy. He looked like he saw a ghost. Was I that mean? Maybe that's why I never got any friends and only had my family on my side. I never had the kind of attitude that would want people to befriend me after all. Maybe that's why it was so painful when I lost Dad. There were only three people who really got me, and then I lost one.

Dax forced another smile as he looked at Mom. "O-Opo naman po." I wanted to raise an eyebrow upon hearing his voice. It did change, same as most of his physical features. Why yes he'll change, Eric. It has been years!

"Are you sure?" Mom repeated. He really didn't seem okay, especially upon seeing me. Which made me question myself, which memory of ours did he even remember? Or does he really remember me at any point? We were still kids at that time.

"O-Okay lang po talaga ako. May naalala lang po," he answered back. Wait, so he does remember me? Should I be happy or not? Things have changed. He probably won't like to be friends with me anymore. And that should be fine, I'm used to that anyway.

Mom smiled at him. "Oh, did you remember my Ericson? You two used to be so close together." Don't push it, Mom. I don't think we'll be close again.

"Would that be all, Mom?" She should not talk about it again. It's pretty obvious that Dax couldn't remember me. And even if he does, he probably wouldn't want to get back to the past. But I still remember him being my best friend. And now it's gone.

Mom cleared her throat before she simply gave me a glare. I know that I sounded rude and she's just trying to get me a friend, but it's pretty obvious that the guy would look like his friendship with me is forced if she continues to put the situation like that. "Yeah, sure. Both of you can head back to what you were doing."

I nodded my head and went back to my room. As I locked the door, I frustratedly pulled my hair. I know I want to have friends, even just one. I want to leave this household and explore the world again. I want to manage Dad's company and help my mom out. And I knew that Mom would be willing to give me my wants, it was only me who was stopping it from happening.

I can't have friends, I can't leave and feel free, because that'll make me happy. And I don't deserve to be happy after Dad's death. I just don't.

I can't be managing his company because I don't deserve it. He should've been handling it on his own if it only weren't for me.

If only...

I could just wish that everything was just a dream. I want to wake up where I have my dad with us, where I could still walk, and where I'm still happy.

But I know... I could only wish, but it'll never ever ever come true. Life sucks.